Aftermaths
by damn unique
Summary: Sequel to Takane no hana (Flower on a high peak). It hurts to find out that what you wanted doesn't match what you dreamed it would be. ShizNatNao
1. Prelude

"_**It can't be over cause we haven't even begun."**_

**A/N: **So this is the Sequel of Takane no hana. For all of you who haven't read the first story I would recommend to take a look at Takane no hana before reading the sequel. So for all of my fellow readers. I hope you'll enjoy this sequel just as much as the previous story.

**Disclaimer: Mai HiME belongs to Sunrise -.- ****Maki maki Sunrise**

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_**Aftermaths**_

**Prelude**

_I was bathing in sunlight and then… it became dark. Suddenly so dark. It's gone. It's cold. Everything broke apart within a second. Within a sound. Within a moment of bliss. So short. So weak. Yet, too powerful to erase. I blink once, twice. Nothing happens. I hear words. A voice? Yours? Mine? Muted screams. So loud. The silence ringing in my ears. Make them go away. Make it all go away. Reaching out, finding air. Illusions. _

_Give me more. More pain, more fear, more humiliation. I can handle it. I'll take it all. Right? ...right? Answer me! _

_But you won't hear… Pleading without voice. Crying out without words. Withstand. Endure. Watch. Die. Just a little more. One more breath, one more beat, one more step and I'll be gone._

_No wait. You are gone and I am still here. Why is it that my feet won't move? I scream after you. You don't look back. I shout and vent and cry. I do nothing at all and die; just a little more inside. Ripped apart and all alone. Welcome old life. Just a taste of the forbidden struck me down. Pushed me back to hell. Save yourself they say. Love they say. Nothing more than words I say. Liars. _

_Promises. _

_Love. _

_All Lies. _

_Only Words. _

_For one second we were endless and in the next we never were. Make believe. Dream with me. Forget, pretend and stay... But you won't... You'd never... _

_Look at me, the great big fool standing tall in front of you, is talking shit. Speaking of love, knowing nothing at all. _

_The serpent arrived in paradise and with one little word she drew you in. Eden is lost. The door fell shut. I set you free._

"You better go Kuga... This might be your last chance."

"Nao, I... "

"Don't... Please don't say anything. Just go."

_Goodbye... _

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**A/N:** So this was the Prelude. The first Chapter is already written out and will be up later today.


	2. New Life

_**"Sometimes your mind doesn't want you to be in love but deep down you know you are."**_

**Disclaimer: Mai HiME is property of Sunrise.**

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**Chapter 1 – New Life**

The bowl of ramen stood untouched in front of Natsuki, who wore a semi-happy smile on her face. Her busty red-haired friend Mai Tokiha was sitting across the small table, looking at her with surprised eyes.

"I see, so that's what happened. You should have talked to me earlier, Natsuki. You know I am your friend and you sure could use some advice now and then."

"I'm sorry", she said.

"Don't be. It's okay now. I know that you're stubborn." Her friend wore a light smile on her lips and Natsuki knew that she wasn't angry at her.

"Thank you, Mai." Being her one-syllabically self, she didn't really wanted to tell more than necessary.

"But what happened to Nao after you and Shizuru-san... let's say celebrated reunion?"

Natsuki's gaze shifted towards the window.

"I don't know. I went looking for her but she was nowhere to be found. She had placed the helmet and the bento-box back onto my bike, but she must have left during... the kiss." The last two words was a mere whisper and she could already feel the heat in her cheeks. _Nao... I'm sorry. I promised to be there for you. Another promise and yet again I couldn't keep it. _Before her thoughts could go any further, she was interrupted.

"Hmm. I can't blame her for that." Mai followed the gaze of the emeralds, watching the clouds floating.

"And what about her things in your apartment? You've lived together for quite a while, haven't you?"

"Yes." Natsuki paused a second and inhaled. "When Shizuru and I drove back later on, all her things were gone."

"Well, at least you know that nothing happened to her on the cliff."

_Not yet... _

"Mai... could you…" She was afraid to ask for help, but she was also afraid that Nao could do something stupid.

"Of course. I'll talk to her." Mai understood without having her say the words.

"Thanks." Natsuki lowered her head with a sigh and Mai could only think of one way to cheer her up.

"Hey, you know Nao. She's tough and you don't even know if it was just a spur of a moment. She'll be her usual self sooner than you think. You should stop suffering for once. I bet Shizuru-san is eager to see you. You should enjoy your time together. Come on, isn't that what you wanted all this time?" Mai's voice was neither judging nor reproachful and Natsuki was grateful for the consideration. Her eyes were still glued to the bottom. _What I wanted... Shizuru... yeah... That was what I wanted. Nao will be okay. I mean she said we're friends. She wouldn't abandon me completely. She's just hurt... it'll pass by... It will, right? _She slowly lifted her head finally lifted and her gaze focused on Mai's eyes.

"Yeah... you're right I guess. I should get going. Shizuru wanted to come over anyway."

"Oh right, that reminds me. Where's Shizuru-san staying now? At her parents' house again?"

"Yes, for now." Natsuki said while fumbling with the sleeves of her jacket.

"For whatever that means..." Mai gave her an incredulous look, but Natsuki just brushed it off.

While Natsuki was driving home she tried to focus on the street but her mind wouldn't give her any rest for now.

_It'll be okay... Somehow... Mai will talk to her and things are going to work out... _

Not paying enough attention on the traffic, she didn't see the red light in front of her turning green and an angry man behind her started to blow the horn.

_Geez, what am I doing here? I need to concentrate plus I am totally late. I bet Shizuru is already waiting for me._

And so it was. When she arrived at home the chestnut-haired beauty sat in front of her doorstep, waiting for her to park the bike.

Shizuru could already see from afar that Natsuki felt guilty about making her wait and decided that this was a good moment to tease her. She repressed her smile and looked at Natsuki with an angry face.

When Natsuki saw Shizuru's death-glare the blood in her veins seemed to freeze.

"Shi-Shizuru, I am sorry. I was..."

The older girl cut her off, almost losing her seriousness thanks to Natsuki's cute response.

"Where have you been? Making me wait like this? If you don't care about me anymore you should tell me instead of using me and leaving me behind." Shizuru buried her head in her hands and made some weak sobbing sounds.

_Gaaaahhh! NOOO!_ _What did I do? Making her cry... Natsuki you idiot. Do something._

"Shizuru, I am so sorry. Please don't cry. I didn't mean to..."

While Natsuki was babbling nonsense Shizuru was peeking through her fingers. When she saw the cute girl standing there in complete panic, she secretly smiled behind the masquerade.

"...you have to believe me. I would never use you. I didn't lie when I said I love you."

Shizuru suddenly stopped sobbing. She already felt sorry for the poor troubled girl and Natsuki's attempts were too adorable to fake her anger anymore.

Natsuki noticed the sudden change of emotions and was even more confused.

"Oi, Shizuru... are you okay?" She made her cute puppy-face.

_So cute!_

Shizuru approached Natsuki in one elegant movement and whispered softly into her ear.

"I would like to hear you say this once more."

"Huh?" Natsuki was completely off-guard now and didn't know what was going on. She had to think hard about her use of words and it took her a few seconds before she remembered them. She relaxed for a bit and whispered.

"I love you, Shizuru."

Shizuru almost melted at the sound of those words. She took a step back to face the younger girl. Her eyes started to shine, this time without fake tears. She was getting lost in the endless green of Natsuki's eyes. She couldn't have been happier. She closed the distance once more and gave the raven-haired girl a passionate kiss. The soft parting of their lips made the kiss seem more innocent than it really was. Once their tongues met it rapidly became fiercer. A feeling that gave Natsuki goose bumps. Her heart seemed to explode and to stop at the same time. She was completely lost in these tender lips and the warm and sweet breath. Every time she was kissing the Kyoto-beauty her knees seemed to give in.

After they broke the kiss, Shizuru gave Natsuki one of these honest smiles that the younger girl loved so much.

"Ne Shizuru, you aren't mad anymore, are you?"

"Ara, Natsuki is so incredibly cute. I was never mad to begin with. I just love Natsuki's panic face too much." Shizuru was chuckling.

"What? Oi, Shizuru. That's so mean." Her cheeks slightly blushed.

"I love you too, Natsuki." Shizuru pecked Natsuki on the mouth. Now Natsuki was the one who smiled contemplative. She grabbed Shizuru by the hand and walked the girl into her apartment.

After Mai had finished cleaning the dishes and doing some chores, she grabbed her mobile phone once more. She had tried to reach Nao for quite a while, but the younger girl wouldn't answer the phone. This time Mai was lucky though.

"Yes." The voice on the other end was somewhat harsh, but then, typical for Nao.

"Hey Nao, it's me Mai."

"Mai? What's up?"

Thanks to her organizational talent, the red-head had already made up a plan.

"I wanted to ask if you would like to join us on karaoke this weekend."

"Ugh... Karaoke again? I think I pass."

"Well, what about going to this new bar then? Have you heard of it?"

"I don't think so. But I don't think I'm interes..."

Mai cut Nao off with her eagerness to group up everyone for the weekend as a big reunion party. The worst thing is if someone feels like not being welcome anymore she thought.

"You will love it! There will be live music and later on there is jam session." Mai's usual joyfulness worked always magic on the enthusiasm of the people around her, particularly Nao this time.

"Jam session?" The change of tone clearly implied interest.

"Yes, yes. They place instruments on the stage and the people in the bar are allowed to play them and entertain the guests."

"Geez, this is even worse than karaoke." Nao said.

"Come on. It'll be fun."

There was a short pause before Nao answered: "I'll think about it."

"Yosh! I'll see you on Saturday then."

"Whatever. Bye."

As soon as Mai had hung up on Nao, she started to dial Natsuki's number. The cell seemed to ring forever.

"Hey Natsuki, what on earth took you so long to pick up?"

"Huh? Uh... nothing."

_Suspicious! _ Mai had a sly grin on her face. She never heard Natsuki speak with such a soft voice.

"So... Nothing, you say. I could have sworn it had something do to with Shizuru-san..." Mai said in a sarcastic voice.

"What? Why? Anyhow I... Shiz... uru... knock it off. I'm on the phone with... gahh... mhmmm" The next thing Mai heard was Shizuru's voice. She couldn't understand a word but the tone was alluring. Mai had to chuckle for a bit. The mumbling was followed by some crumble sounds and after that Natsuki spoke again.

"I'm sorry... umm, I dropped the phone."

"Sure." Mai laughed out loud this time.

"Oi, stop it. What are you calling for anyway?"

"Sorry, but I wanted to tell you that I reached Nao. She seems to be fine. I invited her to come with us this weekend."

"What? Do you think that's a good idea?" Natsuki said.

"I don't know but I don't want to exclude her. She was with us before and therefore I wanted to invite her. And believe me, she was her usual self."

"Her usual self?" Natsuki froze.

"Yes, anything wrong with that?"

Natsuki didn't response anymore.

"Hey, are you still there?"

Shizuru noticed the change of mood in an instance.

_That Yuuki again._

"Natsuki my dear, would you hand me the phone please? I would like to have a word with Mai."

The raven-haired girl looked at Shizuru, still not really sure what to reply. Shizuru gently grabbed the cell and took over the conversation.

"Hello Mai-san, this is Shizuru speaking. Of course, it's okay to invite all of our friends. It's called reunion party after all." Shizuru paid special attention on how to pronounce the word "friends" here.

"Really? Well I'm glad then because I also invited Haruka-san."

"Oh, I bet she was eager to come." Shizuru replied ironically.

"Not really, but as soon as I told her you left Germany she wanted to come very badly. I think she might have gotten the wrong idea. I guess she believes you've failed your exams or something."

"That's fine. I haven't seen all of them for quite a while. So I'll be looking forward to it. Thank you for managing everything."

"No problem. Oh and we're not going to karaoke."

"Oh okay. Then where are we going?"

"It's a surprise. You'll see." Mai said.

"Okay. We'll see you on Saturday then."

"Yes. Bye bye."

Shizuru turned around, only to find a still confused Natsuki.

_Is it really that hard for you my dear Natsuki? You said you love me, right? You don't have any feelings for that little brat, do you?_

This feeling of insecurity made Shizuru very angry with herself. She just came here and finally got what she always wanted and now she began to doubt it already. She pulled herself together and put on a smile of comfort as she spoke to Natsuki.

"Is Natsuki alright?"

The spaced out girl slowly turned her head to look at Shizuru.

"Yeah, I guess. I was just irritated about the whole situation."

"Don't worry. It's going to be fine. We're all big girls. There'll be no ruckus or anything." She kissed Natsuki on the forehead before embracing her.

Shortly after Mai hung up on Shizuru, she got a text message from Nao.

'Is it okay to bring one more person?'

Mai was curious but she simply replied that it's of course okay, without questioning any further… for now. She thought about telling Natsuki and Shizuru, but decided to give these two some privacy. Shizuru already told her that she is in charge of organizing. So, no harm done on this one.

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**A/N:** Okay, okay...I already got some whinings about the sequel. Like it's obvious that it's NatNao and such things. I never know where a story will go because I write every chapter in a spur of a moment. Actually, with this first chapter the story has more Shiznat than Takane no hana so far ;-) So, you'll never know how things play out. I was never a fan of NatNao myself or even of Nao but it seems that some stories can make you grow.


	3. Welcome Home

_**"They say true love is worth fighting for. But if it is true love, then why should we have to fight for it?"**_

**Disclaimer: It still does belong to Sunrise.**

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**Chapter 2 – Welcome home**

Right now, Shizuru Fujino couldn't believe how lucky she was. Although it has only been a week since she came back home, it felt like she was never gone. She was lying stretched out on the couch of her lover, her chestnut hair spread across the pillows and her eyes focused on the slender body of Natsuki, who was washing the dishes. It was clearly visible that the younger girl was still not comfortable in doing chores, but to Shizuru the clumsiness seemed unbelievably cute. The plates were flying through the kitchen along with the dark hair of Natsuki as she was trying to catch them.

_This is better than seeing her workout. I never knew Natsuki would still be this agile. _

"Ara, I never knew you still would be in such a good shape. You don't seem to need my help."

"You wouldn't help me anyway, right?" Natsuki stated matter-of-factly.

"That was the deal. I'll cook and you wash the dishes in return."

"Yeah, but you haven't mentioned that I have to do it in front of your eyes… half naked. I feel like a zoo animal."

"My my, that makes me sound like a pervert." _And that's exactly how it is. _Shizuru smiled to herself.

"I don't have to say anything to that, have I?", the dark haired girl quirked a brow.

"I have no idea what Natsuki is referring to." Shizuru complained innocently.

"I won't even repeat the things you said to me last night." Natsuki said, while Shizuru's smile got wider.

"That was nothing. I mean, I just taught you some German words." _In a very special way... _

"Don't make it sound like a lecture..."

"That was just the warm up. The lecture hasn't even started."

Natsuki went bright red. "I don't know if I am ready for that." She mumbled.

Shizuru knew that it was time to change the subject. She didn't want to rush things and she knew that she has to be careful about some topics, especially concerning those that could lead to some unpleasant questions about the whole situation back in Germany. She knew that it was terribly wrong, but she didn't have the guts to tell the younger girl what she, or better said, Sandra and her had done. _It's not the right time. She would probably run from me again, plus I don't want to hurt her. _While Shizuru was thinking of changing the topic, her eyes were wandering throughout the apartment. She caught sight of an acoustic guitar standing in the corner next to the kitchen.

"So Natsuki is still learning to play guitar." She said.

"I can't really play."

"I bet you're lying. Play something for me."

"No, really." Suddenly, Natsuki's eyes became distant. She turned away from Shizuru for second, her mind captured in the memory of Nao, and how the lime-eyed girl had been sitting on the floor playing the guitar. _It's such a strange feeling. Thinking of Nao feels as if something is pulling on me. I wonder what she's doing... where sis she staying? Why? Why is she coming tonight? Maybe she really just fooled around… or maybe she was irritated. Maybe the situation on the cliffs was sudden for her too. She wouldn't come if she had been serious, right? It would hurt her... But then, why isn't she contacting me? Right, because I am an idiot for hurting her again, for breaking a promise again. I hope Dr. Tenshii isn't going to find out... Or maybe that would be good. She would be under care. Perhaps, I should give her a call. Wait no! That makes it sound like I am implying she's insane. Geez, I am not sure if I can stand seeing her tonight. Dammit, why do I always... I never meant to hurt her._

The sight of Natsuki being in deep thoughts or pain was nothing new to Shizuru. She had seen it before and she hated it. Of course, she could easily sense any change of mood, but this time, she wasn't sure about the reason for it and it made her worry. _Well, not everything feels like I have never been gone. _She decided to let go the guitar topic and elegantly rose to her feet instead to approach Natsuki from behind. As soon as she embraced the younger girl the tension slowly faded. She felt the well-shaped body relax in her arms and was becalmed by the impact she had on the girl of her dreams.

"Should we get ready for the party then?" She softly whispered in her alluring Kyoto-ben.

"Yes. It would be rude to be late at your own party, wouldn't it?" Natsuki turned around to look into these deep and piercing crimson eyes. Her mouth appeared to have a mind on its own as it was magnetically drawn to its opposite pole. Still breathless from the kiss Shizuru answered Natsuki's question with a bright smile.

"We still have some time left... and it wouldn't hurt if we are a bit late..." She again pulled the younger girl towards her and continued where they had left off.

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"Geez, where are those two?" Mai was nervously walking up and down, asking the same question for the third time.

"Now, now Mai-san. I'm sure they'll come right away." A male voice answered before Tate had the chance to. Mai turned around to greet the boy, who had just arrived.

"I'm glad that you could make it, Reito-kun."

"I couldn't say no, if it was an invitation from Mai-san, right?" Kanzaki smiled his dashing smile, while Mai blushed under his boldness.

"Ahh, Mai-san is blushing." Chie instantly used the situation to take a picture of the embarrassed girl.

"Now that was rude, Chie-chan." Aio complained.

"And here I thought we were celebrating the return of Fujino-san." Tate remarked with an edgy voice and Shiho's eyes lit up in joy.

"Now, now. That too of course." Reito said.

"There you go again with your 'Now, now'. Really what kind of attribute is this?"

"It's 'attitude' Haruka-chan." The shy girl with glasses corrected.

"Whatever. Really, what is this bubuzuke-woman thinking, making us wait for so long?" The blonde girl said with a huff.

"Mai, I'm hungry."

"Yes, Mikoto. We'll get you something to eat as soon as we get in there. Takumi needs something to eat too, ne Takumi?" Before Takumi could answer Akira spoke:

"Sure he does. He didn't manage to eat because he was doing chores the whole day. Really that boy just is..." Takumi cheeks got slightly red. "That's just because Akira was busy doing some work out..." The shy boy said, trying to defend himself.

"Really, what kind of sick pairing are you two?" A contemptuous voice that seemed of come out of thin air suddenly broke the relaxed atmosphere of the group in an instant. It was as if the good mood just froze over. But the owner of the voice didn't even bother to look up as everyone was staring at her. Nao was leaning against the wall filing her nails, being rather preoccupied. Nobody dared to speak a word for a second. Well, nobody but the tall muscle-head next to her.

"Right, Nao-chan." This seemed to be the only thing coming out of the mouth from the odd looking guy. Nao had just brought him along without even introducing him properly. For now, his name was still 'date' and nobody was brave enough to ask further because Nao had this fuck-off-aura around her ever since she and 'date' had arrived. Before the 'Right, Nao-chan'-counter could rise anymore, Midori tried to melt the ice once again.

"Okay everyone, let's go inside without them. They can join us as soon as they've arrived and we can have a seat and order a beer." She was already moving as she spoke out the word beer, but was interrupted once more.

"I'm sure Miyu can help out." came the angelic voice of Alyssa, a little blonde-haired girl with striking blue eyes.

"Yes, Ojou-sama. Approximate arrival in about fifteen seconds."

"See… let's wait." Midori said.

Mai made an odd face and whispered into Akane's ear while pointing at Miyu.

"That really gives me the creeps sometimes."

And then exactly fifteen seconds after Miyu's comment, Natsuki and Shizuru came around the corner. They were both giggling and holding hands. Everyone was staring at them in awe. The silence was back for a few seconds due to the new sight of those two being so openly close and comfortable with each other. Only Nao remained in her position, motionless. When Natsuki and Shizuru noticed the looks they stopped their giggling and waved at their friends. Natsuki instantly spotted Nao and freed her hand from Shizuru's. The Kyoto-girl noticed the movement and to her surprise it had an impact on her. Of course, she wouldn't falter in her composure, but it still stung. _Why would you let go off my hand so suddenly my dear Natsuki? Are you afraid to be like that in public or around our friends? Is it too early for this... or is it because of that girl... _Her crimson eyes trailed off to Nao, but decided to ignore the fact for now and made her perfectly smiling she could say anything to her friends, Haruka started to throw words at her.

"How rude of you to make your guests wait for so long. Really now Fujino, you haven't changed a bit. How are we supposed to get a seat this late? Look how many people came."

"Good to see you too. I'm sure you're able to manage things Suzushiro-san. I am counting on you." Shizuru replied in her perfectly melodic voice.

"Of course!" The busty blonde replied with crossed arms.

"Then I'll leave things up to you." Shizuru chuckled. Everyone was laughing about the usual conversation of those two. Almost everyone...

"That's still not an excuse for making us all wait for so long. We're not some kind of idiots that you can toy around with just because you two can't finish your 'business' earlier." Silence. Again. Until… "Right, Nao-chan."

And suddenly the cold atmosphere from earlier was back. This time it was even worse because the perfect mask of Shizuru twitched for a slight second after hearing the words. While giving Nao a death-glare, the red-eyed girl even thought of replying something harsh, but Natsuki slightly tugged on her shirt and Shizuru understood the message quite well. Mai gave Natsuki a puzzled look and decided to let it go.

"Alright let's go inside. I want to finally sing on a real stage." The busty red-head proclaimed and they all went inside the club.

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**A/N:** Oh can you feel the tension. This chapter took me quite a while. It was kind of a challenge to involve all of the characters in their typical ways.


	4. Daggers

_**"You can close your eyes from the things you don't want to see but you can never close your heart from the things you don't want to feel." **_

**Disclaimer: Sunrise owns Mai HiME and its Characters **

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**Chapter 3 - Daggers**

When the beer finally reached the huge table, Midori screamed a loud 'Kanpai' and toasted to everyone in the round. The bar was already crammed with people. It looked a bit like an old Irish-Pub. There was live-music, a lot of smoke and some fairly priced whiskey bottles, which Midori had been eyeing since they've entered. It basically looked like every club, except the old fashioned decoration that had a special charm about it and of course, the Japanese people. They somehow gave the Irish atmosphere a special flair. It was more real than any karaoke club. This was a place where music was made and not just a room with some playback from a tape. Mai fell in love with it at first sight.

"So lovely." She said with bright shining eyes.

"Yes, Mai-san. It was a great choice to come here. Thank you again for taking care of all the preparations and I am really sorry that we were late." Shizuru said while taking a sip from her wine glass.

"You're welcome. I wanted to come here anyway and it's much more fun with all of you guys!" Mai waved in the round, still overly excited.

"So Fujino, you screwed up your studies in Germany, huh?" Haruka said with a triumphant voice.

"Not exactly. I just transferred back here but I can keep my grades. I got a grade point average of 14 Points."

"Hah, doesn't sound much." The blonde said with a triumphatic look.

"14 Points in Germany are equal to an A." Miyu suddenly tossed in with her stoic voice. It took Haruka a second before the information sunk in. But after the realization, her eyes became wide and her jaw dropped right to the bottom.

"You what?"

"The subjects weren't that hard and I had a lot of free time to study. Still, I didn't manage to get 15 Points, which would have been an A+."

"Really, this bubuzuke-woman..." Haruka mumbled to herself while taking a huge gulp of her beer.

"Don't be mad Haruka-chan, your grades are good as well." Yukino tried comfort her friend.

"But I only have B's in all of my classes." The busty blonde pouted.

"That's because you picked a fight on every teacher." Yukino said reasonably.

"That's because they don't teach raspberry."

"It's 'properly', Haruka-chan."

"Yeah yeah, whatever Yukino. Kanpai!" Haruka said and took another sip.

Shizuru wasn't able to focus on Natsuki the way she would have liked to. Everyone was eager to talk to her about her months in Germany. Therefore, she hardly had time to be at her lover's side. Mai took this opportunity to speak a few words to her quiet friend. She had noticed the skeptic look on Natsuki's face ever since they went inside the club. She suspected that it had something to do with a certain pink-haired girl sitting apart from the rest of the group. Nao hasn't spoken to any of them after they entered the club. The young girl was busy talking to 'date' the whole time, plus she was acting and giggling like a little shy girl, while the guy clumsily tried to get closer to her. With every movement Natsuki's glance became a bit darker. Mai decided that this was a good time to step in.

"Ne, Natsuki. How are you?" The red-head said in a nonchalant tone.

"Huh?" The ice-princess snapped out of her thoughts. Natsuki didn't even look at her in the beginning because she was still focusing Nao and 'date'.

"Are you okay? You look a bit gloomy." Maid said and poked the stern girl lightly, which caused Natsuki's head to tear her gaze away from the odd couple.

"Me? No, I'm fine."

"Really?" Mai came closer and spoke the next words in a volume that was only audible for Natsuki.

"You seem to dislike the sight in front of you." Mai made a gesture towards the giggling woman. Natsuki just turned her head to the side and grunted in response. "I thought so."

"Who's this guy?" The ice-princess asked reluctantly.

"Well, we don't know either. She just brought him along. She didn't even bother to properly introduce him to us. She said it's her date. So we call him 'date'."

"I see." Natsuki's eyes went cold and Mai knew that the talk was over and so was the music.

A tall blonde guy stepped on the stage and grabbed the microphone.

"So ladies and gentleman, our band finished their business and because we're short on money... No I am just joking. Because of you guys, we're doing great!" He started laughing at his own joke and the people were cheering and screaming thanks to the right amount of alcohol they've indulged during the time of the live-show. The moderator went on. "What I wanted to say is that the stage is now free for your entertainment. Everyone is welcome to show their own interpretation of music. Feel free to use the instruments and also your voices to create something unique and remarkable. The stage is yours!"

As soon as he left the stage a bunch of guys got up and played some strange punk songs. The people didn't really like it but they also didn't mind. After half an hour of noise, Midori suddenly stood up and started to waver back and forth, her cheeks flushed from the huge amount of beer and whiskey. Two seconds of trying to catch her balance later, she started walking towards the stage. Mai stood up and grabbed her by the hand.

"Midori, what are you doing?"

"Tsshheere is nice lttle guy on thee drumzzz. I need to sk hooow do play!" So she said, although nobody got the real meaning of her gibberish.

"Huh? You're not getting up on the stage. You're much too drunk." Mai said, doing her best to control her ditzy friend. Of course, she failed. Midori broke free and ran off to the direction of the stage. Mai didn't even try catching her and just buried her face in her hands.

"Geez, this is going to be embarrassing." She said, looking into the round.

"It's going to be fine. Midori is a big girl. She can look after herself." Tate said in an attempt to cheer Mai up, but in the moment he spoke the words, a loud bashed could be heard. It sounded as if a car hit a wall or something. When the group looked up they realized it wasn't anything like that. The picture in front of their eyes showed a drunk and outraged Midori, sitting behind the drum-kit and making strange movements into every possible direction. The most people were so irritated about the noises that they fell silent. Midori of course noticed the odd quietness and stood up for grabbing the microphone.

"Good evning folksch! I'm Midori an thisch iss my first dime on theee drummmms. I guuuees I need som support... ne guys?" She pointed into the direction of the group.

Mai buried her head even deeper in her hands when everyone in the club was looking at the party group. Only Mikoto was happily cheering.

"Go Midori!"

"Mikoto stop, that'll make it worse." Mai said, but the people around them encouraged the cute little girl in her cheers.

"Ara Mai-san, I think it's a wonderful idea. That's what we came here for anyway, ne?" Shizuru tried to ease Mai's embarrassment.

Everyone was looking at Shizuru with puzzled eyes, but her disarming smile never failed to erase all doubts.

"Well... but we can't play any instruments can we?" Tate stated. Nobody said a word until Shizuru again broke the silence.

"I know at least one person, who can play the guitar."

Natsuki shot up like an arrow.

"I never knew you could play the guitar Natsuki." Mai said in amazement.

"That's because I can't!" The raven-haired girl replied in a harsh tone.

"Natsuki, you're so mean. It's my welcome-back party..." Shizuru turned around, pretending to be hurt. Everyone was now looking at Natsuki as if she was an evil monster.

_Really this woman is freaking me out. Do I really have to make a fool out of myself to prove my feelings to her? Fine, I'll even do that! At least I don't have to sit here any longer, watching the porn movie of 'innocent-high-school-girl-and-dumbass-musclehead-getting-it-on'!_

"You better get moving puppy. Your owner gave you instructions." The cold voice was cutting through the silence again.

"Right, Nao-chan." came the instant reply.

Natsuki was so frustrated that she almost kicked the stupid idiot in his guts, but decided to stay calm and not ruin the party. There was no use in making a bigger fool of herself anymore. So, she just gave Nao a cold counter while walking past her: "You better get your guy a bib before he starts drooling on your precious clothes, while saying yes to every word you say!"

Amazed about Natsuki's tough reaction, Nao didn't know what to respond anymore. To be exact, nobody said a word anymore. Even Shizuru was taken aback by the severity of Natsuki's reaction. The Kyoto-girl even felt the need to hold her back now, but Natsuki was already on the stage and Midori was overly happy to see her. _Natsuki... what's wrong? Why would you be so cold suddenly? You shouldn't have taken this so seriously. I was just making fun. Maybe a bit too much... _Shizuru thought, while watching Natsuki with worried eyes.

"Thatss he spirit Natski-cha!" Midori screamed.

Natsuki just nodded and picked up the e-guitar, still not sure what she was doing here. She didn't mean to even get up here, but she realized too late that it would look super stupid if she had turned around after she gave Nao such a cool response, plus she hated to see Shizuru mad. _Dammit, my only chance is that Midori is making a greater fool out of herself!_ But when she turned around Midori was about to fall asleep on the drums-set. _Welcome back, hell. Here I am!_

While Natsuki was pretending to tune the guitar the group was standing up from their seats to support their friends.

"Go Natsuki!" Mikoto, Takumi and Akane said while animating the other people to cheer her on. When she started to strum some simple chords the crowd seemed to relax for a bit. It was still sounding like tuning the guitar instead of playing, but Natsuki was too nervous to think of something. Nao was still sitting down when a low voice approached her.

"I believe it would be better if you would stop saying such unpleasant things to Natsuki. I think it's a bother to her, ne Yuuki-san?" The Kyoto-ben made the sharp words sound much softer than they actually were meant. Nao just smiled to herself and stood up. Although Shizuru was a lot taller, Nao built herself up in front her in a I-don't-give-a-fuck- what-you-think-pose.

"That's not for you to decide, Fujino." After she spoke the words she turned her back on Shizuru and faced the stage. The older girl was still standing behind her now speaking to her back.

"That is probably right, but as you might have noticed I spent a lot of time with Natsuki recently and it appears to me that she is troubled over you. I don't want her to get hurt because of your inadequate comments."

"Then you should stop treating her like your little pet."

"That is none of your business." Shizuru wanted to make a statement here, but Nao knew how to backtalk.

"It was my business before you came back." She said with a confident voice.

"True, but apparently it's different now and it was her decision." It was a real battle of words now without facing the opponent at all.

"That still doesn't give you the permission to do as you please, while embarrassing her in every situation; only for the purpose to satisfy your sick needs for her attention by humiliating her." Nao said in a scornful tone. Shizuru was so startled about the insolent answer that she didn't know what to say. Nao instantly sensed the shock and went on. "It makes me sick to watch this act of yours. Just because you want to see her blushing face you make her lose her pride. She has a lot more faces than these red cheeks that are all worth to be seen."

_So it's true. You are in love with her... _Shizuru thought more angry than shocked. She had to admit it bothered her a lot to hear these words from Nao. It reminded her of the situation on the cliffs: The kiss for once, even if it was just one-sided and Natsuki's strange behavior concerning the younger girl, had been worrying Shizuru the whole time. She indeed was awfully jealous and she hated that feeling of weakness concerning this little brat. Forgetting her good education for once, she replied to Nao's comment in a rather unfair way.

"Believe me, she makes a lot of faces when we're in private... " _Strike!_

Nao felt like as if a dagger was pierced through her heart and Shizuru knew exactly how it would feel when she stabbed it in the pink-haired girl's back.

Mai watched the whole scene from afar and was seriously worried about the conversation. But it wasn't for her to step in. This wasn't her business. Natsuki, for her part, was still busy doing some strange things on stage and the audience was getting more and more impatient, or maybe even annoyed.

Nao, who had been watching her the whole time, was not ready to give in by now. She knew that Shizuru hurt her deeply and on purpose, but she also knew that she couldn't be weak against this woman. She had not yet bled out. Hence, she decided to draw her trump card.

"Alright, let's see what sides I can bring out of her without manipulating her feelings." And with that Nao was gone.

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**A/N:** Well, anyone seems to dislike where this is going. So sad, that I only got 2! reviews for my last chapter. BUT I will keep on writing this because I like it and I've got still at least 2 people reading this.


	5. Stage

_**"The heart hides what you can't say but the eyes say what you try to hide."**_

**Disclaimer: Sunrise owns Mai HiME.**

* * *

**Chapter 4 - Stage**

Still on stage, a very lost Natsuki knew that she had to think of something useful soon. _Okay brain, it's just the two of us again. What options do we have? I could fake a heart attack, but that would make me look like a sissy. I could do some random strumming like a rock star on cocaine and jump around on the stage, while bashing the guitar against the drum-set - hopefully hitting Midori… but then I would have to pay for the destruction and I surely couldn't afford that. I could... _

Suddenly, some very pleasant chords accompanied her random strumming. At first, she was so irritated that she looked at her hands and stopped playing, to see if the nice tones were coming out of her guitar. But, she soon noticed that she wasn't making the new noises. The slow progression of the chords somehow turned into a solid pattern. Natsuki recognized the song, but not in a pleasant way. Every note felt like a piercing needle. Her head still wasn't able to grab the whole picture of what was happening. She was too confused to notice the person approaching her from behind.

The sweet melody brought the attention of the crowd back in an instant. When the mystical player slowly became visible in the spotlight a loud murmur went through the club. For a few seconds everything went silent. Nobody but Natsuki could hear the words breathed against her neck.

"I know you know the chords. Leave the rest up to me." Nao voice was so different from earlier that Natsuki felt the need to face her to be sure that it was the same person, who insulted her a few minutes ago. When she turned around the younger girl was standing in front of a spotlight, so only her frame was visible. But as if she had read Natsuki's thoughts, Nao moved an inch forward to bring her face out of the shadows. She was now standing in the spotlight in an easy pose, holding a black e-guitar in her hands.

_So cool..._ Natsuki thought as she took in the sight.

"Ready?" Nao smiled at her.

Natsuki was completely taken aback by the surprising events, but she was also happy that Nao came to save her ass. So, she smiled back and started playing the simple chords of the first and only song she had learned from the younger girl. Meanwhile, Nao grabbed the microphone and spoke to the audience.

"Sorry for the long wait folks. But now, we're finally here to kick your sweet butts." She never failed to wink at the guys during her speech and the people seemed to love the tough attitude. "We could use some backup on the drums and the bass though." As soon as she spoke out the words five or six guys frenetically raised their hands. Nao picked the cutest ones of course. "And to complete this little session I would like to bring Tokiha Mai up on this stage, because I know she is a dedicated singer and never got the chance to prove it out of the karaoke box."

Mai went bright red under the words, but the people were already under Nao's spell and almost dragged the suddenly shy red-head on the stage.

"Why?" Mai asked a bit frustrated.

"Because you are a great entertainer, plus I know you know the song. You will love the feeling. You can thank me for it later."

The guy on the drums was getting ready by pulling Midori off the drum kit, while Nao was giving another smile, followed by a reassuring wink to Natsuki, who was still bravely playing the chord pattern to keep the audience attention.. With her back turned to the audience it somehow felt as if the moment was just for the two of them.

"1, 2, 3, 4..". The guy with the sticks counted and there they went. Nao started off with a virtuosic solo to give Mai some support. To her surprise it really helped. Mai felt winged by the reaction of the audience and started to sing from the depths of her throat. Natsuki's face completely lit up under the action. There was no more tension or madness in her expression at all. Quite the contrary, she was happy and content. She seemed to enjoy the attention and the feeling of being cheered on. They were having fun like teenagers, which also seemed to make the people dance. The performance was about to save the evening of group. Even Alyssa and Miyu were enjoying it. Everyone in the round was smiling and having a good time. Almost... A certain Kyoto-beauty had a hard time to keep up her perfect masquerade, while deep down she was boiling. Fortunately, nobody noticed the slight cracks in her smiling face, because Shizuru wasn't the type to be enthusiastic about anything. Still, the jealousy kept a hold of her. _This little... I won't even think a word like that. Natsuki, how could you be friends with someone like her? She's loud and noisy and merely a kid. _

After the song was finished the people were going crazy and screamed for an encore. But because Natsuki only knew one song, Nao got back on the mic and ordered some new musician on the stage. It felt so natural that it was as if she owned the club.

Natsuki went off the stage with a big smile. Before going back to her friends, she turned around to watch Nao play the guitar for a bit longer. She was completely amazed about the skills and the cool appearance of the other girl.

Seeing Natsuki still gazing at the stage, made Shizuru even more furious. Of course, she would never let anything of her thoughts it slip to the outer world. She patiently waited, until finally Natsuki came back to her side. Still full of adrenaline, Natsuki started bubbling.

"It was amazing! Really! I couldn't see anybody. I could just hear the people and I played the same chords over and over again and the people liked it." After a while she noticed that Shizuru wasn't responding. To be exact, she wasn't even looking at her. Her gaze was glued to the stage like a zombie.

"Oi Shizuru... Did you like it?" Natsuki said a tad worried.

The older girl knew that she only had two options: making a scene to make a fool of herself, or staying calm and smile.

"Natsuki was wonderful. Thank you very much." She smiled her brightest smile, but Natsuki knew it was a fake one. The emerald-eyed girl wasn't sure how to reply as she didn't know what was wrong. So, they just silently watched the rest of the show. As soon as Nao and Mai came back down they were celebrated and complimented by their friends and even by some strangers.

Nao directly searched eye-contact with the Kyoto-girl and gave her an arrogant glance. Shizuru was about to snap, but thankfully the manager of the club approached them out of the blue.

"You guys did a great job up there. You're the winner of tonight's contest."

"Ehh? There was a contest?" Mai busted out.

"Well, it's not really a contest. We do this every Saturday. The folks, who are best at animating the crowd are getting some free coupons."

"Croutons? I don't see any salad around here." Haruka intervened.

"It's 'coupons', Haruka-chan." Yukino corrected her again.

"Huh? And what is it?" The blonde said.

The manager of the club was laughing about the funny conversation and explained the situation.

"Well, normally we only give the coupons to the people on stage, but you guys seem to be a funny group. Meaning, all of you will get free tickets for the game center."

"A game center?" Natsuki said with shining eyes.

"No. THE game center. It's a place where you can play Gotcha. You know, playing war. Shooting, fighting, crawling, teaming up and stuff. I'm sure you guys will have fun."

"Love it!" Natsuki felt like being fourteen again. She could finally hold a gun in her hand once more.

"I don't think playing war is something funny." Shizuru said in a dark voice.

"No, but it would be a nice way to see if the 'All-mouth-no-trouser'-attitude is proven to be true." Nao tossed in, paying special attention that her glance was lingering on Natsuki and Shizuru just long enough to grab enough attention.

"Alright. It's on then." Shizuru said while letting her mask slip for a slight second.

"Great. Here you go guys." The manager said and gave them the coupons.

Everyone was interestedly reading about the game center, while Nao and Shizuru fought a battle with their eyes.

_This is going to be interesting. Nao thought. Let's see if you're only talk since you're without your power, tea-lady. We still have a score to settle... or two... _

* * *

**A/N: **R&R. Or don't...I don't care. I just totally screwed up my first exam and will be studying for the rest of my life anyways I guess...Or I go hide myself in the woods and write a book or so.


	6. Offers

_**"The heart is the center of our chest but it beats at the left side. I guess that's the reason why the heart isn't always right."**_

**A/N:** I read the comment where it says that it is of course obvious that people would like Nao more because I make her better than Shizuru in this story. I know I said it before I am a ShizNat-fan and I lately came to like NatNao ye,s BUT I really do believe that Shizuru would act like that. We always see Shizuru smiling on the outside being disgustingly perfect when her mask slips though and her psycho-side comes out, we can see that there is much more under the surface and in Mai Otome we also see what Shizuru is capable of (the whole Tomoe bed story). Nobody would be so perfect and selfless. I believe writing can open the world of thoughts of characters and that is why Shizuru doesn't appear perfect anymore. Many people seem to be so shocked about that, but to me, she doesn't have to be self-sacrificing. She is a person who can live for herself and she also has feelings like jealousy. She's still faking smiles and is still devoted to her love for Natsuki. That's Shizuru for me. So, it's not that I make her appear worse than Nao. Shizuru is a completely other type than Nao. Ugh, sometimes the Shiznat fandom is hard to crack. So biased^^

**Disclaimer: Sunrise owns Mai HiME…**

* * *

**Chapter 5 - Offers**

On their way back home the two girls walked in an uncommon silence. Usually, Natsuki was a person to enjoy that kind of company more than a conversation, but this time she felt uncomfortable being so quiet around Shizuru. _Maybe she's pissed because Mai scheduled this paintball match on the day of my birthday... _Earlier this evening, a still high on adrenaline Mai, had made the suggestion to use their coupons for the Gotcha match on Natsuki's birthday. For one thing, because the day was a Saturday and for another, it seemed like a worthy way to celebrate the special day for the ice princess. Shizuru though, wasn't looking too happy after all, but she also didn't disagree. The older girl seemed to be real depressed however ever since Natsuki came back from stage. Deep in thoughts the former Kaichou unintentionally walked faster. She normally would have noticed in an instance when Natsuki was falling behind, but her mind was too occupied with fighting down the dwelling jealousy. _How can someone like her freak me out like that? It was absolutely inappropriate to react the way I did. I shouldn't have let myself go and now, I can't back off. I have to face her on the battle field again. And for sure, I won't lose this time either. I will take her down once more. So that she knows where her place is... Ara, why am I talking like that? Natsuki is already mine... I don't need to fight over her... Wait, where is she anyway?_

When she turned around she saw that Natsuki was walking slowly after her with her head lowered and her hands in her pockets. The image reminded Shizuru of a little girl, who feels bad because she had broken the favorite vase of her mother. Shizuru's turning made the younger girl stop dead in her tracks and caused her to looked at Shizuru with puzzled eyes. Without saying a word, the Kyoto-beauty walked over and embraced her. Natsuki, who was slightly startled about the situation at first, soon relaxed and returned the gesture.

"Thank you... " Shizuru said quietly.

Natsuki didn't really know why Shizuru would thank her, but she was smiling nonetheless and snuggled her head into the chestnut hair. She loved the flavor of Shizuru's perfume. Her scent always had a soothing effect on her. She was still searching for the right words to describe the flavor. For now, she settled with the thought that for some things there are no words. Not everything can be described. For this kind of odor and the feelings it always triggered, words must still be created. None of the existing ones were worthy.

The sudden peeping of Shizuru's mobile phone tore them both out of their reverie.

"Who is it at this hour?" Natsuki said nonchalant, but still a bit curious.

-'I am not one to get so easily rid of! I'm not giving up on you! You have to talk to me! You can't run away forever! You better face this matter sooner or later or I'll do it for you!'-

The words on the screen made Shizuru gulp and even the usually a bit dense ice-princess could sense the uneasiness. She reached out to rest her right hand on the older girl's cheek, trying to make the contact as soft as she could. Sometimes it was hard to figure out, if this perfect skin was real or truly made of porcelain. The gentleness of the touch made Shizuru lift her head, whereby locking her eyes with the emerald orbs in front of her. Her mind was screaming out to tell the girl, but there was also this other part of her. The part that she thought was buried together with the Obsidian Lord. But, ever since she left for Germany, these creepy and possessive thoughts pulled on her, scratching her surface, trying to crack her common sense. She was contemplating to ask Reito, if he too has some kind of dark power pulling on him, but then, she was afraid of his answer. What if it was really a part of her and not triggered by evil powers? _Natsuki... I can't... Not now... It's too soon... I'm sorry. I am not ready to lose you again._

"It's just a junk mail." Shizuru said. _Well, at least that was not a complete lie._

Not really believing Shizuru's answer, Natsuki furrowed her brow, but decided to let it go for now. She could feel how irritated Shizuru was and she didn't want to push her. Yes, she was worried, but she knew that Shizuru was capable of taking care of herself and she respected this kind of personal freedom. Privacy was something precious to Natsuki and she didn't want to interfere too much without a reason. _If something is wrong you would let me know, right Shizuru? _She gave a warm smile to the troubled girl and drew her in for a passionate kiss.

_You're still too good for me, Natsuki... I might have to pay for this someday... again ... _Unable to restrain her feelings and emotions, Shizuru gave in and pulled Natsuki even closer, as if this one kiss was to take her thoughts away from everything evil, and in fact, it was. Natsuki had always been the reason to keep her sane, but then, she was also the reason that Shizuru had gone berserk and killed lots of people... Deep down, she felt uncomfortable being around such a dangerous force, but of course, she couldn't stay away from her affection. She had tried this before and nothing seemed to work. Being so dependent scared her to death, but it was better than suffering or going crazy again.

The kissing soon got fiercer as their bodies crashed together. Shizuru had longed for all of this so badly… the feeling of the younger girl close to her, the sensation of touching, the beautiful and perfect skin. A wave of pleasure rocked through her under the contact of their hips. She let her hands wander up and down Natsuki's spine. Slowly but instinctively, she was making her way towards Natsuki's ribcage. The younger girl hesitated though, and Shizuru was abruptly shaken out of her dream world and started to apologize instead.

"I'm sorry. I... "

Natsuki placed her finger on the light pink lips that had just been melting with hers and took a deep breath.

"Don't be angry about my birthday. I know you wanted to spend the day with me alone, but we'll still be together... Only with some more people. I couldn't turn Mai and the others down. They are our friends and I believe it was well-meant."

Despite the fact that Shizuru was thinking about something completely different, Natsuki's words caught her attention. She was indeed a bit pissed about that too.

"Yes, I believe you're right, but it wasn't really necessary to schedule the whole evening too..." Shizuru eventually noted. Natsuki had to admit that she had a point, but what could you say to a bunch of drunk and jolly girls. Midori had been clever, or better said, drunk enough to make the suggestion that they should celebrate the birthday in the club after the "Death Match of the HiME Rangers". Of course, a real birthday party needs a decent amount of alcohol, and therefore a club. The supposed teacher had made it sound like a reasonable explanation for the weird idea.

When Natsuki remembered Midori's funny face back in the club and how the woman had been trying to articulate the words, a light smile crossed her face. It was okay for her to spend her birthday with the friends. She did enjoy the evening a lot more than the usual karaoke bar.

Seeing Natsuki's face lighten up, Shizuru slowly gave in to the idea. She didn't want to ruin the mood any more, even if it was just for Natsuki's sake.

"Ara, if Natsuki is happy with it, I am satisfied." She said eventually in a soft tone. Natsuki's smile got wider. She liked the way Shizuru pronounced her name. Every time she heard the Kyoto-beauty say it, she felt a bit like coming home. Their gazes were still locked and the younger girl leaned in again. Awaiting another kiss, the older girl closed her eyes, but nothing happened. Just when she was about to open her eyes she could feel a hot breath next to her ear.

"You know... My birthday already starts in the night of Friday to Saturday. Maybe we could 'warm up' for the next day together..." Natsuki could feel her cheeks heating up.

"You... you mean just the two of us?" It was an unusual sight to see the great Shizuru Fujino blushing and at a loss of words.

"Yes. Only you and I will... celebrate..." Natsuki tried to make her voice sound as husky as she could. She liked the effect it had on Shizuru. In fact, she always liked the vulnerable side of the girl much more than the perfect mask she wore in front of everyone. She knew that the Kyoto-girl would clearly understand her statement. The words were simply screaming: 'I am ready.'

Shizuru was glad that Natsuki couldn't see her face right now. She felt like she was grinning like an idiot. Natsuki gave Shizuru a quick peck on the ear instead of another passionate kiss. But right now, even this little contact sent shivers down her opposite's neck back. _I guess I am ready for this... if it's you, Shizuru... _

* * *

Meanwhile, in a motel near the Rorschach Bar, the odd looking couple had rent a room.

"Yeah yeah, just stay there and wait for me." Nao said to the muscle head, who was already lying naked in a bed that had obviously seen better times. To be exact the whole room emitted the atmosphere of a cheap porn movie. The curtains, that were shielding the shady cabinet from the outside world, must have been red in the past, but due to heavy smoking and other evaporations they had turned ocher with time.

"I've waited the whole evening, right Nao-chan?" The tall muscle-head said.

_As if... you have done a good job on our way to the motel. _Nao thought to herself. When they had left the bar and the others were gone, the guy almost threw himself on Nao. She had have troubles to struggle herself free from his hands. And judging by her arms, he clearly didn't know about the impact and strength of his hands.

"Yes, and therefore it won't kill you to wait a bit longer. I need to take a shower first." She answered, still using her girly voice. _Men are too stupid._

"You'll need a shower afterwards." He said with a disgusting grin.

_Yuck! I swear, if I still had my powers I would beat the shit out of you little pervert! _"Hihi, you're so funny Kento." She said with a faked playful voice. "Now, be a good boy and drink your beer, while I'm showering." _...and have sweet dreams. _Nao went to the bathroom, leaving the door ajar and turned on the faucet. Not even bothering to undress, she waited for a few minutes in front of the shower until she heard the sound of shattering glass. When she was quietly peeking through the gap, saw the broken beer bottle. She walked back into the room full of confidence. Kento was still lying in bed, obviously completely knocked out by the mixture in his bottle. Only his steady breathing signaled that he was still alive._ These knock-out drops sure where worth its money. _Nao thought, while she was searching the pockets of his jeans for a wallet._ This should be enough for a decent hotel room and to get me through the next days, but I need to find another job for sure. It's getting difficult to rob perverts without my powers, plus school starts on Monday... Damn this school! As long as I was a HiME I was good enough to stay on the scholarship and now they don't give a shit... If only I still had Julia with me... or Mama... or Natsu... No! She's with this crazy psycho bitch and as long as she's stupid enough to stay with her... anyhow... I guess I have no choice but to take that offer..._

* * *

**A/N:** Alright, this chapter as a whole turned out to be extremely long. So I had to cut it in the middle. The second part of it is not completely finished but will also be uploaded soon. I finished my exams but I am moving in with my girlfriend and therefore I barely have time to write. So, please bare with me.


	7. Back to School

_**"Don't be fooled for the happiest face may be masking the most hurting heart."**_

**Disclaimer: Mai HiME is property of Sunrise.**

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**Chapter 6 – Back to School**

The alarm-clock was ringing for minutes before Natsuki was even able to move a finger. She had been getting used to sleeping in again since Shizuru had come back. Normally, the older girl would wake her, but due to the fact that holidays were over, she was staying at home to reschedule some things with Fuuka University. Yawning and still tired like hell, the girl slowly rose to her feet. _I can't believe I am actually bothering to get to school on time._ Thinking of her upcoming birthday, she started to slightly worry about her habits. _I am really becoming an old hag. But, at least I am an old hag on bike._

A short shower and a decent amount of coffee later, Natsuki was ready to get going, when her mobile phone was beeping. It was a message from Shizuru.

'Good morning beautiful. Be a good student and have fun. Kisses'

A smile crossed her lips before she sped off. _Boring school day here I come!_

Hours later, Natsuki was sitting in her last class for today. She was not paying attention to Sakomizu-sensei's words at all. The morning had been pretty boring too, because the teachers only gave information about the topics ahead and final exams. Therefore, the former HiME was looking outside the window most of the time. Only, when the word 'music' was mentioned Sakomizu-sensei caught her attention.

"It's my duty to also tell you about the great variety of clubs that our school offers. Most of them will be taught by some of your fellow students. So, if any of you is interested in club activities, please talk to me after class. There are many clubs in the sports section, for example Kendo and Swim Club. We still have the painting club and this year we also organized a music club. All of you are welcome to join."

When the school bell rang, everyone hurried to get out of the room. Except Natsuki, who did not bother to hurry. It was only the first day of a long term ahead. So, no reason to get all excited. When she finally was ready to leave Sakomizu spoke to her.

"Aren't you interested in joining a club?"

Natsuki stopped and looked at him as if he were stupid.

"Don't give me that look. I could clearly see that the music club caught your attention."

Natsuki smiled lightly and Sakomizu knew he was right.

"I could sign you up on the list. Which instrument do you prefer?"

"Well, I like the guitar, but I am not a fan of spending time around all the hyper and loud students of Fuuka."

"That might be true." There was a little pause, where the teacher seemed to be thinking about a solution.

"Hmm and if I could arrange private lessons for you after the club activities? I know you don't mind if it's later on the day." He offered.

"Why would you do this? Plus, I believe the poor student who will have to stay after school this long wouldn't be fond of the idea either."

"Well, the students get paid for their work. So, this should not be a problem. I would still like to do something useful for you. I've always liked you and I feel like I haven't repaid my debt."

"That's because there is none." Natsuki stated bluntly.

"Why can't you just say thank you and smile like a nice girl would do?"

"Because I am not a nice girl." She smiled wickedly. "I'll think about it."

"Good. Although, I find the image of you and an acoustic guitar slightly disturbing." He was scratching his head and laughing nervously.

"What?" Natsuki snapped back.

"Err, I mean... it's so girlish." He stammered.

_Girlish? Hell no! Natsuki's brain went on alert. _"I am of course interested in electric guitars!" She said, while tossing a strand of her hair back.

"Oh, sure. I thought so. I'll take of the rest then. You'll have to bring your guitar to school though, since we only offer acoustic ones." Sakomizu was still nervously laughing.

"Whatever!" She growled and left the room. _Girlish! And that coming from a gardener! How masculine is that? Since when is playing acoustic guitar girlish? It's not like I'm learning how to play the harp. I wish I had a decent sense of rhythm so that I could play drums... but moving all of my extremities in different patterns at the same time isn't an option for me. I'm glad that I can even control my hands. Thank god, Shizuru couldn't hear that thought right now. I bet she would have made a very subtle statement out of this._ Natsuki, as usual, walked into the direction of the woods where her bike was parked. When she was about to put on her biker suit, she suddenly saw a well-known face disappearing in the forest. Not sure if the younger girl had noticed her, she decided to follow her.

After a few minutes of searching without success, she heard a nice melody wafting through the trees. Drawn by the sound and curiosity, she was eventually led her to the origin of the melody.

Natsuki was slightly hiding behind a big tree, when she spotted the familiar young girl with short pink hair, who was sitting under a huge oak. Not daring to interrupt the player, Natsuki just watched Nao and listened for a bit. The younger girl had her eyes closed, while she rested her back against the tree. The sun was shining through the leaf canopy, forming beautiful light reflections on the slender body of hers. Somehow the moment had something magical about it. The whole scenery, including Natsuki, was wrapped in the melody coming from the rhythmic breaths of the young girl against a little leaf, which she pressed against lips. The wind seemed to magically accompany the tones with steady light breezes. It was almost as if Nao was melting with the scenery around her. Natsuki couldn't help but think that it was an absolutely beautiful sight. When the melody suddenly stopped, she felt as if she had been torn out of a sweet reverie. Figuring that she might have been spotted, she tensed, but to her amazement Nao still hadn't noticed her. The pink-haired girl only had tilted her head towards the sky and led out a sigh. Still not eager to interrupt the serenity, Natsuki was waiting for the right moment to say something. _I feel like a pervert... Silently hiding behind a tree and watching her. I should really just come out and talk to her. _Natsuki let out a sigh. _This used to be much easier before..._

While Natsuki was still debating with herself, Nao had started to roll up the sleeve of her left arm. The next time the ice-princess paid attention to Nao she had to look twice. _What the hell..._ There were some light bruises and a huge scar on the pale skin of the younger girl. The slender arm had already looked fragile enough without the blemishes, but now, it looked even more like glass. Natsuki was so shocked that she unintentionally made a sound by taking a step forward. Nao instantly noticed that she wasn't alone and hurried to pull down her sleeve again.

"Who's there? You better come out or I'll kick your ass!" _Well, I'll much likely kick your ass when you come out too. _

Natsuki knew that this was the right time to show herself. "It's me." She said sternly and started to walk over. Nao recognized the voice in an instance. _Natsuki... _

"Kuga?" She growled. _Of course... You! Of all people... Lucky me... _Nao made a troubled face for a second, but soon managed to get back her cockiness. "Since when do you stay this long at school? Wait, let me rephrase this: Since when do you come to school to begin with? Did your owner bring you here and forgot you after lessons were over?" _I'm sorry Natsuki, but there's no other way to face you after all..._

Natsuki hesitated for split second, but eventually made her towards the younger girl. "I could say the same to you. What are you doing here this late?"

"This isn't any of your business! I have my reasons." Nao replied with an angry voice.

"So do I!" _Well, I don't... besides going after you and spying on you... _

The uncomfortable silence that followed was underlined by a strong breeze that blew up some dust and leaves. By shielding her eyes, the left arm of Nao became slightly visible again. Natsuki couldn't help but reaching out and grab Nao by her left hand. It was like a reflex. She just had to take a closer look. The lime-eyed girl was so shocked that she needed a few seconds to realize what had just happened. As soon as she was back on track she hastily pulled away.

"Let go of me! What is wrong with you?" She screamed.

"What happened?" Natsuki saidm sounding calm but irritated.

"Still none of your business." Nao said with cold eyes.

_Dammit Nao... Why are you acting like this? Why don't you talk to me anymore? Back there on stage it seemed as if everything's okay and now it's even worse than before we got to know each other. I can't simply go back to being a stranger to you. _"Was it this guy again or the stupid muscle-head? I mean the bruises and this scar... it's so huge... is it from that night?" Natsuki's eyes were practically pleading, butNao's gaze made clear that she would not answer any of the questions._ I need to figure out what happened and if she even has a place to stay... I mean she's right, it's none of my business, but then... I can't look away... _Natsuki thought before her phone set an abrupt end to her train of thoughts.

"Your owner is calling. You better answer."

Natsuki looked at the display and had to admit that it was indeed Shizuru.

'Yes.' She said, still watching Nao, who was averting her gaze.

'Hello Natsuki, I hope school was good.'

'Mhh.'

Shizuru could sense the uneasiness in an instant. 'It seems like this call is ill-timed...' The Kyoto-girl tried to sound nonchalant, but she was extremely wary.

'Mhh... ' Natsuki replied absent-mindedly, still trying to catch Nao's gaze.

'Alright then... I only wanted to ask if you could pick me up on your way home. I am finished here. But if it troubles you I can call a cab.'

'Umm... No... I will pick you up. Just wait in front of the building.'

'Thank you...' Shizuru was waiting for some kind of response, but only the static broke the silence on the other side of the line.

'Natsuki?'

'Yes?' The way the voice with the Kyoto-ben pronounced her name shook Natsuki out of the blankness.

'I love you.'

Natsuki eyes got wide, as she wasn't sure if it was okay to response. Looking at Nao, who gave her a despising look, she felt very uncomfortable, but the silence at the end of the line wasn't giving her a better options.

'Love you too' she replied and quickly flipped the phone shut.

The younger girl turned away immediately. Natsuki wasn't sure, but for a moment Nao's cold face seemed to show a sign of pain.

"Just like I said... Owner calls and puppy comes. You make me sick." And with that, Nao was gone.

When Natsuki arrived at the university she was still tense, but tried her best to act normal. She and Shizuru decided to grab something to eat. As soon as they sat down in the restaurant though, Shizuru asked what was wrong. After all, Natsuki wasn't good at hiding her emotions and the crimson-eyed woman had always been a mind reader.

"Did something happen at school? You're quieter than usual." Shizuru asked with a concerned face. Natsuki still wasn't in the mood to reproduce the conversation with Nao. Therefore, she decided to talk about the school day in general.

"School was boring like hell and Sakomizu called me girlish." She said sulkily. Shizuru chuckled in response. "Oi, what's so funny?" Natsuki complained with a light blush on her face.

"Ara, Natsuki is too cute. Of course, you would be mad if somebody called you girlish. Other girls would probably be flattered..."

"I don't see why something like that would be flattering." She put on her pouting face which made her look even more adorable to Shizuru.

"And this, I do believe you without a doubt. But for what reason did Sakomizu-sensei call you that?"

"Acoustic guitar..." she grumbled.

"Excuse me? You have to make yourself a bit clearer." Shizuru leaned slightly in to underline her interest. The green-eyed girl seemed to be really angry about the comment of her teacher. After a few more seconds of waiting, Natsuki explained the situation to Shizuru.

"I see. It is much cooler to play the electric guitar then." Shizuru summoned from Natsuki's story.

"Yes." She still pouted with her arms crossed.

"So, are you going to take the offered private lessons?"

"I don't think so." Natsuki said, while Shizuru was silently debating with herself, if she should really encourage her lover in playing the guitar. After all, it was something that the younger girl associated with this Yuuki. But she knew deep down that Natsuki's happiness was way more important than her jealousy.

"It looked like you had a lot of fun playing the guitar on the stage though." She said, trying to lighten the mood of the grumpy girl at the other side of the table. An unintentional but light smile crossed Natsuki's face, when she seemed to think back of the excitement. Shizuru caught the small change of expression and went on:

"I think you should at least try it out. It wouldn't hurt, right?"

"I guess, but it's not an option anyway. I don't have an electric guitar and Sakomizu told me that I need to bring one, because the school only offers acoustics."

"I see. But still, you looked extremely hot with that e-guitar on you." With the use of her alluring voice, Shizuru was able to stop the change of mood before it was back to gloomy again. Of course, Natsuki started blushing under the choice of words.

"That cute blushing face reminds me... is it okay if I come over to your apartment at eight on Friday?" Shizuru said.

"Huh?" _Friday... ah... the birthday celebration... only for the two of us. Ugh... I hope I am really ready for this... _

"Yes, eight is fine." Natsuki tried to be as confident as she could, but Shizuru felt that this wasn't the case at all. She took Natsuki's hand and kissed her palm for taking away the uneasiness and to her amazement, it actually worked. Natsuki gave Shizuru a warm smile. They both knew everything was going to be okay.

On Friday morning the door bell was ringing earlier than Natsuki's alarm clock.

"Who the fuck?" Natsuki mumbled to herself not fully awake. Before she could sort out any of her morning though, the annoying sound came again. "Yes, yes. I am coming!" _Stupid bastards! Whoever this might be, I will kick their ass!_ When she opend the door, she was greeted by a man she had never seen before.

"Kuga-san?" The man asked in a bored tone.

"Who the hell are you?" Natsuki growled at him, only wearing a white shirt and short pants.

The man became slightly uneasy by looking at the scantily dressed and obviously angry girl. "Well... I am the postman. Nice to meet you." He said.

"Postman?" Natsuki cocked a brow.

"Yes. A man who delivers post from..." He explained as if she was an idiot.

"I know what a postman is. I just never really met one. They usually drop the mail in my box without bothering me early in the morning!" She went on in a sharp tone.

"I am happy to hand over the first package in your life to you then. And look, it's a huge one too." He said nervously, trying to ease the tension. Natsuki seemed to relax a bit while peeking over his shoulder to take a look at the big carton.

She somehow was still grumpy when the postman had left. But after pouring some coffee she went back into the living room to examine the strange box. _This is really odd. It's actually big enough that you could hide someone insi... Oh my fucking god!_ She couldn't help but having the thought of the half-naked Shizuru, who would probably jump out of the box. _Nah, even Shizuru wouldn't do something like this. We're supposed to meet this evening. _Silently praying and still a bit afraid she started to unpack it._ NO WAY! _She couldn't believe her eyes. After removing all the paper a rectangular black case with three silver letters was lying in front of her. She traced her fingers along the logo as if it was something holy. When she carefully opened the case a new ESP Eclipse-I in satin-black was revealed. Her face had the expression of a six years old child on Christmas._ Holy Shit... _A little letter was attached to the neck.

- 'My dearest Natsuki,

I know that your birthday is only tomorrow, but I talked to Sakomizu-sensei and he told me that the first guitar lesson was scheduled today after your classes and I didn't want you to miss it. So, I figured you wouldn't mind if your present would arrive early. It's a shame that I can't be there to see your cute face when you open the box, but I bet you have the brightest smile on your lips. And like I said, I thought you looked extremely hot with an electric guitar on you... So, this is for my pleasure too ;-) I hope you'll have fun playing your new guitar. Be a good girl and go to school on time. I'll make sure to be the first one to wish you a happy birthday this night... I'm looking forward to see you.

I love you

Shizuru' -

And indeed Natsuki's face had the brightest smile. _Shizuru... _

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**A/N:** So, this is the second part of the former chapter. The next one might take me awhile because I will have no time to write thanks to the moving process. So, please bare with me.


	8. Beautiful

_**"I wish I had the guts to walk away and forget about what we had, but I can't because I know you won't come after me & that's what hurts the most."**_

**A/N: **So sorry for the long wait but the moving and the exams really got the best of me. I didn't have internet and I got very sick (stupid gastritis almost killed me). But now I am slowly recovering and coming back to life. Therefore, I bring you another chapter. I hope you like it.

**Disclaimer: Sunrise owns Mai HiME.**

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**Chapter 7 - Beautiful**

For Natsuki it was one of the hardest decisions she ever had to make. Already getting late for school, she knew she had to face one fact: To choose between the two of them. She had tried a thousand different ways to have both, but it simply wasn't possible. _Bike or guitar… _The problem was that the case was too big to adjust it safely onto her bike. Thus, she left her motorcycle behind with a heavy heart. For the first time in ages, she walked to the bus station, proudly carrying the big guitar case. _I hope this thing is worth the trouble. If my teacher's a dork I will ask Sakomizu if I can use the music room to practice. After all, an electric guitar has to be loud and I am afraid my neighbors don't want hear my skills at home._ The case seemed to make quite the impression because many people were looking at her and even talking behind her back. Natsuki didn't bother with such nuisance though. She was used to this kind of stuff. It was a little annoying to carry the guitar around the whole day. Even at lunch break she couldn't leave it in the classroom as it was much too valuable. It was a sunny day and most of the students were strolling around on campus grounds. This was one of the reasons, why the ice-princess wanted to look for a more serene place to eat. Deep in thoughts about the upcoming lessons, she was walking towards the quieter side of the school ground.

"Natsuki, over here!" This enthusiastic voice could only belong to one particular person. After looking around a few times, she saw a waving Mai sitting on a blanket near the meadow. Mikoto was comfortably lying on the girl's lap. Natsuki was smiling and waving back at her, a bit happy to see the red-head. The sight of Mikoto wearing the high school uniform was still an odd image to her eyes. The two were accompanied by Aoi and Chie and, of course, Tate.

"Ne, Natsuki what's with that big case?" Mai asked in a curious voice.

"It's..." Natsuki started, but Chie interrupted her in a joking tone.

"Finally, the famous ice-princess of Fuuka brought her own refrigerator to school." The gossip queen chuckled. Natsuki gave her a faked icy glance.

"Actually, it's a machine gun to stop people like you from talking nonsense." She spat, but grinned to ease the tension that came with her glance from before to make clear it was sarcasm. But she had no doubt that without the smile everyone would have believed her.

"Is it food?" Mikoto asked.

"Mikoto, you already ate your bento-box a few minutes ago."

"But Mai, I am still hungry."

"You sure have a big appetite. Here, you can have the rest of mine." Mai said with a sigh.

"Really?" Mikoto's eyes became huge and bright. "Mai's the best." And with that the cat-like girl was attacking Mai's breast with a cuddle attack.

"So, what is it Kuga-san?" Aoi politely asked.

"It's an electric guitar. I have my first lesson today." Natsuki shrugged her shoulders as if it was completely natural for her to have club activities.

"I would have never thought you would be a person to join a club." Tate said.

"I am not really joining a club. It's more of a private lesson." She explained.

"Uhh, the ice-princess getting private lessons... So, what's the deal? Who's the private teacher?" Chie spoke again.

"I wouldn't tell you, even if I would know, gossip-girl."

"Maybe it's Shiho. I heard she's teaching the flute in the music club." Mai said with an unreadable face before she went on. "By the way, where is she?"

"She's signing up to run in the election." Tate said, making a troubled face.

"What? Who would vote for her?" Mai said with an annoyed undertone.

"Ah, Mai-san is getting jealous again." Chie tried to fire on the heat by taking a photo.

Thankfully, Natsuki was able to cool down the mood with an odd question. "What election?" Everyone was looking at her as if she was from outer space. "Don't give me that look. Just answer my question." She said, earning some puzzled looks.

"The election for the new student-council president. Fujino-sama is gone. I mean, she might still be your Kaichou, but this school needs someone new." Underlining her statement with a grin, Chie was winking at Natsuki.

"Oh, shut up. And you're telling me that Shiho is running for this position?"

"Well, not yet. You can't sign up yourself for this. Other students make suggestions and then you're automatically signed up. And Shiho is trying to find some people who would bring her on the list." Tate explained.

"Who's in the race so far?" Mai asked full of curiosity.

"Well, there are only three so far. That would be Shiho, Nao Yuuki and I."

Natsuki almost choked on her drink hearing the names. Everyone notice her odd behavior and was looking at her.

"What's the big deal?" Tate asked.

"Huh? Umm, I just thought it would be strange for someone like Nao to be on that list. I mean, she's not suitable for that position, right?" Natsuki was nervously laughing to hide her uneasiness.

"She seems to be very famous among the boys. So, I guess she was suggested by some of them. I doubt it was her decision." Chie explained.

"Right..." Obviously uncomfortable, Natsuki decided to go back to school for the afternoon classes. _Really now, Nao running for the position of the student council president... Could things be any stranger?_ The image of Nao wearing the white uniform of the student-council president suddenly shot up in Natsuki's head and for some reason a light blush became visible on her cheeks. _Gahh! What the hell is wrong with you, brain? This uniform belongs to Shizuru!_

The more time went by, the more excited Natsuki got. She was wandering up and down the campus grounds, waiting for the club activities to end. The sun was already low. Finally, the school bell rang to mark the end of the club activities. It also underlined the upcoming dawn. Students started to stroll out of the building and hurried to catch the last bus. _The last bus... Oh shit. I haven't thought about the problem of getting home later without my bike. Damn! I have to think of something after the lesson._

When Natsuki entered the school building again, it was as if she was going through a portal into another universe. The usually busy halls and rooms seemed to be all empty. Rays of the setting sun were creating magical light effects through the glass roof of the big hall. The serenity was magical. It was a peaceful and stunning sight. She realized that never before she had seen the beauty of this school. For her it always was a place to despise. Her whole life she had been fighting against this school, but now, she was just an ordinary girl and this was just an ordinary school. _How many times I have wished for all of this... and now, that everything has come true, I miss being special... I guess life is always about the things you cannot have. As soon as you have all the things you ever wanted, you're not able to cherish them until you lose them again. What a vicious little cycle that is. _Her footsteps echoed through the empty doorway until she found her door was closed and she couldn't hear a sound coming from inside_. Maybe it's the wrong room... or maybe Shizuru mixed up the time. Shit, I should have talked to Sakomizu in person. _While Natsuki was deliberating what to do, she suddenly heard footsteps coming from inside. In one fast movement the door swung open before she was able to knock.

A gust of wind followed by a beam of light was striking her face. The sun was shining through the windows opposite to the door and Natsuki was blinded at first. Her right hand that was originally intended to knock was now very much needed to block the sun from her eyes.

"You?" A familiar but shocked voice screamed.

Still not having regained her eyesight, Natsuki was a bit confused. Her brain needed some time to finally connect the voice to a face. The silhouette in front of her slightly started to retrieve its colors. Still in complete shock, Natsuki was only able to mutter one word: "Nao"

"Yes, brain. I am proud that you can say my name so well and now get the fuck out! I have things to do! Don't you have something important to do yourself? Like walking beside your owner and bark at men?" Nao said aggressively as ever.

"What? I am supposed to be here." The harsh words made Natsuki snap back in defense.

"Really? Why?" Nao aked.

"None of your business." Natsuki turned around, the big black case still over her shoulder.

"Wait, is that an ESP?" The voice suddenly softening a bit.

"Huh?" She stopped.

"In that case, dumbass!" Nao asked, almost back to normal, for whatever that means in her case.

"Ah, this. Yeah..." she said a bit calmer but still confused.

"Don't tell me..." Nao made a troubled face, as if she had just discovered a new deadly disease. "You're the student for the private lessons..."

Almost in the same second Natsuki understood what this was all about and the terror forced its way to her eyes and voice.

"No way..."

"I guess you're my student then."

"Hah! You wish!" Natsuki said with shocked eyes.

"Believe me, I didn't wish for this either. But I guess this is how things are. Or are you not the person who gets private e-guitar lessons?"

Natsuki's brain started to search for an excuse, while she furrowed her brow. Seeing the usual strong girl having such an inner conflict made Nao smile for a split second.

_You really are adorable at times, Natsuki... _"Okay, let's make this short. Since you carry a huge ESP guitar case with you and you're the last student left on campus for today, I already figured that the lesson is for you. So, you don't have to make up an excuse or anything. If you don't want me as your teacher just say it and we can call the whole thing off."

"No." Natsuki spun around. Before she had even thought about her answer, her mouth had already worded it.

"Alright then." Nao said with a challenging glance.

"If it's alright with you." Natsuki said.

"I get paid. So, anything is fine. I did worse things for money."

Natsuki was rendered speechless, while Nao turned away to go back into the music room.

"Don't just stand there. Come in, so we can finally start."

"Yes, ma'am... " Natsuki said, unable to suppress the little sarcasm, but Nao knew how to put her in her place.

"Sorry, I just thought you are now used to follow orders."

It was just too obvious that younger girl was referring to Shizuru again, but instead of picking up another fight, Natsuki decided to stay calm.

The lesson went smoothly most of the time. The raven-haired girl had to admit that Nao was a good teacher when it came to guitars. Her new guitar sounded great to her ears even if she was still not able to play properly. She got some useful tips from the younger girl though. Of course, Nao made some mean comments here and there, but the atmosphere wasn't too odd. She actually felt very good being around Nao again. Just now, she realized how much she had missed her.

With time the sun was almost gone, leaving the sky colored in a beautiful mix of red and yellow. The horizon seemed to be nothing more than a firing line. Natsuki wasn't able to pay attention to Nao's explanations anymore. The view was much too beautiful to look away. Nao soon noticed that the older girl wasn't listening to her words any longer. She was just about the make a snippy comment, when she lifted her head to face her former friend. The sight in front of her eyes made her heart skip a painful beat.

Without turning away from the blazing sunset, Natsuki knew that her moment of distraction had caught Nao's attention.

"It's beautiful, isn't it?" Natsuki said in a dreamy and distant voice, her gaze still fixated on the horizon.

Those were the moments that made it very hard for the younger girl to keep up her masquerade. Surrounded by the last rays of sunlight and a peaceful silence, it was as if the ice-princess had an invisible power to leave little crack and marks here and there on her well-shielded heart.

"Very beautiful indeed..." Nao said without hiding her true feelings for once. She herself was amazed how much softer her voice sounded that way.

Natsuki smiled, not knowing that Nao wasn't looking at sky at all.

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**A/N:** Yes, I know still not the bed scene (mainly because I haven't decided how things will work out by now) and still not the gotcha-game. But all of this is going to come in the later chapters. For this one, I would like to hear your opinions. Who shall become the next student council president. Be sure to cast your vote within a review.


	9. Sleepover

_**"Once in my life, I met someone whom I loved and cared for. I gave everything, I fought for her. But one thing I forgot to do is to ask if she wanted me to."**_

**Disclaimer: As always; Sunrise owns Mai HiME.**

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**Chapter 8 - Sleepover**

'The thing is, I need you to hear me out.'

"No."

'Shizuru, please. I have a right to.'

"It doesn't matter anyway. I am far away and I won't come back. Please be so kind and just accept that truth. Farewell."

'Wait... Shi-' and before Sandra could even finish speaking out her name, Shizuru had hung up on her.

_I am sorry Sandra, but there is simply no room for you in my heart. It's already filled up... It always was... _Shizuru still had many things to do before she could go on her special date with Natsuki and it was already getting dark._ Showering and getting dressed will take longer than usual today I suppose._ Unexpectedly, a light heat crawled up her cheeks._ Ara, I never thought I would get so nervous about this... It's not like it's the first time, but it's Natsuki... Everything's different when it comes to her. She must be dying of nervousness right now. I just hope she doesn't feel forced or anything... _The weight of the mobile phone in her hand was a silent reminder of a certain fact that Shizuru had successfully hidden from Natsuki until now. She knew that her now girlfriend would ask her eventually about her relationship with Sandra, but she feared that day to no end._ I should tell her anything... But I can't. I can't even say these things out loud to myself. What I did was wrong and I've already done so many bad things... Natsuki doesn't need to know how ugly the person on her side is. She is so pure... and I am so... Why can't I just be like her, instead of walking in her shadow? Maybe I am the shadow... who knows... I should tell her anyway. She has every right to know before tonight... _

The darkness was creeping through the empty halls of Fuuka Academy, reminding the two guitar players that the lesson was already over.

"I guess we should call it a day." Nao said as swung her legs lazily from left to right.

"As you wish, sensei." Natsuki responded with a grin.

"Oi, dog! Don't make it sound so odd. I am a serious person."

Natsuki couldn't help but burst out into laughter.

"Hey, what's so funny?" Nao tried to sound angry, but somehow she couldn't manage to maintain her grumpy behavior throughout the lesson. Being around Natsuki for so long made it complicate to act mean all the time. Still laughing, Natsuki tried to answer the question.

"Sorry, but this was too funny. You, standing there, with the huge e-guitar, while talking about serious business."

Natsuki watched how Nao slightly pouted under her comment. _She can be really cute sometimes... I wonder why she never shows any of this in public. _

Suddenly, a loud bang shook both of them out of their thoughts.

"What was that?" Natsuki was on her feet right away.

"How would I know? We better get out of here soon. It's late anyway."

"Don't tell me you're afraid." Natsuki instantly slapped her inner self for that stupid comment. _Of course she would be afraid after everything that had happened to her... Dammit, why do I always have to speak before I think?_

"Shut up." was the only thing that Nao replied to the statement.

Feeling very sorry, Natsuki slowly approached the younger girl from behind. She wasn't sure if it was okay to touch her, but somehow she felt the need to reassure the younger girl that she didn't has to be afraid. That she was there to protect her from anything bad.

The sudden contact made the heart of Nao skip a beat. Very irritated about the hand on her back, she was afraid to turn around. Of course, she knew it was Natsuki but the thought of turning around and looking directly in those emerald orbs made her hands sweat. She felt the need to hide her vulnerability.

"We better go now." She said nonchalantly.

Natsuki could sense the anxiety, even though Nao tried to act cool. When they entered the doorway the loud bang could be heard once again. Nao shut her eyes in defense, while Natsuki was searching for the reason of the disturbance. She reflexively grabbed the younger girl by the hand to drag her forward.

"You don't have to be afraid. I am here to protect you if anything happens." Natsuki said calmly.

Nao fought the urge to pull her hand away because she secretly enjoyed the whole scenario. The role as a knight in shining armor really fitted the dark-haired girl. Yet, the words and gesture had a huge impact on her as her heart seemed to be literally aching.

"Natsuki..." The name somehow escaped her lips.

Hearing the younger girl call her that instead of 'Kuga' or 'dog' brought a smile to Natsuki's lips. She had to admit that she had missed those simple things. The sensation of walking through the dark corridors, not knowing if something dangerous was around, made Natsuki's heart race. She felt like having superpowers again. _This is thrilling. I hope it's nothing bad. It would be difficult to protect us both without having my powers. But together we should make it... Sounds odd, but it doesn't feel odd at all... even holding her hand doesn't feel wrong... _

BANG!

The both jumped around in shock, hearing the noise next to their ears. An open door was swinging back and forth, caused by the wind that was coming inside through an open window.

They looked at each other, feeling completely stupid and started laughing.

"Alright my hero, would you be so brave and close that evil window for me?" Nao said in a playful voice.

"As my princess wishes." Natsuki made her voice sound husky and winked at the younger girl before turning around. Nao was glad that Natsuki couldn't see that she was actually blushing.

When they were outside of the building the raven-haired girl realized that she hadn't thought of an idea how to get home.

"Ne Nao, how do you get home? The last bus came hours ago and I didn't bring my bike."

"I usually don't mind a nice little walk in the evening breeze."

"Really? How long do you have to walk usually?" Natsuki asked, with hands in her pockets. She was nonchalantly looking away.

Nao found the attempt to be discrete quite cute. She knew that Natsuki tried to find out if she had found a place to stay and decided to appease the older one on this matter.

"Hmm, 10 minutes, I suppose." She said honestly.

"Huh?" Natsuki's head shot up.

"I live in the dorms again, silly. That's part of my payment here."

"Oh, I see. That's great." Natsuki face lit up. She was relieved to hear that Nao had a decent place to stay again.

"If you don't know how to get home you can stay over. It's Friday, so you can take the bus in the morning… since we don't have school." _What the hell am I doing here?!_

"I..." Natsuki didn't know how to phrase the next words right. She wouldn't mind staying over at Nao's apartment at all, but she had a date with Shizuru that she couldn't miss. "…have something planned for tonight. But maybe another time."

The friendly face in front of her was replaced by an icy mask again.

"I see. I figured you would be busy since it's your birthday tomorrow. You better call a cab then. Here I'll give you the number."

Natsuki knew that she had lost the chance to rebuild the boundaries between her and Nao, but she couldn't call the date with Shizuru off.

The doorbell was ringing at 8 o'clock, its sound promptly sending light panic attacks through the body of the usually cool ice-princess. She had arrived only 20 minutes ago and therefore, didn't have time to shower. Shizuru, on the opposite, looked breathtaking to her as she opened the door. The Kyoto-born girl was dressed in a lavender-colored skirt and a white blouse with a fitting lilac scarf. Her scent was magnificent. Natsuki's brain nearly shut off by the alluring flavor. Shizuru couldn't help but chuckle over the view in front of her. Natsuki looked a bit like she was about to literally drool.

"Ara, I thought Natsuki would also dress up a little. Don't bother though, you look gorgeous anyway."

"Yeah, yeah..." _Brain to Natsuki: Snap out of it! _"Huh? I mean yes. No! I mean, I didn't have the time to shower. Please come in and make yourself at home. I'll be back in a few minutes. Let me just do a quick showering." Natsuki stammered.

"Alright, don't stress yourself out. I could make something to eat meanwhile."

"That would be great. I'll be right back." The attempt to turn around and to run for the shower was stopped by a sudden embrace from behind.

"That's not the way to say a proper 'hello' to your girlfriend, is it?" Shizuru said with her thick accent. Natsuki's cheeks went bright red. Nonetheless, she turned around slowly to give the older girl a passionate welcome kiss.

"Hello..." She muttered, before she finally left for the bathroom.

While the younger girl was showering Shizuru's playful face was replaced by a worried expression. _I have to tell her before anything happens... I just don't know how to start... this is going to be tough... _

The shower stopped and after a few minutes Natsuki came out wearing a pair of black low-cut jeans with some slashes and a black band-shirt. It was simple, but still she looked stunning.

"Thank you so much for the present, Shizuru! It's really really awesome! I love it!" Natsuki said with shining eyes.

"I'm glad you like it. I suppose your first lesson went well." She warmly smiled.

"Yes, it was great. I'm so looking forward to the next one." Natsuki started babbling about some guitar stuff that Shizuru didn't get at all and so, her thoughts drifted off again. _How to start...? I should probably just wait until she's finished and then change the topic to the 'back-then-Germany-topic'..._

"Ne, Shizuru... Are you even listening? You seem absent-minded." Natsuki gave her a worried and disappointed look.

"I'm sorry. It seems I don't quite understand all the technical details about guitar play." _Okay, now's the time. _But before she could start, Natsuki spoke again.

"That's what I thought too in the beginning when Nao taught me all this stuff, but..."

Shizuru's eyes went wide.

"Nao?" _Again this little... _

"Yes, she's my teacher. I thought you'd already know about this from Sakomizu." Natsuki stated.

"No, he didn't bother to tell me." Shizuru wasn't able to hide that she was obviously not happy about the situation.

"Is anything wrong with that?" Natsuki said, having no idea why the older girl suddenly acted so odd.

"I don't know. You tell me."

"What? Where's this coming from?" Natsuki's furrowed her brow.

"You know what I am talking about. Nao is obviously after you and she's doing anything to be close to you." Shizuru's voice somewhat changed over the delicate topic.

The younger girl was slightly taken aback by the sudden mood change. "That's complete bullshit! She's rather doing the opposite. She's trying to stay as far away from me as she could." Natsuki crossed her arms in defense.

"Really? Then probably you're the one who cannot stay away..." _Shit, why am I doing this? I am not trying to make her feel bad just because I could feel better, am I? _

"What's wrong with you? It was pure coincidence that she's teaching guitar this semester. She needs the money and I just wanted to take some lessons. I didn't even know who was going to be the teacher. First, you give me that awesome guitar and now you make me feel guilty about learning how to play it?" Natsuki was too emotional to keep her voice down. Shizuru's words were nothing but unfair and unreasonable to her.

"It's not about playing it. It's about who teaches you how to play." Shizuru tried to explain.

"Why would you get jealous about something like that?"

"So, you can promise that there is nothing between the two of you?" She locked her crimson eyes with the puzzled green ones to look for any sign of doubt.

"Of course, there's nothing..." The image of her and Nao holding hands during the little scary episode this afternoon startled Natsuki for second.

"I knew it!" Shizuru stood up. "Your face is like an open book to me..." _Oh shit, this is going in the completely wrong direction. We should be fighting about Sandra and my faults and now I am stuck in this guilt-tripping atmosphere._

"Nothing really happened. I promise..." Natsuki said with a light desperate undertone.

"But something happened, right?" Shizuru was able to calm her voice again, but she was still very mad about the whole situation. She knew that she wasn't even mad with Natsuki but herself. Still, it didn't make things any better.

"There were those scary noises in the empty school hall and Nao was very afraid. So, I held her hand to drag her outside." Natsuki obviously felt very guilty while telling Shizuru what had happened. She wasn't even able to look the older girl into the eyes, although, she didn't know why she felt that way. _It didn't feel wrong before Shizuru started this damn conversation._

The crimson-eyed woman felt horrible when she saw what she had caused. She never wanted to make Natsuki feel bad about something so trivial. _I am the worst. Making her feel guilty about something so small as holding hands... if she knew what I did... she wouldn't even bother to tell me such things... _

Before she could think any further, Natsuki bridged the distance between them and built herself up in front of her.

"Listen Shizuru, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you."

"Natsuki, I have something to..."

"Hush..." Shizuru was silenced by Natsuki's index finger placed over her lips. The emerald orbs made Shizuru's thoughts spin. When Natsuki brought herself closer, Shizuru wasn't able to resist. She knew she should fight the urge to kiss the younger girl and talk to her about the issue with Sandra instead, but her mind became weaker with every fading inch between them. The impact of the pink lips made her mind go blank. She wasn't used to this kind of passion coming from the other girl. It was as if the desperation had acted as a catalyst for Natsuki's movements. As much as Shiuru wanted to restrain herself, she wasn't able to break the kiss. Both of them got completely lost in the moment. They knew this wasn't just a simple kiss. It didn't stop. It went on and on. Shizuru encircled Natsuki's waist to bring herself closer, causing their hips to collide. A low moan escaped Natsuki's mouth, who was obviously about to lose control. The sight of the younger girl, enjoying the movement of Shizuru's body and hands drove her crazy. There was no way back now and so she gently started kissing her way down Natsuki's neck, causing the girl's knees to become weak. They slowly let themselves sink down on the floor of the apartment. Shizuru, being on top, was slowly taking the lead. She brought one of her legs between Natsuki's to spread them and was rewarded with another low moan. There wasn't any resistance from the girl below her and so, Shizuru's hands slowly made their way under the black fabric of Natsuki's shirt. Her fingertips were flying over the slender ribcage, slightly brushing the side of Natsuki's right breast once in a while. The chest of the green-eyed girl was waving heavily under the light but intense touches. Natsuki broke the kiss for a moment, to gasp for air when Shizuru was encircling her belly button, before slowly wandering south.

Natsuki panted under the contact of Shizuru's fingers. She had never experienced such strong physical feelings before; beside pain of course. In fact, she had rather been terrified of being that close to somebody and that Shizuru was a woman didn't really make things better. Not really knowing much about this kind of stuff, Natsuki just acted on her instincts. Plus, she didn't have an option anyway as her body was starting to act on its own. She felt as if a huge knot started to build up inside of her under the circling of Shizuru's fingers. Trying to control her breathing was completely useless at this point since a moan escaped her throat whenever Shizuru hit a certain spot. She could feel the goosebumps on Shizuru's spine and heavy the breaths tickling her ear. It drove her nuts. Shizuru drove her nuts. She wasn't used to lose control so easily, but somehow, Shizuru's fingers were enough to make her forget everything around her. Her hips automatically pushed forward as Shizuru slid her fingers inside of her. Another moaning sound escaped her lungs when the hand between her legs started moving again. She dug her nails into Shizuru's arms as a response to the now steady thrusting. The feeling inside of her belly was just about to explode when the movements suddenly stopped.

"Your pants…" came the alluring Kyoto-ben.

"Huh?" Natsuki was completely startled after opening her eyes. The heat in the room had flushed her cheeks and made her look even more beautiful to Shizuru.

"They bother me." The Kyoto-girl said with playful grin on her lips.

She was pulled in for another passionate kiss, before Shizuru slowly brought her lips to her ear.

"Take them off."

Natsuki obeyed without hesitation. She hastily struggled free and the trousers hit the floor with a light thud. When she turned back to Shizuru, the sight in front her eyes let her gulp. The chestnut-haired girl had got rid of her blouse already. She had always thought of Shizuru as being stunningly beautiful, but seeing her like this took her breath away. The tension inside of her seemed to swell again by simply looking at Shizuru. Still feeling the pleasure from before between her legs, Natsuki lunged forward and sat herself on Shizuru's lap. She wanted to make her feel the same stunning sensation she had experienced minutes ago. So, she just did what Shizuru was doing earlier. While kissing her way down from Shizuru's mouth to the collarbone, she opened the older girl's bra. The kissing instantly became fiercer and she had real troubles to keep her position as Shizuru attempted to be on top again. Thankfully, Natsuki was a tad stronger and therefore pushed Shizuru down to the couch. She didn't give the older girl a chance to catch her breath as she placed her left hand under Shizuru's skirt, between her legs. She was greeted with same wetness she felt between her own. And much to her surprise it wasn't repelling at all. Quite the contrary, she was aroused by it. Only pausing to push up the skirt completely, Natsuki kept on doing what felt natural. It seemed to be the right way since Shizuru breaths soon turned into moans. Natsuki enjoyed being the reason for it. It was exciting to experience what effect the movements of her hand had on the other girl. The breathing of Shizuru quickly became rapid before it culminated to a loud moan. She kept her eyes closed, while her body was quivering in Natsuki's arms, who had a happy grin on her face, while tightening the embrace. She expected Shizuru to need some time catch her breath, but to her surprise the older girl was struggling free and forcing her to lie down her back. With a mischievous smile, Shizuru spread Natsuki's legs and positioned herself between them. Despite what had happened so far, Natsuki still blushed over the boldness. Making Shizuru feel good was one thing, but this was another. Luckily, there was not much time to think about the position as Shizuru started to kiss her way down her waistline. She barely realized when her underwear was taken off by the soft hands of her lover. The warm tongue against her bare skin let her lose every trace of reality. An indescribable warmth was spreading inside of her, the kisses intensified in a very favorable spot. There was no time to think about what Shizuru did to her. It just felt too good. And so, she let break free what she had been holding in. The knot in her belly exploded with a gasp and made her body spasm for several seconds before becoming limp. Shizuru slowly kissed her way up to Natsuki's now numb lips and smiled happily. She was still breathing heavily and completely speechless. Craddling herself in the arms of the chestnut-haired girl, she let exhaustion take over.

Hours later Shizuru's alarm clock went off.

"Happy birthday, my love." She said warmly and kissed Natsuki once more. Her sleeping face looked quite content. Watching the peaceful image brought a painful smile to her lips. _I'm so sorry Natsuki... I should have told you before all of this had happened. And now, it's too late. I can't turn back time, and even if I could, I doubt I would. I wouldn't be able to live without having experienced this moment with you. I never felt so complete... This could be perfect... But nothing's ever perfect with a lie... _

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**A/N:** Wow, longer chapter this time. I am sorry for everyone who didn't want this to happen. But it is needed for the plot. You can still vote for the Kaichou election though. It will be revealed in the next chapter. Once again the candidates are: Shiho, Chie and Nao. Although two people already voted for Mai o.O I hope you liked the chapter. In the next chapter will be the long awaited paintball-game


	10. Gotcha

_**"The hardest thing in life is when you know inside your heart that you still love the person but you already ran out of good reasons to fight for what you feel and what you believe in."**_

**Disclaimer: Sunrise owns Mai HiME.**

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**Chapter 9 - Gotcha**

_It doesn't feel the same. A pain I never knew before. The wind has become heavy. The sky turns from grey to black and back again. My world's shaking under this force. The protector is nothing more than a liar. My hands are stained and you're still so pure. So innocent... I can barely look at you without regret, but I smile. Just like you; only worlds apart. I've always wanted to protect this purity, but I fear I am the one who took it away from you. Although I shouldn't have laid hands on you before you know the whole truth, I couldn't resist... Forgive me... again._

"Really Shizuru, you seem to space out a lot lately." Natsuki said. She was still lying in bed next to stretching her legs.

"Mh? Ara, there's a lot of stuff going on with transferring and moving back to Fuuka." The older girl put on her perfect mask and Natsuki didn't seem to find anything suspicious about her words.

"How can you actually think of something like this after 'such' a night...?" Natsuki's cheeks became red and she looked away by saying the last words.

_I cannot stand this. I have to tell her..._ Shizuru thought, feeling completely guilty. "Natsuki, I... "

Natsuki's mobile phone was going off, sending a wave of shock through Shizuru's already pain filled face.

"Oi, don't be so easily startled. It's only my phone. Birthday, remember?" Natsuki stated.

"Right, go ahead." Shizuru shook her head, being very irritated about the reoccurring interruptions. Natsuki gave her quick peck on the cheek and flipped the phone open, while jumping out of bed.

_She seems to be quite happy and full of energy... Maybe it isn't that bad. It's her birthday after all. She has a right to enjoy it to the fullest._ Shizuru thought as her eyes followed the dark-haired girl through the room.

"Thank you, Mai. Yes you're the first one, besides Shizuru, of course. Okay, I'll see you at the Game Center then. Bye bye."

"Ne Shizuru, let's have brunch in the city before we go play paintball." Natsuki said with cute puppy eyes.

Shizuru relaxed a bit when she locked her gaze with the deep and soothing ocean of emerald. Without responding she touched the porcelain face and pulled the younger girl towards her and answered the question with a fierce kiss instead.

"I love you, Natsuki..." She inhaled. "You know that, right?"

"I think by now, I finally got it. So, yes." Natsuki playfully winked at her.

Shizuru sighed. "Alright, let's go and have breakfast then."

A hearty breakfast later the fresh couple had gathered in the Game Center along with the rest of the band.

"Alright, HiME-Rangers! There is a time when every true hero has to face its fate. Today, is that day! The time has come to be brave, to be strong and to fight for those you love once more!"

"Midori, you're completely nuts." Mai said while holding her forehead in shame because everyone in the Center was looking at the group of girls thanks to Midori's powerful speech.

"No no, Mai, my dear little Fire-HiME, someone has to coordinate the two teams and as we all know, I am very capable of doing so." Midori said and flashed the embarrassed girl a smile.

"Wouldn't Shizuru be a better option then? I mean, she was the Kaichou after all. She should know about coordination. When I think back at the time when you were still working at 'Lindenbaum' though, coordination is a word that is far away from the truth."

"Ara, that's so kind of you Mai-san." Shizuru was smiling her usual smile before she continued. "I will leave everything to you then, Suzushiro-san."

"Yeah, yeah. Just go and drink some tea until I finish arraigning the two teams."

"It's 'arranging' Haruka-san." Yukino, as always, corrected her older friend.

"Fine. Then let me at least do the teaching of the rules. That's my profession after all." Midori claimed with a pouting face. "We will fight in two teams. Team Red and Team Blue. You will get protective clothes in the color equal to your team's name and of course, the paintballs will have that color too, so that if you take somebody down, it will be visible on the body with either blue or red paint. The battlefield is outdoors and the main goal is to eliminate the other team. If the Team Leader gets shot down the game is over. The team that loses has to buy a round this evening in the club. Any questions?" After a short pause Mikoto raised her hand.

"Yes, Mikoto."

"Where are the others?"

"Well, we wanted to do kind of girl-thing. So, I asked the others if it's okay to meet up later at the bar and Akira wanted to stay with Takumi since it's a girl-thing... for whatever that means... Miyu wouldn't let Alyssa play without being at her side, but we all know that we don't even have to start the game when Miyu is participating. So, there's only the ten of us." Midori explained.

Half an hour and a lot of discussions later, Haruka pinned a list on the board in the locker room.

Team Red:

_Fujino, Shizuru (Team Leader)_

_Kuga, Natsuki_

_Sugiura, Midori_

_Higurashi, Akane_

_Muhakata, Shiho_

Team Blue:

_Tokiha, Mai (Team Leader)_

_Minagi, Mikoto_

_Yuuki, Nao_

_Suzushiro, Haruka _

_Kikukawa, Yukino_

"Wait! Why am I not the team leader?" The red-haired girl said in total shock.

"That's simply because you would get shot down too easily, Midori." Shiho responded with a mischievous grin.

"What? You little brat!"

"Don't fight. We're on the same team after all." Akane tossed in.

"Right... Team Red..." A grumbling low voice complained and everyone started to look for the origin of it.

"What are you looking at? Why would I be in the red team? I hate red. I want blue!"

"Ara, Natsuki. Don't be so querulous. I am sure red will suit you just fine. You look breathtaking no matter what you wear." Shizuru gave the birthday-girl a quick peck and was able to tame her a bit with the compliment.

"Don't worry Kuga, you'll be all blue after I got your ass on the field." Hearing the sharp voice, Shizuru built herself up in front of Natsuki.

"First, you'd have to take down me then, Yuuki-san. And that didn't work very well the last time you've tried, if I remember correctly." Shizuru deadly voice cut the air and Nao took in a deep breath. She had to fight down the urge to just punch that arrogant girl in the face, but that wouldn't do any good.

_I'll have my chance today... You'll see. I will kick your ass and win this game for sure!_ "We'll see." Nao tried to sound as composed as possible, but Shizuru knew she had stroke a nerve.

"As you wish." The conversation had sent an icy breeze through the room and everyone stopped breathing for a few seconds.

"Okay, welcome to Alaska. Now, let's get this game going." Midori broke the uncomfortable silence and tried to ease the tension. "You two can settle this on the battlefield." She turned around to face the rest of the group. "Don't forget to keep your leaders clean, girls. Protect them as good as possible or else you will lose right away."

Natsuki was enviously looking at the blue protective uniforms of the other team when Shizuru whispered something into her ear.

"I didn't think you would be looking at other girls after last night... We should have better gone to the men's locker room if Natsuki is such a voyeur."

"Shizuru!" Natsuki screamed and her head went bright red.

"Oh my god, I don't even wanna imagine what Shizuru-san just told you." Mai said with a grin.

"Get a room!" It was low but audible, at least to Natsuki's ears. No one else seemed to mind the comment of the pink-haired girl in the corner though. Well, nobody except a very angry Kyoto-woman behind Natsuki, but as always, Shizuru's faced remained composed.

"Okay, Team Blue, let's meet in five minutes in the base to coordinate our winning strategy."

"Well spoken, Mai-san. Like a true leader." Haruka said with a battle-ready-glance in her eyes.

While the blue team was walking towards their base the others got together for a tactical talk.

"Okay, we have two options. We can go directly after Mai or we can try to simply erase every one of them." Natsuki said, sounding like a sergeant in war.

"Natsuki, that sounds so brutal. It's a game after all." Shizuru smiled at her lover.

"Yes, but she's right." Midori said with a slightly sarcastic undertone. "We have those two options. What do you think about it, leader?"

Shizuru took a minute to deliberate and came to the conclusion that an elimination game should be about elimination and not about too much tactical stuff. Plus, she had to settle something on the field and that would get more difficult if they would only aim for Mai.

"We go for the second option. Take down any of them that come across your way. We will win this match for sure." Shizuru flashed a confidently smile at her team.

"Alright, but we still need a tactic because we need front liners and back up to cover Shizuru." Natsuki tossed in.

"Ara, I suppose Natsuki sees herself as a front liner and not as a protector." She let out a fake sigh.

"Ummm... Well, if you want me by your side... I will protect you for sure. But you're right, I would love to be on the first attack-wave." Natsuki unintentionally made puppy eyes while stating the truth and Shizuru just couldn't say no to this.

"Don't worry, sweetheart. I am very capable of looking after myself. It's your birthday. Go out on the battlefield, have fun and play."

"Thank you." The ice princess was smiling like a little girl again and happily hugged Shizuru.

"I think you could need some help out there. I'm with you Natsuki." Midori pumped her fist.

"It's dangerous to be the vanguard, Midori."

"I know, but I love the thrill. I am an Aries after all. We're supposed to be that way."

"Okay, then you come with me. That would make Akane and Shiho back-up." Natsuki said and turned towards the other two girls. "Now, listen. It's your first priority to keep Shizuru safe. If she gets shot, we lose. It's your duty to prevent that from happening with everything you've got. Understood?"

"Yes, ma'am!" They both said in awe.

"Ara, I believe Natsuki would have been a better leader. But you couldn't stay calm in the back, could you?"

"Don't think so..." The raven-haired girl admitted and Shizuru smiled about the adorable sight.

"I believe everyone is satisfied. Should we go and kick some ass then?" The leader-for-one-day said full of enthusiasm.

"Huh, I didn't know that you're capable of using such words." Midori said a tad startled.

"Don't underestimate me." Shizuru winked and made a gesture to both front liners to go ahead.

In the other base, Team Blue was debating on how to approach the other team.

"Fine, we'll all go together. They probably don't expect us to do something like this. Maybe they will send a few people ahead and then, they'll have to face all of us at once."

"Sounds good to me." Nao said, very satisfied not to have a tactic at all. _That will allow me the freedom to do whatever I want. So, I will have my chance to get after Fujino._

"We will kick their butts for sure! Just you wait Fujino!" Haruka said with an evil grin.

"You'll never stop fighting with Shizuru-san, right?" The comment from Yukino startled Haruka a bit.

"Not until I win." The blonde said nonchalantly.

"This is going to take forever then..." Yukino mumbled, inaudible to the others.

A few minutes later Team Blue was ready and started to slowly move forward.

"Mikoto, it's okay if you go in a row with the others. You don't have to walk right in front of me and you have that edgy look again. It's a game, don't you forget this." Mai lectured the younger girl.

"Yes, but I won't let anyone come close to Mai, yup."

"Oh my... This is going to be fun. Alright! Everyone, watch out! We're entering enemy territory!"

The outland area was mainly woodland that offered many places to hide. The blue team, except for Mikoto, was accurately walking in a line, five pairs of eyes eagerly searching for any spot of red. They were all very quiet in the hopes of hearing some revealing noises, but there were none. What they didn't know was that a certain raven-haired girl was lying not far away from them, using a bush as her cover, watching their every move.

_Shit, they're too many. Damn, that Mai. Who would have thought that she would do something so stupid? We need to stay calm and attack them from the back as soon as they got past us and then... WTF?_

"FOR JUSTICE!"

_Midori! Don't!_

But it was too late. Midori, who had been lying on the other side, had already left her cover. Screaming like a maniac, she was running towards the other Team, while firing red paintballs all over the place. As expected, the other team reacted fast. They split the row and attacked Midori from two sides. Of course, she didn't have a chance and got shot down within a few seconds.

"Why... why me...?" Midori stammered, her body covert in blue paint.. She was lying on the ground and closed her eyes for a while to dramatize her fall.

"I'm sorry, Midori-chan. But you made it too easy for us." Mai grinned.

"Oh shut up, Mai! We'll kick your ass for sure! Just wait until Natsu... oh shit!"

"I see. So, Natsuki is close. Okay, everyone you've heard it. Keep your eyes open. She might be..."

Mai could hear the click of the paintball-gun behind her, but she wasn't able to turn around in time. She closed her eyes and awaited the impact of the ball somewhere on her body. But when the sound came, she couldn't feel a thing. She turned around and saw Mikoto standing in front of her, shielding her with her body. Haruka was the first to react and started to fire back at Natsuki, followed by Yukino and Nao. Natsuki reacted quickly and decided that now wasn't the right time to avenge her fallen friend. She couldn't take on all of them. She elegantly dodged the attacks and retreated into the woods.

_Dammit! That Midori, why would she do something so stupid? Anyway, I need to get out of here and think of something. I should have known that Mikoto would get in the way. The shot was perfect, but this little girl is still as fast as a cat. I should be glad I have at least shot her down. Teams are equal again!_

"Okay Team Blue, it's like I said. They've sent people to the frontline. That means there are only two of them left protecting Shizuru-san. We'll try to entice them away from her, so that somebody can take down their leader." Mai stated like a true leader.

"I will do it! I will face Fujino!" Nao said in a strong and confident tone.

"Are you sure?"

"Dead sure…"

"Okay, then we will try to scatter their back-up."

The group silently moved forward and even Haruka kept still for not blowing their position. Suddenly, they could see the rest of Team Red standing near some huge ginkgo trees. The position was strategically good, plus all of them were looking out for their enemies. Sadly though, they looked in the wrong direction. Mai gave quick orders to Yukino and Haruka for distracting Akane, who was watching Shizuru's left side, while Mai herself was moving to the right to have her match with Shiho. Nao was left behind for taking on Shizuru at right time.

_In a few moments it will just be the two of us and then we'll see..._ Nao thought.

The plan worked out well and the leader of Team Red was soon left all by herself. She was positioned behind some bushes when she heard a faint crack coming from her right side. Her crimson eyes were frantically searching for any sign of another intruder. When she turned around she could see a glimpse of a blue uniform and pink hair before she had to roll over to dodge the first shot. The ball missed the target at a hair's breadth and Shizuru used Nao's swearing-time to find a new cover. She didn't need to think twice before firing back as good as she could. After all, she was much more comfortable with swords. Her shots were good enough to at least trouble the young girl in front of her though. The last one almost got Nao, who decided to search a new cover first.

_Damn, that was close! I need to think of something... Yes, that'll work!_ Nao suddenly jumped out of her cover and started to make wild gestures while fearfully starring in a direction somewhere behind Shizuru and to underline her little dramatic act she started screaming.

"No, Natsuki! Don't! Watch out! That's dangerous!"Nao screamed hysterically.

Shizuru's eyes became wide and without a second thought she turned around. She couldn't see her lover anywhere, which worried her even more. The next thing she felt was a hard kick against her arm with the gun and wasn't able to keep her hold of it any longer. The force was so powerful that she fell hard on her back.

"Ouch! That hurt you bitch!" She screamed in affect.

"Fu fu, for the Kaichou to use such improper words. I am very irritated. Aren't you supposed to be some kind of role model? I don't think these words suit you at all." Nao said in a playful tone.

"Well, sometimes they are needed. Especially, if someone's using cheap tricks."

"That's very brave of you to talk like that in such an unfortunate situation. I've heard paintballs can hurt very much, depending on where they hit the target and I also believe that the closer you are, the more it is going to hurt. So, you better watch your tongue." Nao's eyes were cold, though a victorious smile crossed her face.

Shizuru's tore her eyes away for a short moment to check how far away her gun was lying but as soon as she did, Nao was moving forward. She positioned herself right over the lying form of Shizuru and put her left foot on the arm that was closest to the gun.

"Don't even think about it. This is my victory and I will enjoy it to the last. So, where do you want your first shot? Arm? Upper-leg? Or rather ribcage?"

Nao was now pointing at Shizuru's upper body with an evil grin. The crimson-eyed girl knew she couldn't do anything about it and although she was afraid of the pain, she would not give Nao the pleasure to show any of it. She just looked straight into the lime green eyes without a hint of fear. The effect was quite visible on the younger girls face.

"Eat this!" Nao said angrily.

Right in the moment when Nao was about to pull the trigger, she was thrown back by an unknown force. She stumbled a few steps backward before she found her balance again. Shizuru was still lying in the same position. Her brain didn't seem to be able to make a connection to what had just happened, until a slender figure came out of an ambush right behind her. The moment she saw the red clothes and the long black hair, a sharp pain shot through her chest.

Everything had happened so fast, that Nao was still standing there like an idiot. Natsuki had already moved to Shizuru's side to help her lover stand up. Only then, Nao began to realize.

"Natsuki..." She whispered in disbelief.

"At your service. You're out!" Natsuki said, still enjoying the game to the fullest. "Shizuru, let's go! We still need to take down Mai!"

"Thank you, Natsuki. You saved me." She passionately drew Natsuki in and gave her fierce kiss.

"Huh? What was that?" The younger girl was completely taken off-guard.

"A 'thank you' to my savior." Shizuru answered with a disarming smile.

"Oi, we don't have time for that right now!" And with that Natsuki was on her way to find the opposite leader. Of course, Shizuru didn't forget to give Nao a jubilant smile before she turned away to follow her lover.

Nao remained in her position like a statue, unable to realize what had just happened. Her chest was still burning like hell, although she wasn't sure if it was because of the hit. When she lowered her head she could see the red liquid on the left side of her chest slowly throbbing down to earth...

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**A/N:** Ahh, the paintball-chapter...finally it's done. Wow, that took me awhile. It's the longest chapter so far but it was worth it. I am very pleased with it and I hope you've enjoyed it too. I am always glad about reviews. The next chapter is going to be very...mh, let's say intense.


	11. Aftermaths

_**"It's hard to pretend you love someone when you don't. But it's harder to pretend you don't love someone when you really do. "**_

******Disclaimer: Mai HiME belongs to Sunrise.**

* * *

**Chapter 10 - Aftermaths**

The match earlier had ended in an odd way. Mai had managed to take down Shizuru with a shot in the back, when the Kyoto-girl was trying to distract Natsuki in a very 'subtle' way. Everyone besides Midori and Natsuki seemed to be okay with the result though. After all it was just a game.

"Oh come on Midori, cheer up. It was a game and your team fought well." Mai said to the very sulky looking Midori.

"Mai, it's not about the game. It's about the price. I could have had beer for free, and now, I have to pay for others." She said before dramatically sighing.

"Well, the whole team has to. I am quite sure that Natsuki will pay for it anyway since it's her birthday. She mentioned something like this earlier."

The red-haired girl tried to cheer her alcohol-loving friend up as best as she could, but words weren't beer after all.

The mood was cheerful, while the party round was sitting in the same spot like last time. Natsuki looked strangely happy, which was a rare sight and the others were still talking about the paintball match. Haruka couldn't stop discussing whether they should do a rematch or find something new, where she could try to outdo Shizuru on her own without the help of Mai. The part of the group that had missed out on this afternoon entered the club just before Natsuki stood up to announce that the first round was on her. For Midori, this little information saved the evening. Unlike the last time, Nao was not the star on stage but rather the quietest person in the whole bar. She was sitting in the corner of the couch, not looking at any of them and completely lost in thoughts. Natsuki had noticed the strange behavior but wasn't sure what to think of it.

_What's up with her? Did something happen? Maybe I should go over and simply ask her. I mean the last time we talked was okay. The guitar lesson went well. Perhaps it's because she doesn't like losing... or is it because of me...? She didn't wish me a happy birthday despite all others congratulating me. Not that I care about such nonsense. But still, I have the feeling that I am the one to blame._

"What troubles my dear Natsuki?" Shizuru was softly stroking Natsuki's cheekbone, while speaking the words.

"How do you know I am troubled?" The younger girl asked in surprise.

"I wanted to tell you for a long time..." She made a dramatic pause. "I am actually a mind reader... meaning I have read all of your perverted thoughts last night and I am afraid I cannot take it. Sometimes it's so overwhelming..."

"Shizuru, don't make fun of me all the time." Natsuki stopped her hand and made clear that it was something serious.

"I'm sorry, sweetheart. I just wanted to cheer you up. To be honest, every time something troublesome is on your mind you get little wrinkles on your forehead."

"What?" The girl eagerly palpated her forehead.

"Don't worry, they look cute." Shizuru said with her perfect smile.

"Everything I do or have is cute too you..." Natsuk said in a tensed voice.

"Hey, what's with that attitude? Did I do something wrong? I can't help it. I adore you and I just think you're cute. I am sorry if it bothers you." The mood suddenly changed with the seriousness of the crimson-eyed woman.

"It doesn't. I am sorry. I am just... I don't know." She took a deep breath before continuing. "Something seems to be wrong with Nao and I am worried that I am the reason."

Shizuru's face became a bit paler. _Natsuki... why would you worry so much about her…_

"Well..." Shizuru started, trying hard to swallow the swelling jealousy. "Do you have the feeling, you did something wrong?"

"I don't know."

"Then I am sure it's not your fault. Maybe she's just in a bad mood. This is your day and you should enjoy it. And if she's a good friend, she'll not ruin it with her mood. So, have a sip of your beer and have fun with your friends. They're plenty of joyful people here, only to celebrate your birthday with you."

"Mh... I guess you're right." Natsuki turned away from the lonely girl in the corner and indulged a huge amount of beer. Shizuru on the other hand, tried to ignore the fact that her lover seemed to care a lot about the pink-haired girl, but her mind just wouldn't let go of this nasty jealousy.

As time went by the alcohol slowly showed its evil side for some of the party guest. Midori was shouting louder than the musicians on stage, but nobody was able to understand a word. The band was about to play their last song and every one of the group knew that it was time to present Natsuki her special birthday present.

After the band left the stage, Mai, Yukino and a not so sober Midori jumped up. Natsuki first didn't take notice, but when the girls got over to Nao and started talking to her, she became suspicious. From her position, she wasn't able to understand what the conversation was about, but it looked more like an argument than a nice talk. After a few minutes they dragged Nao along and Natsuki lost sight of them in the masses. From this moment on everything went very fast. She suddenly heard the voice of Mai coming from everywhere. At least she thought iwas everywhere. It took some time before her brain made the connection that it was actually coming over the boxes.

"Hello guys, we're 'The HiMEsicians' and we would like to open tonight's jam session. We practiced a cover version of 'Happy Birthday' as a special gift for our beloved friend Natsuki, who's turning 18 today. But first, I wanna introduce the band. On the drums: Sugiura 'The Booze' Midori! On the bass-guitar: Kikukawa 'Fret-killer' Yukino! And on the Lead Guitar Yuuki 'Goddess of Strings' Nao! I am Tokiha 'The Voice' Mai... " The audience burst out in laughter, but applauded the girls for their guts.

"Okay girls, let's rock!" Mai screamed and there they went.

Natsuki wasn't sure if the song (if you could call it that) had anything to do with the original version of 'Happy Birthday', but she was overwhelmed. Overwhelmed by having these amazing friends. Her eyes were shining just because she knew that somebody had put so much effort in thinking of such a birthday present. This day was unbeatable.

_This is perfect. I can't remember having such a great day in... I think ever... Today nothing's gonna ruin my mood. Oh my god, what is Midori doing to that snare... Mai's voice truly sounds great. Maybe she should aim for joining a real band. _

Her eyes slowly wandered to the guitar player on the right of the stage.

_Although Nao is fabulous as ever on the guitar, something is missing... She doesn't shine today. There's still that empty glance in her eyes. She strikes every note, but they sound dull and without passion... Right, that's the missing piece... She's playing without passion. Maybe, Mai forced her into this... _

While everyone was looking at the stage the door of the bar swung slowly open and nobody seemed to take notice of the newly arrived guest. After standing there for a while to get a good overview of the bar and its guests, the brown-haired women started to walk over to the group of young people who were focusing the stage.

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**A/N:** Alright, something magical happened. I started writing this chapter and it didn't stop. It's still going on. I needed to split it into four chapters so far and it's still not done.


	12. Reunion

_**"Deceiving others. That is what the world calls a romance."**_

******Disclaimer: Sunrise owns Mai HiME.**

* * *

**Chapter 11 - Reunion**

"Hello Shizuru, so we meet again." A serious and deep voice said in a foreign language, knowing that the addressed girl was quite capable of understanding every word.

Shizuru however, was so shocked about the voice that she wasn't able to move a finger. Her body stiffened and for the first time it was absolutely impossible to maintain her composure. The panic was clearly written all over Shizuru's face. The group soon noticed the stranger standing next to their table. When Natsuki spotted the familiar face her jaw dropped.

"What the hell are you doing here?" She said almost growling and Sandra's gaze locked with hers.

"That's none of your business. I am talking to Shizuru. I don't need your consent." Sandra built herself up to appear even taller, while she answered in Japanese with a thick German accent.

Turning back to Shizuru, she started talking in the unknown language again. A huge tension was suddenly building up like a big bubble around the table. Unfortunately, neither Mai nor Nao were there to come to Natsuki's aid.

"Shizuru, I believe we have to talk some things over." Sandra said calmly.

Shizuru slowly came back to life, by starting breathing again.

"I don't think so." She replied to Sandra in perfect German.

"Alright, I've expected this kind of response. But I will say the things I have to, whether you want to hear them or not. It's up to you if I do it right here in front of your friends or if you're willing to talk to me at a less noisy place." She was looking at Natsuki again while saying the words. "I think I don't have to remind you, that I am very capable of speaking and understanding Japanese."

Natsuki looked at Shizuru, who was not able to hide the desperation in her eyes. Seeing her lover in such a condition again made the younger girl worry. She rose to her feet and built herself up in front of Shizuru to face Sandra.

"Listen, I don't know what you said to Shizuru, but I can see that it's nothing good. I have no idea why you are here, but I believe it's time for you to make your leave."

"Really, what are you? Some kind of knight or what?" Sandra replied cockily.

The raven-haired girl clenched her fists in anger. Shizuru put her hand on the younger girl's shoulder as if she wanted to hold her back.

"Natsuki..." Her voice was almost breaking. She sounded as if she was about to start crying in the next second. After catching her breath she went on. "It's okay. I will take care of this. Please, just stay here and enjoy your birthday present. You're friends are still up on stage playing for you." Shizuru now faced Sandra, her eyes filled up with hatred and distress, which had quite the effect on the German girl. Sandra wasn't looking so self-confident anymore, but still determined to talk this over.

"Fine. Let's go outside then and talk." The perfect German coming out of Shizuru's mouth was spoken with an ice-cold voice. Sandra, didn't reply to it and just turned around to go outside. The sight of those flaming eyes combined with the cold words creeped her out a bit. Nobody in the round dared to speak a word. The situation was completely odd, but looking at a very irritated Natsuki made clear that there are currently no questions allowed.

On the stage, the situation on the table caught the attention of Mai and Nao, who were exchanging a worried glance. Nao saw how Natsuki was left behind, while Shizuru walked away with a stranger.

_What's going on down there? Who is that brown-haired girl and why does Fujino leave with her? Don't tell me she brought one of her German victims here. That's what you get for being a whore... Poor Natsuki, she must be very troubled, but that's what she chose. She wanted this tea-sipping psycho after all. _As much as Nao tried not to bother about the situation, she couldn't tear her eyes away from the raven-haired beauty. She had seen this empty look on Natsuki's face before. She hated it to no end to see her in pain before they finished the song, Natsuki jumped up and went after the two girls that had left a few moments ago.

Outside of the bar, Shizuru and Sandra were standing under a lantern. The night air was still warm, which didn't seem to fit the mood at all.

"Okay, before you say anything or jump to conclusions and hate me for the rest of your life, let me tell you why I am here." Sandra started.

"Now, I am very curious what reason could possibly justify such an action." Shizuru said and instantly made clear that Sandra better had to come up with something good to get out of this alive somehow.

"First of all, I tried to talk to you on the phone like forever, but you wouldn't hear me out. I told you I have things to say. Okay, let me rephrase this. Basically, it's because that people like you have to learn that you can't treat others like shit. It's just not right. I thought a lot about you and the time we had. When I met you, I thought you were like all the others. I used to be a hunter myself. I never let anyone close, but with you it was different. It still is. I cannot explain, but it is as if you have bewitched me or something. You just ran away from everything we had, leaving me behind like your little whore and to top things off you treat me like one. I don't deserve to be hated by you so much. I deserve at least a bit respect and I cannot accept that you just blindly turn away from me, when we could be everything. I mean you and I, it's the perfect match. Why can't you see that? You're desperately clinging to this Natsuki-person just because you've never allowed your heart to look out for someone else. But here I am. Don't tell me I flew all these miles only for you to turn me down once again... I love you, Shizuru and trust me, that's something I don't say very often."

Shizuru wasn't able to look Sandra in the eyes. Her gaze was drifting off to the lights in the park.

"I am afraid to tell you that my answer is still, and will always be, no. I am sorry that you came all the way, but I didn't ask for it. Neither did I ask for your love..."

"No, you didn't ask!" Sandra interrupted her before she could go on. "You never do! You just take..." She said in a bitter voice that was almost breaking.

"I cannot give something, I don't have. My heart belongs to Natsuki. It always has. I would give my life for her and I am not trying to be mean. I am trying to be honest. I am not the person you're looking for. My place is right here by her side." Shizuru voice was cold and composed.

Sandra lowered her head as tears started softly rolling down her face. She didn't know if it was out of sorrow or anger, maybe a sick and painful mixture of both. When she lifted her head a bit, she could see the reason of her agony coming out of the bar. Her mind was captured in blind hatred right now. A bitter smile was crossing her face before she looked up completely to face Shizuru with her teary eyes.

"I understand... Then would you at least be so kind and allow me to ask one last thing of you..."

"Depends on the thing." Shizuru stated.

"Kiss me."

"No." The response was as fast and short as the asked favor.

"Only one last kiss and I'll be gone. Out of your life forever and you can live a happy life with your nice little girlfriend. It's my way to say goodbye and to put an end to this."

Shizuru took quite a while to deliberate her options. _I don't want to cheat on Natsuki... But having Sandra going back and leaving us alone finally sounds too good. I cannot take the risk that she is going to tell Natsuki anything about what happened back in Germany before I had the chance to. I wish I would have already told her... and now I'm stuck in this even deeper than before. Maybe this is not cheating at all... I do this for us. So that Natsuki and I can finally be happy without lies. But if I kiss her now, there will be another lie... No, that doesn't count. It's necessary to get rid of this problem for good. _

Natsuki, who was not able to hear the conversation, remained next to the door of the bar. It didn't look as if she had any intentions to come over and Shizuru couldn't see her silent observer while facing Sandra.

"Fine. One kiss and then you're gone." Shizuru said putting on her perfect mask again.

"If after that you still don't need me... yes." Sandra said grinning, well knowing that Natsuki would see the kiss. She slowly approached Shizuru. Natsuki, now, was on red alert. Her position slightly shifted and her body got tense with every inch that Sandra got closer to the crimson-eyed woman.

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**A/N:** Shorter chapters - sooner updates. Okay, mainly this is so fast because it has already been written. The fateful Chapters 12 and 13 are coming closer. I hope all of you are prepared. Well, it's still not the end but kind of a catharsis. I hope you liked this one too. I personally haven fallen in love with the next two chapters. They will be up soon.


	13. Kiss

_**"Never say goodbye when you still want to try. Never give up when you feel you can still take it. Never say you don't love that person anymore when you can't let go. "**_

**Disclaimer:** **Mai HiME belongs to Sunrise.**

* * *

**Chapter 12 - Kiss**

The brown-haired woman encircled Shizuru's waist and passionately drew her in for the kiss. Although Shizuru didn't return the embrace, she wasn't struggling at all.

Natsuki stiffened when her brain realized that this was really happening. She couldn't believe her eyes. _Why Shizuru…why…don't you tear yourself way…have you been lying to me all this time…_

But Shizuru wasn't about to free herself. She was still not returning the embrace, but the kiss instead.

_This is too much…_ Not able to look at the sight in front of her any longer, Natsuki shut her eyes and was about to run off when the door next to her swung open with a loud bang.

Nao was standing in the door frame, not really comprehending the situation at first glance. Her eyes wandered to Natsuki, before she visualized all of her surroundings. The raven-haired girl was holding her guts as if she was in pain. She gave Nao just a short look, but this one moment was enough to break all the boundaries in Nao's heart. Looking into Natsuki's tear-filled eyes made her own heart ache. She knew that something terrible must have happened because she'd never seen the older girl in such pain before. Not even when she had captured her during the carnival. Her eyes immediately wandered to the obvious cause of the problem. She was quick enough to get a glimpse of the ongoing drama. She could see the last movements of what must have been a kiss between Shizuru and the stranger because the foreign girl was still holding a very irritated Shizuru in her arms. _I must have interrupted a romantic intermezzo when I bashed through the door._

Shizuru had turned around in shock when she noticed that they weren't alone. But this time Nao wasn't the last person on earth she wanted to see. It was Natsuki. _Natsuki... Since when have you been watching... You weren't supposed to see this... Oh my god... it's over... everything's over... What have I done...? _Shizuru wasn't able to think anymore. Her mind was spinning. She knew that feeling and she was afraid to go back to that state again. She had to control her nerves, but her heart was crying out in pain."Natsuki, please. It's not what you think... I can expl..."

"SHUT UP! I DON'T WANNA HEAR ANY OF IT!" Natsuki's voice cracked under her tears. She gave Shizuru a last devastating glance before she started to run off into the direction of the park, quickly disappearing in the dark. Shizuru wanted to go after her in an instant, but Sandra held her back.

"Let me go!" Hearing the usually composed girl scream like this was something, she had never experienced before.

"Stop it! Now's not the right time. She needs to calm down first." Sandra did her best to fight down the freeing attempts of Shizuru. She had to prevent the troubled girl from humiliating herself any further.

Nao, who had been standing by the door, was walking into their direction. She knew that she couldn't just let the girl, who had captured her thoughts for so long, all by herself now. She had to be by Natsuki's side, no matter how much it would hurt her.

"You better listen to your 'whatever-she-is-to-you', Fujino! This time it's not for you to go after her. You better stay the fuck away from her or else I'll personally kick your butt back to Germany!"

"I would like that." Sandra said with a grin.

"Oh shut up! Nobody's talking to you! Who the fuck are you anyway to come here and destroy the life of a girl you barely know in one stroke?" Nao was so angry that she had to gasp for air. "Geez, Fujino! I can't believe how awful you really are! Cheating on her on her birthday. I always thought you were only fooling around with anyone, but at least with Natsuki, I had put some faith in you. It shows that you really are the worst though!" With one last disgusted look, Nao started to run after Natsuki.

During the argument, Mai had followed Nao outside. She hurried to get to Shizuru's side, who was about to have a mental breakdown. The Kyoto girl had sunk down to her knees, when Mai arrived. Her eyes were empty and she couldn't even cry.

"Shizuru-san... I think it's better if we take you home."

"No... Natsuki..." It was as if the chestnut-haired girl was whispering only to herself.

Mai exchanged a worried look with the stranger. "Who are you?"

"My name is Sandra. I was Shizuru's roommate and 'friend' in Germany." The connotation of the word friend made clear what was going on and Mai didn't know how to cope with the situation right now. The only thing she knew was that Shizuru was in a bad condition and that they had to get her out of here.

"Okay listen, Shizuru-san, I'll get Tate and we'll take you home. Don't worry about Natsuki. We'll take care of everything. I'm sure she's just upset and everything will be alright. You know her, she's stubborn. Give her some time."

"No... I have to be by her side... I destroyed everything... everything... again."

Sandra slowly noticed what damage she had done. Seeing Shizuru in such a condition made her feel awful. She couldn't let the girl of her dreams alone right now. Who knows what she would do.

"I'll go with her. I believe it's better if someone has an eye on her." Sandra said to Mai in broken Japanese.

"I don't know if this is the best idea." Mai stated with a puzzled gaze.

"I know, I am the cause for the trouble but believe me, this is not the first time that I see Shizuru freak out over this Natsuki-person. I lived with her for quite a while. I'm just worried about her and don't want her to be alone in such a bad condition. I mean, look at her. She's on the edge of a nervous breakdown." Sandra stated matter-of-factly.

Mai thought about the options and decided that it would not be too bad to have someone look after Shizuru.

"Alright, I'll go inside and get my boyfriend then."

"Okay." Sandra looked down on Shizuru before she kneeled beside her. "Shizuru, I'm sorry."

But the chestnut-haired girl didn't respond anymore. She was completely spaced out and almost catatonic. Her mind held every thought of her as a prisoner behind sealed lips.

_This is the end... I've ruined everything I've ever wanted... It's all my fault... again._

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**A/N:** Alright guys, I am actually impressed. I wouldn't have thought that I would have to update so soon. But you made it. I know most of the ShizNat Fanbase is so biased that they aren't giving any other story a chance. I feel quite comfortable sitting between the chairs of ShizNation and NatNaoism though =)


	14. What counts

_**"When it's clear that you don't feel the same way for me... the problem is that as much as I can't force you to love me, I can't force myself to stop loving you."**_

**Disclaimer: I guess Sunrise already knows it but yes Mai HiME is property of Sunrise.**

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**Chapter 13 - What counts**

The area of the park where Natsuki had headed was dimly lit. She didn't know where to go, but she felt that somewhere between the shadows would be the right place for her to stay. She slowly came to a stop near a little pond under a birch tree and sat down. After a few seconds of trying to catch her breath she embraced herself and buried her head in her arms, unable to stop the tears from coming out. The sobs were loud enough to lead Nao, who had been searching for a while to the hiding place. Unsure of how to approach the devastated girl, Nao tried to be as quiet as possible. The crying girl didn't hear her friend coming closer through her sobbing. When she suddenly felt a hand on her back she whipped around and slapped it quickly away. She didn't even look who the intruder was, when she started screaming.

"No! Leave me alone!" Her eyes were closed and the tears were still running and so, without thinking, Nao acted purely on her emotions. She brought herself closer to take the crying girl in her arms. "NO! GO AWAY! LEAVE ME ALONE! ALL OF YOU! I DON'T WA..." Natsuki was struggling hard against the movement.

"NATSUKI! Please, look at me!" Nao screamed back, but Natsuki eyes were still closed while she shook her head like a manic. Nao softly shook her back and forth to make her at least open her eyes and after a few moments it seemed to work. Watery green eyes gave her a puzzled, yet relieved look. The moment seemed to freeze and only the sobs broke the silence.

"Hush... I am here. It's going to be okay. I promise." Nao said, not knowing what else to say. She never was in a similar situation before and so she did what felt right to her. It was almost natural to embrace the older girl again. This time, Natsuki wasn't fighting back but burying her head in the younger girl's neck instead. Soon, Nao could feel how her shirt was getting soaked by tears.

After a while, Natsuki eventually stopped crying and regained her usual quietness. Both girls were now leaning against the tree, watching the blurred reflection of the stars in the pond. They were used to sit in a comfortable silence, so no one bothered to speak for quite a while. Natsuki was the one to voice some of her thoughts after a while.

"Ne, Nao..." Nao turned her head towards Natsuki as a silent indicator that she was listening. Natsuki on the opposite was gazing at the sky.

"...this can't be real, right?" The usual strong and husky voice sounded so vulnerable and low that Nao almost melted by just listening to her words. She wished so badly for the privilege to be the one that could make the pain go away, but deep in her heart she knew she wasn't. She knew that Natsuki was hurting over somebody else. Even if her heart would cry out loud, those emerald eyes would never linger upon her. _Why? Why did you have to fall for this psychotic stalker...? I would have never done such a thing to you... I would cherish every second instead of toying with your feelings. If I could just make it go away... I would do anything... It's so hard to fight the urge to hold you close again... to resist the temptation of kissing your pain away... But it wouldn't, right? It would take nothing away than your trust and I don't want that. After all, you've been betrayed again by a human being. You probably don't know how to face the world now. Neither do I... _Nao struggled hard to repress her own heartache and tried to comfort Natsuki as good as she could.

"Maybe it isn't real..." She said deliberately.

"Believe me, it is. I saw every bit of it..." Natsuki smiled a bitter smile and went on. "I'm a real idiot... I've made such a mistake..."

"Don't blame yourself. You didn't do anything wrong."

"Believe me, I did."

"And what would that be..." Nao gave her a puzzled look.

Natsuki lowered her head and closed her eyes before saying the next words out loud.

"Last night... when we had that special date to celebrate my birthday, I slept with Shizuru. It felt so right and today everything comes crashing down." Natsuki explained with a bitter smile.

Nao couldn't help but gasp by hearing the news. Suddenly, the bruise on her chest started to ache again. _Crashing down... Exactly the words running through my head right now. This stupid Fujino, how could she take something like this away from you, while having another story going on. You'd be better off without her! _

Natsuki, who noticed the change of mood, interrupted her train of thoughts.

"I know it was stupid, but I cannot change it. Unfortunately..." She sighed. "It just happened. I am not very proud of it myself after tonight."

Nao was shattered about the news that the girl she'd fallen for so badly had lost her innocence to this faker, but she knew that she couldn't do anything about it. Of course, the thought that it should have been her instead was on her mind, but she would never voice something like that. So, she decided to make Natsuki feel better with a slight change of topic.

"You know, I would have never thought that I would run into a dark corner of a park at night again. But I did... Maybe this is not real at all. Maybe right now, it's another universe where none of it had happened. Where I would not be stained with filth from this fuckhead's body... and where this stupid Fujino would not have laid hands on you..."

"Wait... does this mean, that he really...? I mean…" Natsuki took a second to clear her thoughts. "You remember... I see... it was really that bad after all..." She stammered.

"It doesn't matter right now. With you I feel safe being here in that place at night." She warmly smiled at Natsuki, who was smiling back. Natsuki seemed to know that Nao didn't want to talk about it while they were still sitting in such a location.

"Yeah, I guess currently I would rip apart anyone who would come too close." She stated simply.

"Well, that's good to know. But really now, what if this is not real? What if all of this didn't happen?"

"It did happen... This is not a dream, Nao..." Natsuki replied sadly.

"Then let's make it one."

"Huh?" Natsuki gave her an incredulous look.

"Yes, yes. I mean it. Let's make this a dream."

"I have no idea what you're talking about." Now looking at Nao as if she were nuts.

"Don't give me that look. I know you remember the string theory. Perhaps we just have to believe in another universe and then, we automatically can influence what's real and what's not." Nao explained.

"You're absolutely crazy."

"Yes, but in a good way for a change." She winked at the older girl, who was able to laugh about the comment for a slight second. "Now listen, before you put me into a nuthouse." She made a little pause. "We're both pretty fucked up, right?"

"Well, that's obvious." Natsuki shrugged.

"And we both want to erase what happened, right?"

"Right, but I don't see where this is going and I..."

"Shhh, shhh, shh. I am not finished yet." Nao softly placed her finger over Natsuki's mouth, who was startled by the contact. Nao noticed the anxiety and gave her older friend a reassuring look. "Hey, don't worry. I know you've lost all your trust in humans again but believe me, I won't hurt you."

Hearing Nao talk so openly made Natsuki relax a bit.

"So, if there would be a chance to escape this torture for just a few moments, would you take the chance?" Nao finally asked.

"What are you? Some kind of witch that offers me three wishes now?"

"Maybe... No silly, I am talking about make-believe."

"Make-believe?"

"Yes. We lie back, close our eyes and start to talk, hopefully dreaming us far away into a perfect world, or at least in a world other than that. My mother often used to do that when I was little and still afraid of the dark. Well and somehow, I feel like being little again, given that I am recently afraid of the dark."

"Weird. But, why not? It's not that I have a better idea. Escaping the pain for even a few seconds sounds good enough to me." Natsuki said.

The girls lay down next to each other on the grass, wrapped in a comfortable silence again. Both facing the sky and deeply inhaling the fresh night air. After watching the stars for a few more minutes, Nao eventually started to speak.

"Now, close your eyes and think of something in your past that fills you with happiness."

"I don't think there is any..." Natsuki intervented.

"Close your eyes and try before you give up." Nao raised her upper-body a bit to have a look at Natsuki's face, supporting her weight with her elbows. Not wanting to be watched any longer Natsuki closed her eyes.

"You only have to search hard enough. There sure are positive things." Nao didn't let the older girl of the hook so easily and remained in the observation posture. The sight of the raven-haired beauty lying on the grass with closed eyes, covered by the stars, let her heart beat faster. She knew that seeing Natsuki in such a vulnerable state was a rare sight, which made it even harder to control her thoughts and actions. Her hand seemed to move by itself and was about to touch Natsuki's face, when she suddenly started speaking.

"I guess I was often happy when I walked with Duran through the cool night air, looking for some Orphans to fight. I liked being strong and independent, relying only on myself."

Nao immediately drew her hand back before she whispered: "Good... go on..."

"I liked watching my mother work while I was waiting for her. I always admired what she did even though I had no idea what it was." A short smile crossed her face.

"See, even without involving Fujino there are good things left..."

When Nao mentioned Shizuru, Natsuki's expression became tense again and she could feel that the girl lying next to her was about to open her eyes.

"Wait, don't give up now. Keep your eyes closed and allow yourself to dream a bit longer. The pain will always be here waiting for you." _Just like me... _

"Okay..." She paused for a while before she spoke again. "Playing guitar makes me feel great. Even though I am bad at it, I love the sound of it. I also love hearing you play... as long as you play with passion. I noticed that today was different from last time."

Nao was stunned by the words and her cheeks became slightly red. She didn't know what to say. The missing response eventually made Natsuki open her eyes. She was met by two lime green orbs looking straight into hers. Oddly enough, she didn't feel uneasy at all. Nao, on the opposite, had a hard time restraining herself.

"What about you? Didn't you say we would both do this little make-believe-thing? It's your turn." Natsuki said expectantly.

"Okay, I think that's only fair... Are you ready?" Nao asked.

"Ready? I've just finished? I thought I said it's your turn."

"It is. You took me to your dream world, now let me take you to mine." She made a short pause. "Close your eyes."

"Again? Why?" Natsuki furrowed her brow.

"This might be the wrong question after such an evening but... do you trust me?"

Natsuki had to search herself for quite a while for answering the question. "I... I think... Yes, I do." She eventually answered.

"Alright, then close your eyes and keep them closed until I say something else."

Natsuki was still a bit unsure if she should do so.

"Don't worry. I'll close mine too..." Nao gave her a shy smile and Natsuki slowly closed her eyes again. Her lips slightly were slightly parted and her eyes still swollen. _She looks fragile. So very fragile… _Nao thought, when she slowly started to bring herself closer. She hesitantly reached out for Natsuki's face again. _Just this one time... This is my dream after all... You won't hate me for this, right? It's only a dream... My heart beats so fast, I fear if I repress everything any longer it might shatter... _

The moment her fingertips met the soft cheek of Natsuki stiffened.

"Shh, trust me... don't open your eyes. I won't hurt you. I promise... Let me take you to my world just for once."

Natsuki hushed a shy okay and kept her eyes shut tight. She didn't even shrug when Nao started to stroke along her cheekbone. Her mind was completely blown away by the oddness of the situation. Time seemed to move in slow-motion. Nao's body was acting automatically. It felt as if somebody pulled invisible strings. Her mouth was magnetically drawn to Natsuki's. No matter how much her head screamed for her to stop, her heart wouldn't allow her to restrain herself any longer. Their lips made a slight contact, which triggered her to stop for a second.

Natsuki could feel the warmth of Nao's body above her. She could smell the sweet breath upon her lips. But as much as she tried to, she couldn't move. Her muscles simply didn't obey. _What the hell is going on here? Why can't I move? She can't possibly... Oh shit, this can't be happening... Damn, this is going to hurt... Why is my heart beating so fast...? _

Nao could feel how the chest of Natsuki was waving heavily. She couldn't help but being extremely turned on by the reaction of the girl beneath her. Never had she experienced such an intense feeling before. Her primal instincts were about to kiss her sanity goodbye. There was no turning back now and both of them slowly started to recognize that irritating fact. All of their surroundings seemed to fade and the scenario was becoming more absurd with every second their bodies remained in this tempting position. A strong breeze finally gave Nao invisible wings for closing the last distance between reality and dream. Her entire emotions captured in this one kiss, floating directly into Natsuki's mind.

Barely able to cope with all of this, Natsuki had to gasp for air. She hectically broke the kiss. Only for a slight second though. Nao opened her eyes just enough to see that Natsuki was looking at her with a shocked and puzzled face. _Shit! What am I doing here? I shouldn't have forced her into this. I am not better than this damn Fujino... Natsuki, I am sorry..._ Her mind was slowly drifting back into reality and the more she entered, the more she wished to fall back into this dream world. Being so close made her realize how far away she actually was from her object of affection.

Still unable to move, Natsuki's brain tried to work again. Something seemed to jam the connections of her synapses though. She couldn't say what it was in particular. All she knew was that she couldn't tear herself away from the younger girl. Feeling their bodies so close was strangely exciting and that fact scared her to no end. Being lost to her instincts, she encircled the waist of Nao, who was just about to turn away. She could see the baffled look in the lime green eyes. Still, none of them bothered to speak a word, when Natsuki was the one to initiate the kiss this time. She was scared of her own behavior since listening to her 'Id' instead of her 'Alter Ego' was something new to her. Yet, she couldn't help but keep kissing the suddenly so fragile girl. _What the hell am I doing here…? I need to stop, now! Dammit, I can't... This is mind-blowing... Wait... What am I thinking...? This has to end... But it feels so… mhhhh... good... _A low moan escaped her mouth when Nao's right hand started to wander along her ribcage. The tension was soon building up to an unbearable state. Both were unable to break the kiss. Either out of fear to come to their sense or out of pure emotions. Something seemed to tie their bodies together and their movements soon became more passionate. Feeling the fingers of the younger girl tracing along the form of her breasts was like a call for her sanity to come back. Her nerves went on alert and she knew she had to stop this before it got completely out of hand. She couldn't do this. Not here, not now, not after what had happened before. She was afraid to stop, afraid of the oddness afterwards, but there was simply no way around it. To her relief it was Nao who broke the kiss this time. They younger girl had sensed the change of mood and didn't want to make Natsuki feel more uneasy.

Nao already hated herself for her foolishness and to take advantage of a short moment of insanity wasn't something she wanted to do any slowly drew her lips away from the soft counterpart, leaving back the sweet taste of sensation. Their gazes locked once more before the magic of this moment was over. Nobody dared to speak a word. She couldn't bear the sight of the beauty in front of her anymore. She felt the urge to tear herself away from this._ So close and yet so far… I can't take this any longer… Oh god, I wished the ground would open and swallow me up. _Closing her eyes in pain she freed Natsuki from her weight. The raven-haired girl inhaled deeply as if she had experienced a massive lack of oxygen._ You're free again... _She felt horrible. She couldn't explain why this lay so heavy on her heart, but she feared that she had destroyed every last bit of trust within her friend. She sat there with her eyes shut tight, waiting for the impact of a hard punch or word. But nothing happened. She blinked once and saw that Natsuki had risen to a sitting position, her gaze still lingering upon her.

"Natsuki, I am so sorry. You have to believe me. I didn't do it on purpose. It just happened. I... I don't know. Please, don't hate me for it... I didn't mean to abuse your trust. I will stay away from you of course." The words started to burst out of Nao's mouth without thinking.

"No." The word just blurted out of Natsuki. Both of them still seemed to be captured in the world of 'rather-doing-than-thinking', without giving their words a second thought. Maybe not even a first. "I mean, don't stay away... It was not only your fault. It was mine too."

"So, it was a fault after all..." Nao whispered to herself. Natsuki, of course could hear it too.

"That's not what I meant... " Natsuki said and made a short pause. "I mean, I have no idea what that was. What was it?" She gave Nao a puzzled look.

"I..." Nao stopped herself from babbling on without using her brain and took a moment to sort out her thoughts. "Natsuki, for me, this wasn't a fault at all. It was what I said. It was a dream. You have to believe me that I never wanted to force any of this on you." The next words she didn't dare to say out loud. _My perfect world, which I accidentally shared with you... which I would now prefer to live in after I've been there with you... I love you... God, this feels like dying... How can something like that hurt so damn much..?. _

"Stop apologizing. This whole evening was completely unbelievable and I don't think that I am ever going to celebrate my birthday again... I mean I am berating Shizuru over what she did and now look at me... What I've done? I mean we're friends. How could something like this happen?"

"Probably because I wanted it to happen." After hearing these words, Natsuki looked at Nao in shock. The younger girl decided that it was better soon change the topic fast. "What are you going to do now?"

"I guess Shizuru and I need to talk. I can't run away from this forever. Sooner or later I will have to face her. She's my girlfriend after all."

"So, it didn't change anything..." Nao mumbled.

"What?"

"Nothing... forget about it." She said bitterly.

"I don't get you girls at all! What am I supposed to do?" Natsuki asked bluntly.

"How the fuck would I know? I've never felt anything like that before. The only thing I know is that you drive me crazy and seeing you suffer because of that damn psycho makes fucking angry. There are other ways!"

"And what would that be for instance?"

"Stay with me tonight..." Nao whispered, while searching Natsuki's eyes.

"I can't. Not after what happened. I am with Shizuru still. She suffered so much for my sake that I can't just run away and turn my back on her without hearing her out. Maybe there is an explanation and now, I have to tell her an unpleasant truth myself."

"I see... My deepest apologies for dragging you into such an 'unpleasant' situation. I wish you the best of luck with your Kaichou. It will probably work out well. At least you don't have to pretend that this evening was a dream, now that the two of you are even."

"Yes but nothing to be proud of though." Natsuki stated, not knowing what else to say.

"Glad to be of service..." Nao said, her voice full of sarcasm that Natsuki didn't seem to get.

"This means back to reality, huh?"

"You know... Reality is just not big enough..." _For you and me... _

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**A/N:** Okay, a promise is a promise and I like to keep mine. So, here is the final Chapter of the monster-chapter 10. Now, I have to go and write new stuff for Chapter 14. Meaning the next Chapter will not be up so shortly like the last one. I wanted to say thank you to all of the speed-reviewers and I was very happy to get reviews from people who never reviewed before. I am hoping to hit the 100 review-mark with this life-altering^^ chapter 13_. _I can understand that many of you are cheering for Shiznat and that you feel with Shizuru, but, she is not free of guilt and I believe everyone is suffering in this story. Love is about misfortune and misunderstandings and love is unfair. I guess drama is more of a synonym for love than a word on its own. Love is neither good or bad. It just is. It's the people who give the connotation to it and this story is not meant to be a typical ShizNat happy-ending love story. It's drama ;-) I love you guys still for continue reading this fic.


	15. Truth be told

_**"There is no greater sorrow than to recall in misery the time when we were happy."**_

**Disclaimer: Mai HiME and Sunrise, yes they belong together.**

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**Chapter 14 - Truth be told**

The dorms were lonely and abandoned at the weekends and Nao seemed to be the only one left behind. It's a Saturday night after all. Who would want to spend it alone at the dorms? Maybe it was wrong to let her go... Maybe I should have told her... But it wouldn't change a thing, right? I mean the kiss was overwhelming, but still, it didn't change a thing. Why does this stupid Fujino have such power over her? And why on earth did they end up in bed...? They're probably having a big reunion right now and I am the one to blame. I shouldn't have advised Natsuki to blame it on me. The tea-freak will believe this without a doubt. Oh no… What if she wants Natsuki to stay away from me...? Suddenly, Nao's head felt light and her hands started to shake. She knew the feeling very well and before she could do anything the panic was about to make its way through her body. Ever since the night in the park, she got these anxious attacks from time to time. Her breathing became heavy and she felt like suffocating. She knew that she could say good-bye to her sleep for tonight since these attacks normally wouldn't leave her side throughout the entire night. Alright, calm down girl... it's going to be alright... Breathe in, breathe out, breathe in, breathe out... After a few minutes the sweating stopped and her lunges started to work normal again. Good god! Is this ever going to stop? These things starting to drive me go nuts. I am not sure if I am able to endure this shit much longer... I have to make a decision. I only have two options: I could either sit this out and wait for these stupid feelings to eventually disappear or... Or I give it a try and tell her... BUT this holds a huge risk. It's like putting my sanity on the line. No wonder Fujino is psychotic, being forced to live with this crazy feeling over such a long period. What if Natsuki doesn't want me? What if there is no hope? I don't think I could handle being so close to her any longer. At least not now... Maybe someday in the future, but for now, this would be unbearable. Alright, I already know that I have no option. I need to give it a try sooner or later and if it doesn't work out well, I'll make it easy for both of us. But not right away. For now, I'll just wait if she's going to show up on our next guitar lesson. I bet she has enough to worry about. Her thoughts are surely pretty occupied with the Kyoto-witch...

The wind was stroking softly through the black strands of Natsuki's hair when she walked along the illuminated street towards her apartment. Her fingertips were tracing along the lines of her lips while she was completely lost in thoughts. That kiss... What was it? My lips still feel hot... probably burning with guilt... But it didn't feel wrong at all... Isn't it supposed to feel wrong? For whatever that was, I need to talk to Shizuru... But not now! That was enough confusion for one night. Who would have thought that I would spend the night of my birthday alone? It doesn't matter anyway. I guess it would have been more of a surprise if I weren't alone. At least it feels more familiar this way... I bet Shizuru isn't alone at all... Maybe I should have stayed over at Nao's...

A few miles down the road beyond an ancient looking black fence, an old building stood solemnly in front of a little forest. It was more of a mansion than a house. Dim light shone through one of its windows on the second floor. The walls of the room were painted in light lavender. On the neatly made bed, Shizuru was sitting upright with her gaze lost in neverland. She didn't even take notice when the door opened and a voice started to talk to her.

"Hey dear, Sandra-san told me you had a fight with Kuga-san. Don't worry, it's going to be okay. Tomorrow, the sun will rise again. So, please go and try to sleep for a bit now."

Why can't she stop calling Natsuki by her last name? She's already on better terms with Sandra it seems, after knowing her for just a several minutes... Shizuru looked at her mother with an empty expression.

"Yes. Thank you."

"Good night, darling. Oh and of course, I offered Sandra a room during her stay in Fuuka. She was your roommate in Germany and it wouldn't be nice to have her stay in a hotel."

Shizuru's eyes came to life in panic.

"No, you can't."

"Of course, I can. Don't be so rude. She's your friend after all and she cares a lot about you, bringing you here in the middle of the night. You are a Fujino and no matter what the circumstances we never lose face or composure. So, don't you dare being impolite to our guest. She can stay as long as she wants. Are we clear?"

"Crystal..." Shizuru said in a low voice. Can this get any worse... And as if she had asked for this, Sandra was standing in the doorframe.

"I am sorry to disturb the two of you this late. I just wanted to say goodnight to Shizuru."

"Of course, go ahead. I'll leave the two of you alone."

After her mother had closed the door Shizuru pierced Sandra with her eyes.

"Come on, don't give me that look. I already told you I am sorry and if you believe it or not, I didn't ask your mother for it. She almost forced it on me." Sandra said in an unaffected voice.

"Well, that must be true, because if someone knows about forcing then it's you." Shizuru's eyes were still focused Sandra.

"I already told you, I am sorry. I am not going to imitate a broken record for the rest of my life. And I am not the only one to blame. You're just as responsible for this as I am. It takes two for a kiss."

"What? That wasn't a kiss on a voluntarily basis."

"Maybe, but still a kiss without any resistance."

"You really are unbelievable!" Shizuru spat.

"Well, thank you. But honestly now, we can go on like this forever or we just deal with the facts."

"There is no we... There is not even a me..." Shizuru said with her catatonic voice again.

"I would lie, if I'd say that I give up on you, but I can at least promise that I will let you figure things out with your precious Natsuki first. But believe me, if you're not going to tell her about us, I'll make sure I do. I may have done a lot of stupid things in my life, Shizuru. But one thing I've learned. Nothing's ever true with a lie. She needs to know everything and then you have to patiently wait for her decision. Whether she can live with that truth or not, it's not for you to decide. Even without tonight, you would have had to face the same fate. These things cannot be undone."

Shizuru inhaled sharply. "I know that already. Can you please leave me alone now?"

"Of course. Good night." And with that Sandra was gone.

Being captured in loneliness again, her thoughts started to trail off again. Natsuki how can I tell you something like this after tonight...? You'll hate me for this and there's nothing I can do about it. I am so afraid of losing control. Where are you right now? Are you with her? Finding solace in her arms? I couldn't even blame you. How I wish I could hold you in my arms again tonight. I shouldn't have let go of you last night. We should have stayed in bed forever. I just hope you're safe even if you are with Nao...

Tonight, four girls weren't granted with sleep. Each of them tossing and turning alone in bed, only connected by invisible strings of thoughts. None of them could know by now with what aftermaths they would have to face after tonight.

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**A/N:** Yes, I know it's short but there was a need for a filler-chapter to cope with the events from the last ones. So, don't be mad with your little writer girl. More drama is going to come and of course the next chapters will be longer.


	16. Coming clean

_**"I understand that with loves comes pain, but why did I have to love so much?"**_

**Disclaimer: Sunrise is the owner of Mai HiME and its characters. ****Damn them.**

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**Chapter 15 - Coming clean**

Natsuki was struggling for the rest of weekend whether to attend school or burying herself at home forever. She knew she couldn't effort to raise her absent-record any higher after making up for it with all the extra classes, but she also was afraid of facing Nao after everything that had happened. _I can't just simply walk over and pretend that nothing happened. Or maybe I should do just that. I could ask Shizuru to give me a lesson in pretending... Damn it! I don't know how to face either of them. This time it's really screwed up! There's no use in hiding. I have to face both of them eventually. So, why not going to school? _

The idea was brave but the action completely failed its purpose. Natsuki unintentionally tried her best to stay in the classroom for the entire day as it was a contest of who could sit the longest. Only when she had to leave for lunch break she rose from her seat. She hectically walked away from all the other students before any of her friends were able to spot her. She practically ran into the little forest to get lost between the shadows of the trees and bushes. The singing birds were louder than the school noise and the sun was breaking through the branches. Walking along a little path she had spotted, she was suddenly blown away by the amazing sight in front of her. Her eyes were met by a dreamlike image. The sounds of the pupil were now completely eradicated by the voice of nature. The green path behind her was replaced with an explosion of colors. The whole location seemed to scream out serenity. Only now, when she saw all the little pink blossoms scatter around her, she remembered this special place and all the memories it held within. She blinked for a few times to shake off the feeling that this was all a dream. It was hard to imagine that a place of such beauty truly exists right in front of her eyes without being noticed. Here she had met Shizuru for the first time. Here her life started to slowly change. Here she started to discover that damn feeling called trust. Still unable to move, she was watching the graceful dance of blossoms. The sight filled her heart with pain. How could she have forgotten about the beauty of this garden? How could she have become such coward? Her feet were moving forward, careful not to smash the blossoms beneath her.

_Beautiful flowers are to be loved, right... If I had recognized by then what you really meant to me... what I meant to you... Maybe I could have changed it all. But now, even without the carnival and the HiME-powers it seems as if everything's going down. Last time, my world was safe because I didn't feel like being responsible for anything and didn't care about myself at all but now, the real world is safe and mine is shattered. Is this some kind of punishment because I failed to protect the ones I love? I am only here because Mai defeated Reito otherwise Shizuru and I... both of us would be dead. Maybe, I am not meant for happy endings, maybe I am really meant to be alone... At least, I won't hurt anybody then_...

"It does feel nostalgic, doesn't it?" A sweet voice behind her let Natsuki's eyes snap open in shock.

_Don't tell me..._

"I am sorry, Natsuki. I didn't mean to bother you at school or something. I just wanted to walk around in the flower-garden for a bit. I am actually as surprised as you. I didn't expect to meet you here... again." The way her name was said with this certain accent brought goose-bumps to her skin. She still didn't dare to turn around nor was she able to speak. She took in a huge amount of air and tried to defeat the sudden dryness in her mouth, but no words would come out of it. _This can't be real. It must really be some kind of bad dream._

Shizuru's gaze lingered on Natsuki's back. She tried to sound as calm as possible, when her heart was hammering in her chest. To stand here again after such a long time and noticing that nothing had changed at all wrenched her heart to such a painful amount that she could hardly repress a groan. The silence of the other girl made her almost choke. _Natsuki... I didn't mean to make you face me against your will. I just wanted to be here once more and to get away from home and Sandra. You must hate me by now... I do nothing but hope you have at least any feelings left for me... be it love or hate. I don't care. I can't turn back time and I should have received this punishment long ago. _When Shizuru saw the younger girl inhaling deeply, she knew that Natsuki wasn't able to talk to her and so she made the first move.

"Whether you want to hear it or not, I will tell you about my actions and I'll take responsibility. I should have done that much earlier. Forgive me."

"What do you mean?" Natsuki said, still not turning around.

"I mean, that you have a right to know about me and Sandra."

The name stirred up the repressed anger inside of Natsuki. She swirled around with a sharp gaze, focusing Shizuru, who gulped by the sight of the furious emerald orbs.

Shizuru however, did her best to ignore the daggers erupting from the younger girls eyes. It was hard to control her feelings well enough to speak the truth right into Natsuki's face though.

"So, it's really true that you're cheating on me... Are you in love with her?" The words just dashed out of Natsuki's mouth before she could give them a second thought. The feeling of jealousy was still something new and frightening to her. Shizuru's eyes became wide in shock.

"No, of course not. I've never been in love with anybody else but you." Her voice was shaking. "I didn't mean to cheat on you ever. Although, it may sound like an excuse, she forced me into that kiss... But it's my fault that she actually had a reason to require something from me..." She closed her eyes and inhaled deeply. "Back then in Germany, I did many things I now regret deeply. I was afraid of telling you about it, because I felt not even worth standing in the shadow of your purity. I wanted to tell you this before the night of your birthday, but it was so overwhelming that I couldn't tear myself away from the sensation of finally making you mine. When I left Japan for good, I just wanted to destroy my feelings for you because they were tearing me apart. Even a thousand miles away, the thought of you made my heart ache. Unable to forget about you or to erase the feelings I had, I started with my personal kind of self-destruction. I gave myself away to Sandra... and now that I am here standing in front of you again in this fateful place; I wish that I could go back to that day where our gazes met here for the first time. I wish I could be honest with you right from the start without concealing my feelings behind and ugly mask of perfection." Tears forced their way to her eyes. "Natsuki, please believe me. I've always loved you with all my heart and although I try to be perfect for you I am mentally unstable. I promised myself to bear the consequences of my behavior. So, I understand if you hate me for this."

Natsuki's gaze had wandered to the bottom. After Shizuru had finished her speech, Natsuki smiled a bitter smile.

_This stupid Sandra... so she was at least right to some amount. I should definitely kick her ass next time she crosses my way. I should have known that Shizuru wouldn't wait for me forever... _

"You don't need to be perfect for me." Natsuki eventually said.

"That's the only way to stand tall at your side."

"I am far from perfect, Shizuru... I guess after you've been honest with me, it's my time to trade secrets..."

Shizuru made a surprised expression.

"I don't understand what Natsuki could possibly..."

"It's about Nao..." Natsuki cut her off and Shizuru let out a short sound of shock.

"So, I wasn't the first for you then..." Natsuki mumbled. "I can't say that I am happy about the things you just told me... But I am at least at ease to hear that you didn't lie about your feelings towards me." She said cold and distant, just like the first time they met here. She tried to stop the dwelling anger to break forth, because she knew that she didn't have the right to be all angry. At least not, before she had informed Shizuru about her recent actions. She tried to gather all her confidence and started to explain to the Kyoto-beauty.

"After I ran away on Saturday night, I found myself sitting in the park. Nao came after me to talk to me and to make me feel a bit better." She paused trying to think of way to make it sound less fatal. But there was nothing. What she did was cheating... that she slowly realized by now. "I don't know how or why it happened but we ended up kissing..." She could almost hear Shizuru's heart crack under the force of her words. The older girl needed quite some time to compose herself enough to respond to the news.

"By 'we' you mean she kissed you... again?" Shizuru said, her eyes starting to get this lost look again.

Natsuki deliberated if she should lie to her, but then, she wasn't a good liar and she was sick of this hide-and-seek.

"No. By 'we' I mean, I am as much to blame as her. It was a spur of a moment thing and I can't explain why it happened at all. I just figured I have to be honest with you."

"That's very kind of Natsuki... " Shizuru stated, her mind completely blank.

Natsuki hated the awkwardness of the situation. She was actually sick of the whole scenario. The girl, she thought she loved was standing in front of her, losing herself again because of that damn thing called love. After all, Natsuki wasn't too sure if she really knew about the meaning of love. Right now, she just felt enraged about the news with Sandra. _Where the hell is this stupid person anyway?_

"What about Sandra? I mean is she still in Japan?"

Shizuru's eyes became sad and full of regret.

"She's staying at my house... for I don't know how long..." Shizuru stated.

"What?"

"I am sorry, my mother invited her. I didn't want her to but I kind of had no choice."

Natsuki turned away and made a long pause before responding to Shizuru's words.

"I hate to see you sad, Shizuru. You know that and I am sorry to be the reason for this once more. Maybe it's better if we take it slow for a while. Maybe it'd be good if we don't see each other for a couple of days. As much as I would love to just accept all the things you told me, I'm afraid I can't. I wouldn't have thought it would bother me that much, but I need a bit time on my own. It might be good for you too. You can figure out what's really going on between you and Sandra."

"Natsuki..." Even though Shizuru's world seemed to stop in this very moment the falling blossoms proved her wrong. Unable to move, she could only stare at the back of the person she had, and would still, kill for.

"That's the only thing I can offer right now." Natsuki said, afraid of herself. She wasn't used to being that cold towards Shizuru, but her mind acted on its own. The image of Shizuru and Sandra being so intimate really pained her.

"I understand." Shizuru answered with a cracked voice. "Are you going to see her again?"

Natsuki didn't get the core of the question at first, but then realized she also must have hurt her precious person a lot. Yet, as much as she wanted to say something nice, she just couldn't bring herself to do so.

"I guess I have no choice since we're going to the same school."

"Of course... Excuse me then. I'll leave you alone now. Contact me whenever you feel like it." _I'll be waiting for you... always._

And with that Shizuru was gone and a suddenly very lonesome Natsuki was left behind. Even the beauty of the garden could not conceal the ugly feelings inside of her.

_Love... it's evil._

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**A/N:** Damn, this was actually hard to write. I started the chapter and then decided to change it completely and now what was supposed to be chapter 15 is now chaoter 16 and oh the confusion. But now it's done and I am content. I already have written a page for the next chapter so it is most likely to be updated this weekend. We're started to desperately scratching the end of the story but there will be at least three or four more chapter. Maybe even more because I tend to write more than I actually want to.


	17. Push forward

_**"It's really painful to say goodbye to someone you don't want to let go. But it's more painful to ask that person to stay even when you know you can never make it work out the way it should be. "**_

**Disclaimer: Mai HiME is property of Sunrise. Blah blah blah**

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**Chapter 16 - Push forward**

Natsuki had been acting like a ghost for the rest of the week. Almost back to her old self, she didn't bother to attend classes regularly nor did she speak to anyone. She wore her fuck-off-attitude even better than before and nobody dared to get too close to the ice-princess. She was tired of useless words and actions. The rage inside of her was still burning devastatingly. Angry about the world and all of its beings, she was unable to distract her thoughts from certain pictures that were involving a lot of nakedness in compination with Shizuru and Sandra. Her head was completely occupied with this flaming jealousy that she was too distracted to think any further about her last encounter with Nao.

On Friday afternoon, she was sitting on a stone at the edge of the cursed cliff. Her bike neatly parked in the usual spot, eyes gazing at the horizon. The sun hadn't shown up for the last days. As if the weather seemed to melt with Natsuki's mood. A thick grey veil was engulfing the sky. The usual stunning colors of the scenery in front of her had turned into a dismally grey. The waves were rocking back and forth against the bluff, trying to break the last resistance before they could overflow the rest of her colorless world.

_Ne mother... what is love? You never told me anything about it. You didn't have the chance to. If only you could be here right now... If only I could curl up myself in your arms once more... Would you too tell me that love is good? Just like Mai and Mikoto always tried to explain to me or would you tell me the truth? How can something like this be good...? Wasn't it love that drove father away from us? Wasn't it love that let you give your life away? After all, I don't think I know how to love... I don't think I am capable of something like this... Not even of receiving it. For me, love always comes with pain and when I look at Shizuru I see the same thing. How much she's hurting because of this. How much we're both hurting... Life sure was easier when I didn't let anyone come close but now that I know the feeling of not being alone it's hard to go back into my shell... _

The beeping of her mobile tore her out of her reverie.

'Care to play knight again?'

Nao never was a fan of too many words; a fact that Natsuki had always liked about her.

_Right... the guitar lesson. I am not in the mood to play guitar. I am not in the mood to do anything but sitting here. Yet, I avoided Nao for the whole week. She deserves some kind of talk too... There's no way around it. It can't possibly be worse than the one I had with Shizuru._

Unable to break away from the fateful cliffs, Natsuki remained until the light slowly started to fade away. Making its way to the horizon, the sun slowly found a way to break through the clouds. Golden rays hitting the deep black of Natsuki's hair. Her strands where waving in the breeze. The resurrected colors filled her eyes and brought a light smile to her lips. After saying her goodbye's to her mother she sped off to the school.

In the empty corridors, the only sound was caused by Natsuki's echoing footsteps and the ruffling of the box of strawberries in her rucksack. She had been wandering along the market square and couldn't resist buying the little red delicacies on her way to school. Her mouth became watery only by the thought of it, but she couldn't afford to waste any more time. She was already fairly late and wasn't even sure if Nao was still there. She couldn't blame her though if not since she hadn't bothered to write the younger girl a message that she's planning to show up at all. When she stood in front of the classroom door though, she somehow hoped for the room to be empty. But when she opened the door, she could see the familiar light-green eyes piercing right through her. Feeling caught, Natsuki was slightly uncomfortable and muttered a low sorry.

"Where's your guitar?" Nao said with a confident voice.

"Ugh... umm. I wasn't at home and I came on my bike so..."

"Well, I am glad you showed up anyway." Nao said friendly before attaching: "After making me wait like forever."

"Yeah..." Natsuki felt like an idiot. She had no idea at all how to talk things over. She nervously scratched her head while walking inside the room, the box still ruffling in her rucksack. _Now that should do as an apology._ She put out the strawberries and placed them on the table in front of Nao, who was giving her a puzzled look in response.

"I like strawberries. Don't tell me you don't?" Nasuki stated, a tad insecure.

"Not so much." came the instant reply.

"Oh man and here I wanted to apologize for making you wait." By taking a closer look to her surroundings, the Natsuki noticed a vase with pink roses standing on the table.

"Where did you get these roses?" Natsuki asked.

"I picked them in the garden outside, while I was waiting for you."

"So you like roses?"

Nao only nodded.

"Ne Nao, did you know that strawberries actually belong to the rose family? They obviously don't look like roses though... No thorns and all and they taste sweet, but they are in a way roses."

Nao inhaled deeply before she spoke.

"I didn't know you were into gardening." Nao commented. Natsuki pouted a little but didn't defend herself. Sakomizu had told her some things about flowers and stuff, but it was nothing she wanted to share until now. After getting a smile from Nao, the younger girl continued. "Not every rose is similar you know. These strawberries may be roses, but they are completely different from those flowers. Do you like roses too? Despite they're not as perfect as these fine shaped and sweet strawberries, which have no flaws at all?" Nao said with her gaze focused on the roses. Natsuki followed Nao's eyes speaking.

"I think that's actually a reason why I could like them more than strawberries. They're not so foolish to exist in such beauty without being prepared to defend themselves. Beautiful to look at but barely touchable, right? That's why strawberries are getting eaten and flowers are to be adored." Natsuki said with a grin, but Nao remained serious.

"I see. So, you would pick the strawberries because the flowers are too dangerous to touch."

"No. I would pick the strawberries because I am hungry." Natsuki grinned, astonished about her flippantly behavior. _Wow, where is this coming from? An hour ago I felt like dying and now... _

But Nao couldn't really bring herself to smile until Natsuki said the next words.

"But in the long term, if I had to choose, I would choose the flowers, because they are beautiful and I am not afraid of their thorns." Of course, Natsuki wasn't aware of the profundity of this conversation and Nao maybe just wished for this to have a meaning, but still she was happy about Natsuki's answer and gave her a warm smile.

"Then, would you mind telling me what your favorite flower is?" Nao asked.

"Take a guess."

"I don't know."

"Okay, I give you a hint. They are white." Natsuki searched the eyes of Nao.

"Hmm... Lilies?"

"Nope."

"White roses?" Nao asked and Natsuki's face suddenly became serious.

"Actually those are Shizuru's favorite flowers." She said with a hint of sorrow.

"How characteristic... The white rose actually means 'secret' in flower-language."

Natsuki was about to drift off into her inner-world, but Nao noticed the change of mood and tried to keep her mind occupied.

"Okay, I have no idea. What's your favorite flower? I am really curious now."

Snapping back into reality, Natsuki turned her head a bit to look outside the window. The sun had almost set and the warm rays were shining through the huge glass façade again. Little white pollens were floating on an invisible trail of wind, glistening in the light.

"The blow ball..." Natsuki said absent-minded. "It's only blooming once a year but it's a wonderful sight, seeing the little silver tufted fruits been blown away on the wind, descending into the sky... It's rare, but perfect... A sweet metaphor for evanescence."

"The blow ball?" Nao thought about it for a moment. "No, I don't like dandelions."

"I am not talking about the dandelion."

"It's actually the same."

"No. They are far from being the same... Let's see... " Natsuki paused a bit to think of a good example for explaining what she actually meant and she soon found what she was looking for. "I like butterflies, but I don't particularly enjoy inchworms."

"Touché." Nao smiled at her to show that she was impressed of Natsuki's counter. "I love butterflies too. They are beautiful." Her eyes became sad. "But hard to capture... Their real beauty lies within their freedom I believe." She made a small pause before moving on in a dreamy voice. "When I was a child we had a big caterpillar crawling in our garden. Being a little girl, I found it disgusting. After a few hours it had vanished. Sometime later I found this big cocoon hanging from a tree and I didn't dare touching it. Two weeks went by where I looked at the cocoon every day and then this one time it started to move and a beautiful butterfly came out of the shell." Nao said with a smile on her lips.

"Hey, that means you were the first person the butterfly saw in its life."

"Actually, I don't think it has even noticed me. I wanted to capture it but it flew away the moment I touched it wings."

"Maybe you shouldn't have tried to trap it, but wait for it to eventually crawl into your hand." Natsuki said.

"Either way it's better for it to be free. I would have probably crushed it anyway for holding it too tight." She made a pause; a sad smile plastered her face. "Who would have thought that something I was disgusted at first sight could be so utterly beautiful to me in the end." Nao couldn't help but searching for Natsuki's eyes while voicing the last sentence.

The emotions erupting from the eyes of the younger girl made Natsuki's heart beat faster. Unable to verbalize anything useful, she waited for Nao to make the next move and after a little while, the younger girl started to speak again while coming closer to she was standing.

"Do you know these dreams in which you delightfully slide in? Those dreams you want to dream forever? Even if you wake up once in a while you just turn around and wish for the dream to continue and it does. Again and again until the point where you finally have to wake up… cause no dream lasts forever… because we can't sleep forever... because, there is no forever. A happy ending story is an unfinished story. Sad but true. Fairytales will remain as fairytales and my mirror will never show me a crystal palace. I'll never be a princess. There's no never ending story. Everything seems to end eventually. That is what reality shows us in the end after it was well hidden behind a beautiful mask called love. Isn't it sa(i)d that love is the strongest of emotions...? And that love can conquer everything? I'm beginning to understand why it is so strong. Obviously not by making you feel good because nobody said love is good. The strength of love rather lies in its destructive ways. Isn't it love that can crush a person's soul? Love always comes with pain they say, but isn't pain an essential part of this big emotion. Love turns people into liars. Let them lose their minds, let them humiliate themselves and let them even lose their lives. I begin to wonder why mankind craves so much for this. Personally, love reminds me of Pandora's Box. I was so eager to look inside that box even when I once opened it and got paid for. Humans are so predictable. So, I looked into the Lovers Box, filled with fun, happiness, joy and so many other sweet and kind things. Until the point where you want too much, where you start digging deeper, where you finally try to open your eyes... That's when you come to the stash. This is where the box begins to show its real face. The lovely things suddenly stop and you are blown away by a wave of destruction. It comes right into your face. All the pain, fear and anger become reality and you begin to understand that it was always there, waiting and growing for you, to see what love really means. Just like Pandora's Box the lovers' box gets slowly empty and the bad feelings have wrapped their thorny arms around you in a tight embrace. Now it's your choice to close it or leave it open. The cruel thing about Lovers Boxes is that every couple only has one, once opened you can never have a new one. You have to live with all the pain and lies it poured out and the only chance to get through this is to rely on the last thing remaining inside the box. Hope... But sometimes neither love nor hope can cure the wounds left within your heart. You may cover the marks, but they'll always be there hurting until you will not be able to take it anymore." She paused and breathed in and out for a few seconds to calm herself. "I've tried to deny this and to keep it inside of me as good as I could, but it seems I am not strong enough to carry this alone." She lifted her head a bit and searched for those emerald eyes that had been haunting her in her sleep for a while. "I think I've fallen for you... No, actually that's not the right way to say this." She searched the eyes of the older girl for any sign of reaction. But she couldn't read the confused look at all. "Natsuki... I love you." When she spoke out the words her eyes fluttered shut as if she was in pain.

Natsuki's brain went on overload.

_Love... _

She suddenly felt sick and her heart was pounding in an unhealthy manner. Her lungs pumped more air than necessary causing her brain to feel dizzy. After opening her eyes again Nao slowly got closer to her. Natsuki was standing there like a statue unable to move. She was sure her heart was about to pop out and run away. When Nao lifter her head a bit to capture Natsuki's emerald eyes once more before she carefully started to close the remaining distance between them. Their bodies were so close that they could feel each other's heat rising with every lost inch. Nao gently encircled Natsuki's waist. Their lips only inches apart.

Nao's sweet scent once more was about to drive Natsuki crazy, but feeling the slight touch of those tender lips upon hers again made her snap.

"NO!" She screamed in fear and pushed Nao away. Looking at the mess she had created, she hectically attached. "I can't do this anymore... I mean, we can't do this... I don't even know what is going on, but it's not right to do such things behind Shizuru's back." That was the only explanation she could come up with, although she hadn't thought about Shizuru at all. But she wanted to have an excuse for her behavior. She wanted to have a logical reason behind all this. Nao however, felt still delirious. Slowly realizing that she had been pushed away by the person she proposed a few seconds ago made her feel like the most stupid being on earth.

Natsuki couldn't help but do what she could best. She grabbed her back and started to walk towards the door.

"I am sorry, Nao. But this is not right."

"Yes, but it's not like I can make it disappear or anything and neither can you! Even if you want it, you can't just push rewind. When you put out a blaze the smoke still remains..."

Natsuki stopped dead in her tracks for a short moment by hearing these words but without turning around or replying anything she eventually slammed the door behind her and ran to the motorcycle.

_Maybe I can't push rewind... but I can always push forward._

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**A/N:** See what you guys made me do? Writing such a long chapter in such a short time. My brain is bleeding now


	18. Apart

"_**Relationships are like broken glasses. Sometimes it's better to leave them broken than hurt yourself by trying to put the pieces back together."**_

**Disclaimer:****So sich of this Disclaimer thing -.- but yes, as always the beautiful characters of Mai HiME belong to Sunrise alone. Hey, but the story is still mine =)**

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**Chapter 17 - Apart**

Today, the big glass-hall of Fuuka Academy was crowded with a lot of curiously looking students. The famous-for-being-forever-seventeen-history-teacher was standing on a platform to announce the final results of the election for the student-council president. Chie and Shiho were already standing on the pedestal, while Midori was still waiting for the missing third candidate. After a few more minutes and a lot of mumbling in the audience, she decided to start.

"Alright, pupils of Fuuka Gakuen! Today, we have a special announcement. The new student-council president will be nominated by your previously taken votes. Originally, we had three candidates on the hot-list but sadly only two of them seem to be interested in this. I apologize to all the voters, who wanted to see Yuuki Nao as the new Kaichou. So, the race is between Harada Chie and Munakata Shiho."

After the announcement of Nao being eliminated, a few curses and mumblings were going through the audience but the rising tension soon silenced everyone. Midori opened the envelope with the results and stepped in front of the microphone again.

"And the new student-council-president is... Harada Chie!"

The people seemed to be pleased with the result since everyone was applauding the bowing Chie. Only the octopus-head was standing in the back with burning eyes. Chie noticed the gaze just before she went into the direction of the microphone.

"A big thank you to all the people, who voted for me and hence having faith in me. I would like to take this possibility and make Shiho the Chief of the Executive Board. I believe since there are only the two of us left, we can split the position just like Fujino-san and Suzushiro-san did in the past. Of course, only if Shiho is interested."

When Chie turned around to look at her underclass-man, Shiho was already standing next to her with glittery eyes.

"I am very happy to take the responsibility for this important position. This school will undergo some much needed changes under my control." Shiho started, but Chie soon put her hand over the mic and whispered to Shiho.

"Maybe, control is not a good word to phrase this plus it's a bit early for that. A 'thank-you' should do for now."

Shiho looked at her with puzzled eyes when Chie gave her a little slap on the back of her head.

"Thank you." She repeated in zombie-modus.

The campus outside of the hall was nearly empty since all of the students were to watch the ceremony. Mai knew that she had to look for her friend at the quieter corners of school. After a while of searching she eventually found Natsuki sitting on the meadow.

"May I?" Mai said full of concern.

"Suit yourself." Natsuki replied coldly as ever.

There was an awkward silence for at least two minutes before Mai tried to start the conversation again.

"You know that if you need to talk to somebody about all of this, I'll always be here and listen."

"That's nice, but I need to figure some things out for myself I believe." Natsuki said gazing at the sky.

"I thought so. But remember that you're not alone."

"Mhh... Far from that..." Natsuki paused for a while before turning her head to face Mai. "Who won the election?"

"Chie." She stated with an almost mischievous grin on her face.

"I see. You're obviously glad Shiho didn't make it."

"Yes, to some amount. But she's doing Suzushiro's job now."

"Ugh, that fits her quiet well. So, Nao wasn't elected after all." Natsuki voice was still unreadable.

"Nobody knows for sure. She got eliminated because she wasn't attending the ceremony."

"She wasn't?" Mai wasn't sure if Natsuki's voice was colored with surprise or concern.

"No. To be exact, I haven't seen her in the past days." Mai wondered about Natsuki's reaction while answering. The missing response of her quiet friend let her become even more suspicious about the whole scenario.

"Natsuki, did something happen? I mean between the two of you." She asked carefully. The eyes of the raven-haired girl gave away the unvoiced answer. Natsuki might be good at saying nothing with her mouth, but her eyes deceived her almost all the time. After her friend let out nothing but a sigh, Mai decided that she couldn't do anything as long as Natsuki didn't want to talk about this. "Alright, I will leave it at that for now. But promise me that you'll figure things out. You can't stay away from both of them. You eventually will have to make a decision. Just don't keep them waiting for too long or you might lose them both."

_Losing them both... sounds good to me... _Natsuki knew that she was lying to herself. She wished she would be capable of going back to be a lone wolf again but after all she had been through, she couldn't just run away from everything. When Mai was gone she lay back on the grass and watched the clouds floating high above her head. _I wonder why Nao didn't show up. Of course, she would never want to have the position as student-council president but I thought she would at least attend school on a regularly basis now. I guess, I can't complain since I wasn't really here myself. I should try to contact her later. After all, Mai is right. But first I have to go and see Shizuru... _Natsuki had messaged the older girl in the morning that she'll come over to her place after school. And although Shizuru didn't want Natsuki to see the situation with her and Sandra under one roof, she couldn't decline since she never knew if it was her last chance to make things right. She desperately tried to grab every lit bit that Natsuki had to offer.

Natsuki didn't like the place for their first meeting after their fight either, but what other option did she have? She wanted to have the opportunity to leave whenever she wanted and that's why she didn't invite Shizuru over to her place and she also had to admit that she wanted to see how this 'Sandra-is-living-under-my-roof'-thing played out. Given this fact, she could feel that the already difficult trust-basis towards Shizuru was shattered once more. Although, she had experienced the loss of trust before, it was always something terrifying for her. The betrayal of her mother, which she still didn't know if it was true or not and the things Shizuru had done to her remained burning in a hidden place of her heart. She is a forgiving individual, but she could never forget such actions completely and having her trust abused this way, she had no idea how to cope with the new arisen feeling of jealousy. She was imagining the strangest things and just hoped that none of them were actually true. The more Natsuki thought about it, the more she was afraid of facing Shizuru. She wanted to take things slow and they didn't have contact for the whole week, but it strangely didn't help at all. Her mind was as occupied as last weekend and her anger didn't really go away. Well, it did at times but as soon as her thoughts wandered back to Shizuru and Sandra the anger came flying right back to her. _After all, I still don't know how to face her, nor do I know how to get over the fact that she had been lying to me for so long. I had a right to know before... before she slept with me... and now... what do we have but a shattered relationship again? We've been there before. It's already hard enough to put a broken mirror back together. Even if we had taped it up nicely, the reflection was still flawed. Of course, it would break again within the slightest eruption. There's no way to make it work right. Every time I'll look into the mirror I will see the cracks all over my reflection. And with every breakdown I would have to collect all the pieces of me anew... I don't know if I can do this anymore... _Natsuki was desperately trying to shake off the thoughts by increasing the speed of her beloved vehicle. The huge iron fence in front of the manor became slowly just a few inches away from the doorbell, the girl inhaled deeply. But before she could even think of turning around and running away the door was opened. She was greeted by dark red eyes, which seemed to look right through her. She felt caught and couldn't hide her distress. This immediately caused Shizuru to turn her eyes away from her down to the floor.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to startle you. I just kind of heard your bike and thought I could get to the door myself." Shizuru made a pause, her gaze still focused on the bottom. "Before you would run away..."

The whole situation felt more awkward with every second the silent was lingering. Natsuki felt like a dumbass for not saying a word. But she had no idea how to respond to any of these words. She didn't want to lie to Shizuru nor did she want to admit that the older girl was right about her thoughts of running away. Just when Natsuki was about to mumble some syllables that seemed to be in a foreign language, she was jostled from behind. When the obvious cause for her lack of balance walked into the door, she realized that this action wasn't by accident. Watching the brown-haired girl walking past her and ignoring her completely made her furious.

"Oi, are you stupid? You better be careful with you actions or else..." Natsuki had no idea how to finish the sentence. But there was no need for it since Sandra already stopped dead in her tracks and turned around.

"Or else what? You'll turn around and run away again, whining like a little baby? I already know that face of yours well enough."

This was the first time that Shizuru saw Natsuki's cheeks become red without being teased. She could sense that Natsuki was about to exchange words with fists and she knew, she had to prevent that from happening. Although, she found the image of Natsuki punching Sandra right into the face somewhat amusing. And just when she started to imaging the scene in front of her inner eye, Natsuki dashed forward, grabbing Sandra's shirt and clenching her right fist, ready to punch. Shizuru was still not sure if she should really hold her back or just let things happen, but before Natsuki could finish the action she was interrupted by a strict voice.

"Enough!" The heavy Kyoto accent echoed throughout the huge main hall. All three girls were so startled that they instantly turned around towards the owner of the organ. Shizuru's mother was coming down the big stairway with an angry face.

"I will not allow such ugly behavior in my home."

"Mother, it is..." Shizuru seemed terrified when she realized how angry her mother was.

"Silence!" She cut her daughter off in a tone that let even the ice-princess shiver.

"I think it's better if you make your leave now, Kuga-san. I don't approve of threatening guests of my family and I especially condemn any kind violence."

_Except words... _ was the first thing Shizuru was able to think after she had been silenced by her mother. She felt horrible, having her mother talk in such way to Natsuki, practically sheltering Sandra with her words.

Natsuki was slightly shaking in anger when she released the tall girl from her tight grip. She somehow managed to keep her composure for apologizing to Shizuru's mother, before turning around.

When Shizuru saw the angered look in the younger girls face, she couldn't help but go after her.

"Natsuki, please don't leave. I am sorry. We can go and talk elsewhere." The raven-haired girl slowed down her pace before stopping and facing Shizuru once more.

"No. It's fine. I'm sorry that I angered your mother. It was a stupid idea to come here." Natsuki said. Shizuru was deeply hurt when the words reached her ears and Natsuki could see that her composure was shattering. She went on before the older girl could say something.

"Maybe, it's still too early for this. After all, I can't stand seeing the both of you. I better head home now. Tell, your mom that I am sorry."

"Natsuki..."

But Natsuki was already on her bike when Shizuru mumbled her name in desperation.

_I want to run after you... I want to pull you towards me and embrace you and never let you go... But what could I really do if you just walked away... I can't change the way you feel about this... I've again put my sanity into your hands... _Shizuru was standing there like a statue even when Natsuki had already left for more than ten minutes. Time didn't matter anymore, nor did distance. They've had more miles between them this year, but she never felt more apart from the younger girl than now.

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**A/N:** So, Chie got the most votes. If I have counted correctly there are only two more (probably long) chapters left...So sad that the story comes to an end. But it's better that way since I get so few reviews for it. But still, I am satisfied and that's what matters, right?


	19. Realization

"_**Two people may fall for each other but sometimes one gets up and walks away while the other is still fallen to the ground."**_

**Disclaimer: Yes, I shall state it again. Mai HiME belongs to Sunrise.**_**  
**_

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**Chapter 18 - Realization**

-'The person you've called is temporarily not available... '- Natsuki flipped her phone shut for the eleventh time during the last two hours. At first, she thought that Nao was busy, but after the third time of hearing the monotone computer voice, she slowly started to worry. _Maybe she's in an area with no reception or maybe her battery died... _All the attempts of trying to ease her mind seemed to fall flat when she thought of her conversation with Mai in the morning. Usually, Natsuki would just stay in her room, staring at ceiling after such an unpleasant conversation with Shizuru, but something was pulling on her, so that she wasn't able to put her mind at rest. It was like some kind of bad feeling she couldn't really grab. Thinking back, she had to admit that she had avoided Nao as best as she could and somehow she felt really sad that they weren't able to spent time together without being wrapped up in some epic drama. Natsuki was sure that love is the ultimate basis of all bad feelings the world had to offer. _It would be so simple if something like this wouldn't exist at all. We could all just be friends... _But the more she tried to see things this way, the less she believed herself. The things she wanted to deny so badly were boiling deep inside of her. The question of how long she could keep on avoiding any of it was her silent companion throughout her sleepless nights._ Nao hasn't been to school either. What if she's sick or something? Maybe I should check up on her at home. Didn't she tell me that she's living in the dorms again? I will drop by to make sure she's okay._

When Natsuki arrived at the dorms, she had no idea where to start her search. The memory of Chie being the new student-council president, stroke her thoughts. _She must have the same access level Shizuru had... She should know where to find Nao._ She dialed Chie's number and was greeted with the usual curious and teasing voice.

"For the ice-princess to call me in private. The white uniform sure turns you on, ne Natsuki-chan?"

She had a hard time to restrain her feelings by hearing the reference to Shizuru but she wasn't going to let that big mouth know about her troubles. So, she tried to be as cool as possible.

"Hi Chie, congratulations to your election. I am calling to ask a favor of you." She said nonchalantly.

The four-eye didn't become suspicious and answered in her usual chie-ishness.

"Always there to help the lost girls. What can I do for you, Natsuki-chan?"

"Thanks Peter, I mean Chie Pan..." Natsuki replied a little annoyed. "I wanted to visit Nao, but I can't remember her room number and it seems that her phone died."

The other side of the line remained silent for too long. Natsuki's heartbeat eventually became louder in her ears than the static of the line.

"She isn't staying at the dorms anymore." Chie replied.

"Why? Where is she?" Natsuki responded, not sounding so calm anymore.

"I am sorry, but that's as much as I can tell you." Chie responded.

Natsuki's eyes mirrored her inner terror quite well. If anyone would have seen her in this state, they would have probably ran away in fear.

"Please, it's important." came the last desperate attempt.

"I'm sorry, Natsuki."

Without saying another word Natsuki hung up. Some girls walked past her and the wind started to blow heavy, but right now she didn't mind. She didn't even notice. She was just standing there, feeling numb. Gaze empty and mind blank, she was unable to move.

After the first shock had settled, her brain slowly started to think of what to do next. She had to find out what happened. A thousand horrible things were racing through her mind and while running back to her bike, she shook her head like it would help to get rid of the terrifying pictures. She jumped onto the her motorcycle and was about to start, when the resolution hit her brain. _Sakomizu!_ She again grabbed her phone.

"It's me." She said in her usual cold manner.

"Natsuki-san, what can I do f..."

"Are you still having the feeling to make things up to me?" Natsuki cut him off harshly.

"...Um, yes. I think so." The man on the end of the line was startled.

"Where's Nao Yuuki?"

"Nao-san..." he paused. "I don't know what you mea..."

"Liar! She told me, she lives in the dorms again, but when I came to visit Chie told me that she doesn't live here anymore and I know that she wasn't at school for the whole week. So, tell me! What happened?"

He sucked in a huge amount of air before forming his answer.

"You know, I am not allowed to give away private data of our students..."

"Bullshit!" her voice getting angrier with every second. She didn't want to talk to Sakomizu in such manner. After all, he had always watched over her and helped her a lot during the carnival. So, she calmed herself a bit and let some of her concern shine through her words. "Please..."

Hearing the fragile voice at the other side of line, Sakomizu couldn't help but give the younger girl the answer she had asked for.

"She's in the hospital." He said.

Once more Natsuki's sanity seemed to reach the edge.

"What... what happened...? Is she okay?" She was terrified of the answer, but she needed to know. _You wouldn't do something so stupid... would you?_

"Nothing happened to her. She took a break from school, saying that she has to recover from some bad events and asked to drop out of school for the rest of the year. She's in a psychiatric institute run by a doctor named Tenshii."

"Tenshii?" Natsuki said completely baffled.

"Oh, so you have heard of her?" He asked.

"You could say that, yes." She made a short pause. "Thank you, I owe you one. I got to go." _Dammit, why would she put herself in a nuthouse? She couldn't possibly give her sanity in the charge of those Soul Suckers on a voluntary basis._

The engine of her bike roared to life and left a small cloud of dust back on the campus. The uneasiness started to grow with every mile she got closer to the asylum. She would have never thought that she would go to a place like that without being forced. But to some amount she felt forced. By a power she couldn't really comprehend by now.

After entering the main hall, she tried to take in as much of her surroundings as she could. She always had the images of horror-movies in mind while thinking of such places but to her surprise, it pretty much looked like a normal hospital. Even better she had to admit. It didn't have the sterile white color and the naked walls. It could also have been a residence of a very rich person, given that it was shaped like an ancient manor. She soon was greeted by a nurse who immediately asked, if she needed help. Natsuki wasn't the best actress and her fear of being imprisoned here herself was pulling on her.

"May I help you?" Suddenly a nurse seemed to disappear out of nowhere.

"Help? Me?" her voice started to shake. "Umm…uh, no I am not crazy." _Shit!_ "Sick... haha, I mean sick." She laughed nervously. "I mean, I don't have any problems. I am here to visit a friend." She stammered.

The nurse was giving her an ominous look but didn't go into detail.

"We all have problems from time to time." The nurse smiled like Natsuki was a manic before going on. "What's the name of this friend?"

"Yuuki…" her eyes became worried again. "Nao Yuuki."

The nurse got over to the desk and typed something on the computer.

"I am sorry, Ms." she locked her gaze with Natsuki once more. "What was your name again?"

Natsuki honestly thought of making up a fake name but she soon decided to stop being ridiculous. She was here for Nao after all.

"Kuga... Kuga Natsuki"

"Well, Kuga-san. I am afraid your friend cannot welcome any guests." The nurse stated.

"What is that supposed to mean?" She busted out, unable to hide her disapproval.

"I am not allowed to tell you further details." came the cold reply.

"Wait! Let me talk to Dr. Tenshii. She knows me. She'll let me see her." Natsuki said in panic.

"I doubt that Kuga-san. So, if you would please lea... "

"Please... I beg you. Just call her and ask." Her voice was filled with emotions.

The piercing emerald eyes let the nurse fell silent for a second and she started to dial a number, still not able to tear her eyes away from Natsuki's eyes.

"Thank you... " Natsuki mumbled.

'Hello Dr. Tenshii. I am sorry to disturb you but someone is here to visit Yuuki Nao.'

'Yes, yes. I know and I already told her to leave, but she insisted on calling you. Her name is Kuga Natsuki.' There was a long pause. 'Yes, I'll tell her to wait then.'

"Dr. Tenshii wants to have a word with you. If you would be so kind to wait outside in the garden?" It wasn't really a question and so Natsuki turned around and left after thanking the nurse once more for her efforts. Despite her fear of Soul Suckers, she was happy that she got at least a little chance to come to know what was going on.

The air smelled fresh and unpolluted and the wind had almost disappeared. Little flower fields edged the paths throughout garden. Natsuki was placing herself on a bench and watched some people, who she assumed must be patients, playing bocce. _If this wasn't a place where they would examine your deepest fears, it wouldn't be that bad at all. But being split open and have your soul sucked out isn't worth the effort._

"You seem to feel quite comfortable Kuga-san. We still have some spare rooms." A voice coming from behind approached her and Natsuki's eyes shot up in terror.

"NO!" She squeaked while turning around and assuming a hostile attitude.

"Just joking. Everyone is here out of their free will." Dr. Tenshii said with a friendly smile and Natsuki let out a relieved sigh. "More or less." She suddenly added making Natsuki hold her breath in horror again.

"I... I am here to visit Nao." Natsuki said, slightly irritated about the conversation.

"I thought so." Dr. Tenshii said in a now very serious tone. "But I am afraid this is not possible."

"What do you mean with 'it's not possible'?" The concern was clearly written all over the young girls face and Dr. Tenshii felt that she couldn't just send her away without giving any kind of information.

"The problem is that Nao herself gave us the order to don't let anyone visit her." She let out a sigh and faced the building. "Especially not you."

The words hit Natsuki like a train and Dr. Tenshii knew in an instant that Natsuki could not really cope with the news and so she decided to do something she normally wouldn't do.

"Okay, Kuga-san. Back there in hospital I've been watching you two closely and I am still interested in this 'case'. I've now talked to both of you for a bit and even if if it's my patience wish to don't have you visit her, I believe that it would be good for the two of you to see each other. The distance is already big enough and I believe if somebody could help Nao in her condition it would be you. Given that you still want to visit her, of course?" Dr. Tenshii.

Natsuki was still there paralyzed about the fact that Nao didn't want to see her.

"Kuga-san?"

"Umm... Yes. Yes, of course." She eventually said, coming back to life.

"Fine. Then please follow me."

The stairs seemed endless and the hallway was so big that every footstep caused an echo.

"Please wait here. I'll talk to her first." Dr. Tenshii said.

After the door was shut, she could hear nothing but more footsteps echoing their way through the manor. But a few minutes later the voices in the room got louder and she was able to understand some bits and pieces here and there.

'I told you not to let anyone in... Not her... don't want this' She could clearly detect Nao's voice from Dr. Tenshii's and her valor seemed to have completely left her by now. The screaming slowly disappeared and after a while the door opened.

"You can come in, Kuga-san." The doctor said, while giving her an encouraging smile.

When Natsuki entered the room, she was blown away by its size. It was much bigger than she had expected too. It almost looked like a bedroom from a castle and it wasn't furnished like a hospital at all. It was more like a room where you could easily spent the rest of your life. The click of the closing door behind her brought her mind back to reality. Her eyes searched for the familiar strands of pink hair and found them on the right side of the room. Nao was sitting cross-legged on the bed. Not bothering to look at her. Although the setting was different, it reminded her of the times when she would visit her in hospital every day. The thought of this image brought a smile to her lips. She started to walk over to the pensive looking girl.

"Hey Nao." She said warmly. First she didn't get any respond but after a while Nao opened her mouth.

"What do you want?" The usual cold voice strangely eased the tension a bit because Natsuki was very used to this kind of attitude. It was much easier for her to interact on this level than on a very polite and correct one. But thinking about an answer she had to admit that she didn't know it herself.

"I don't know." Natsuki said.

"What? Are you an idiot or something?"

"Mh... I guess so. I believe I wanted to check up on you because your phone isn't working."

"Yes, that's because I've switched it off since I don't want to be bothered by anyone." While speaking the last words her head shot around and her light green eyes started to pierce Natsuki.

The raven-haired girl was afraid at first but she didn't tear her eyes away because she saw something different than rage in those angry looking eyes.

"May I take a seat? She politely asked. Not bothering to comment on Nao's statement.

The younger girl only growled, but Natsuki took it as a yes and so she also sat down on the bed.

Nao made clear that she didn't approve of the action at all by sliding away.

"Nao, I am sorry that I have avoided you. The truth is that I myself don't know what is going on. The whole thing with Shizuru is driving me nuts and I have no idea what to do anymore."

"You could start by stop bullshitting me with your lovesickness stuff!" Nao muttered.

Hearing the harsh words Natsuki's eyes became sad. _I guess this is my punishment for treating everyone like shit lately. She is right. I always whine about my problems when she's the one who sits in such an institution._

"I'm sorry. You're right..." Natsuki's words were full of regret and Nao didn't seem to have expected such a response. She looked at the older girl, whose eyes were gazing outside the window, and started to lose her cold composure.

"I didn't mean to be that harsh. I just... I don't know. I guess I am bit out of it." Her voice was much softer now.

Natsuki noticed the change in an instant and turned around to give Nao another warm smile that seemed to melt the ice a bit.

"Well, that's understandable, given that you willfully put yourself on the mercy of those evil Soul Suckers." She grinned before speaking again. "But seriously now... Do they take good care of you?" Nao could see the true concern in the older girl's eyes. _Such a caring moron... I might never be able to go back to the state of just being friends if this keeps going on... I have to make it stop... somehow... _ Nao's gaze was suddenly filled with sadness. Natsuki noticed the change and got worried. She reached out to comfort the younger girl, but when her hand made contact with the pale skin Nao closed her eyes tightly as if she could shut out reality by doing so.

"Don't..." she whimpered.

"I'm sorry, did I hurt you?" Natsuki drew her hand back in shock.

"No, Natsuki... It's not your fault..."

A heavy silence started to slowly swallow their surroundings. Natsuki didn't know what to say and she could see that her opposite was at a loss of words too. She decided to patiently wait for Nao to continue.

"To me your skin is made of razorblades. Every touch, every little contact, as small as it might be, cuts so perfectly through my flesh... and I can't stay away from this sick sensation of the shining sharp metal that is nothing more than your flawless pale skin... It is not about the pain... because that I am willing to endure... It's better than not feeling anything at all... But to see you with her everyday, to hear you talk about how much you love her..." She sighed. "You have to forgive my desperation. I am almost sounding like your crazy Kaichou. Hey, but at least I am locked away in a nuthouse. So as long as I am here, I'm allowed to talk like this, right?" Although Nao intended to smile it was a very cracked smile... But a smile nonetheless. The first one after their last 'almost-kiss' during the guitar-lesson...

"The kiss must have almost killed you then..." Natsuki tossed in, lost in Nao's words.

"Actually... it saved me... It brought me back to life... Before descending into the shadows again. It's like I've tasted from the forbidden apple and now I am banned from paradise forever... Although, I never tried to touch your Eden, I wasn't strong enough to stay away from the sensation..."

"Nao..."

"No, it's okay. You don't have to say anything. I am the one who dragged you into this. Well, to be exact, for the second time. I might be crazy on the paper, but you don't have to fear that I will dress myself up in a yukata and wander around to kill random people." Although she was still joking, the serious look was back on her face. She turned her head to look outside the big window. Her next words came in an icy breeze. "I'll let go." Again, there was a long pause. "This kind of feeling doesn't fit my character anyway. You are free. You always were... That's why you are so beautiful to me. But you chose to be with that woman and I have to accept that. Yet, I would really appreciate it if you would stay away from me..." She looked up, catching Natsuki gaze "Starting now. Please leave."

Natsuki was so shocked that she didn't know what to respond. It was as if the life had been sucked out of her body by hearing the last words of the girl next to her. She felt like a zombie. Her surroundings had gone blank. No air, no colour, no sound seemed to be left in there. Wordlessly she rose to her feet and left the room, trying to catch her breath. Of course she knew that she had to respect Nao's wish. It was very noble of her to step back, but her mind was screaming in torment.

She pushed her bike to the limit. She didn't want to drive home. But she also didn't want to aimlessly cruise around forever. The usually so soothing sound of the bike's engine was annoying her at the moment. She knew that going to Shizuru wasn't an option right now and even the cliff seemed to be cursed under these circumstances. Natsuki was desperate and the loneliness just made it worse. Tears forming in her eyes, she felt like suffocating and she was afraid of being alone right now. She made a U-turn and increased the speed once more. There was only one place left now.

"Natsuki?"

"I didn't want to disturb you... It's just... it's just..." She couldn't hold her tears back any longer.

Mai was at a complete loss of words. She had never seen her friend in such a condition before. Without hesitation she jumped at her side and pulled her in a tight embrace. Natsuki broke down to her knees the very second Mai's arms embraced her.

After a few minutes the crying had become a steady sobbing and moments later it was gone. Natsuki's eyes were swollen and red but at least dry at the moment. Mai placed a cup of ramen in front of her friend before she started to speak.

"Here you go. I bet you haven't eaten for god knows how long. You don't look healthy, Natsuki. I think it's time to open up to somebody, about the things that are going on with Shizuru-san and Nao. You can't always handle everything on your own. Even such a strong person like you has a limit." Mai said.

Natsuki was amazed that Mai already knew why she was so devastated at first, but then she thought that it must have been pretty obvious to everyone close to her, thank god that weren't too much people. Of course, she wouldn't notice that fact since she was never paying much attention to the outer world, but she somehow was glad that Mai already seemed to have figured part of it. She grabbed the cup and started to eat. Her red-haired friend patiently waited for her to start talking and with time she did.

"I wasn't a very good friend lately. I guess, I was very self-absorbed and I wanted to do anything on my own. This whole new scenario involving love seems to really freak me out..." She made pause to collect her thoughts and then started to slowly explain the situation.

"That's how it is. I see." was the first thing Mai said after a long monologue of Natsuki, who seemed to be exhausted from telling the story. That gave the busty girl quite a bit time to think things through for giving Natsuki some kind of good advice.

"How do you feel right now?" she asked the biker-girl.

"To be honest... I wish I would have stopped time on the evening of my birthday before Sandra came in and blew the party. The best moment was probably when you guys were on stage playing that song for me. I am still so thankful about that though. Mai, that really was one of the most awesome presents I ever got."

"Well, thank you, but actually it wasn't my idea at all." Mai said.

"It was not?" Natsuki was more than surprised.

"Nope. It was Nao's. She called all of us the day after the first session and told us to get our lazy asses to the music room in school and we practiced every day for a whole week to get this simple three chord song done." Mai noticed that Natsuki was deep in thoughts again and not really listening anymore and therefore, she figured to confront Nastuki with one essential question.

"So, what do you feel about Nao? Is it the same you feel for Shizuru?"

Natsuki seemed to be shocked about the question because this was one the things she had avoided thinking about. Mai could see the panic in Natsuki's eyes, but she was determined to get an answer on this one.

Natsuki pondered quite a bit before forming an answer.

"No, it's more like... Do you know the feeling when you listen to a mind-blowing song for the first time? There are two ways a song can take your breath away. One is: You hear the song and you slowly start liking its melody. At first, you don't go deeper into it. You noticed that something has changed after that, but only with time you slowly discover the power of it. The words, the voice, every slightest note seems to give meaning to your life. Greedily, you start listening to it as much as you can. It's accompanying you throughout various situations. But with time you discover that not all of them are positive ones. The more negative experiences the song underlines, the more you start to dislike it. Well, not really dislike but listening to it becomes more and more painful and after a while, your ears are ringing by just hearing a single note from it. As if the song had stroke a sour tone within your soul and although you love this song so much, you just can't stand the music any longer. It has become a painful reminder of so many bad things and you're not longer able to blind out all the hurt it holds within...

And the other way is: You hear a song for the first time and it blows your mind away in an instant. The first note sets off a firework of feelings and you fall in love with it in an instant. And then it continues. Even after a very long time you love hearing this particular song. All the time you have been occupied, but then it comes to your mind when you least expect it and it brings a smile to your lips in times of sorrow."

"So that means...?" Mai asked curiously.

"I have no idea what that means. The only thing I know is that not for one moment during that kiss with Nao the thought of Shizuru had crossed my mind..."

"Then you already have your answer... You're in love with Nao, even if you won't admit it."

"But... but that can't be... I'm in love with Shizuru…" Natsuki anxiously whispered to herself.

"I'm sure you are." Mai said.

"But you can't love two persons at the same time." The raven-haired one said in disbelief.

"Since when have you become an expert on love-theory?" came the teasing response.

"I... Do you think something like is possible?" Natsuki searched Mai's eyes.

"Yes and I also think deep down in your heart you know where you want to be the most right now."

Natsuki suddenly stood up like lighting had stroked her.

"Ne, Natsuki. Tell Nao I said hi." Mai winked at her older friend and Natsuki gave her a determined smile in return.

"Thank you, Mai." And with that she was gone.

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**A/N:** Longest chapter ever... so far. But I told you guys, only two (long) chapters left. Next chapter: final... I guess this will just be equally long as this one since there is some drama waiting, given the fact that Shizuru doesn't know about Natsuki's newly discovered feelings. I'll try to write the final chapter as fast as possible. And I wanted to say thank you to all the people who have reviewed the last chapters. I got so many this time. Makes me super happy =)


	20. Happy End?

_"**A heartbreak isn't as loud as a bomb exploding. Sometimes it can be as quiet as a feather falling and the most painful thing is no one really hears except you."**_

**Disclaimer: Alright, I'll say it one last time...Sunrise owns Mai HiME.**

* * *

**Chapter 19 - Happy End?**

"This is going to be tough..." Natsuki said to herself after she was practically thrown out of the psychiatry. _Why won't these stupid assholes let me see her for even a second?! Of course, she practically told me to never bother her again BUT that was before I knew that I had... feelings for her. Even Dr. Tenshii was cold like a stone and didn't even give me a chance to explain anything… Shit! I need to think of a way to get to her and let her know what's going on. But how… Brain, this is your newest challenge. You better work on something useful, you tardy little bastard!_ She was leaning against her bike outside of the hospital ground. She was far enough away not to make the guards suspicious, but close enough to have a good view on the building and its surroundings. Deep wrinkles studded her forehead, suggesting that her brain was doing some extra work. _I don't have many options... I could try and commit myself to the asylum, but I doubt that they would take me. I don't think that Dr. Tenshii is that stupid. But then, she also believed me when I said that I had no problems. Haha, I am so clever at times!_ Natsuki was grinning like an idiot. If one of the doctors could see her, they would probably beg her to have a room at the institution. _Anyhow, I need a plan now. She took a look at the clock. Shit, it's getting late... Wait! That's it! I'll wait until it gets dark and then sneak my way into her room. I used to do things like that all the time when I was a HiME. So, getting into a nuthouse shouldn't be any more difficult than hunting down the First District._ She led her eyes wander to the big glass windows of the manor. _But how on earth do I find the right room... Okay, there are still so many things to check out and to plan. Preparation, preparation..._

The full moon came to Natsuki's aid as soon as the sun had fully set. Her pitch-black hair and her dark biker-suit were melting with the falling night. She tried to make her movements as smooth and catlike as possible... but she was a dog-person after all and so she ended up falling on her nose because of a sneaky little root that had wrapped itself around her foot while running through the forest near the garden of the mansion_. Ouch! That hurt! If this is over I will definitely go back to exercising._ The huge fence wasn't too far away and she knew she had to be careful now. She made her footsteps as soft as possible and tried to slow down her breathing. _Ninja-Modus activate!_ She made a huge jump and got a good grip on the fence, so she was able to overcome it in one move. Her landing was not really graceful but silent. Looking to the left she could see the flashlight of one of the guards. She dodged behind the bench she had been sitting on earlier and waited for the light to point in a different direction. She was overly happy that she has correctly remembered about the little balconies in front of the windows. She wasn't really sure though if there was a way to climb up to the patient rooms but since this was an institution for people who willingly committed themselves to, she was lucky that the security standards weren't that high. She was sure she could make it to the upper rooms with a bit of stamina and biceps. Climbing up the wall, she was suddenly reminded of a movie she once had watched in her English class. _What was its name again? Ah, I remember... Romeo and Juliet. That weird depressive guy was also climbing up to reach the room of this girl... That would make me Romeo and Nao Juliet... _After more than twenty minutes and a lot of sweating later, she reached the row of balconies from the first floor. Right now, she was very happy that Nao's room wasn't higher up. Now she had to do the creepy voyeur-part and look through the glass of the different windows to find out where exactly the younger girl's room was. But she was lucky to make a strike on the second window. She was not a hundred percent sure, but the number of doors from the stairs was two if she remembered correctly and the view seemed to fit too. Natsuki was relieved to find out that her assumption of an open window was right. It was good since she had no plan B for this matter. She had just figured that since it was a warm summer night, Nao would at least leave one window tilted. That was enough for her to make her way inside the room. She had learned that trick when she used to make her way to different facilities ran by the First District. When entering the room, she was almost soundless. She was a bit proud of herself that things went so smoothly. _Finally, some things are going right... But the hardest part is yet to come._ Natsuki set her sights on the bed. She slowly started to approach the sleeping figure of Nao. While coming closer, Nao suddenly started to move and Natsuki was afraid that she had woken her up. But when she took a closer look she soon figured that the girl was only tossing in her sleep. She was now standing at the end of the bed slowly closing in the last meters. It must have looked like a creepy image but the older girl didn't care. For now, she was just standing there in awe of the beauty of the girl lying in front of her, who was breathing steadily. The moonlight fell on her peaceful looking face and made her pale skin look even more breathtaking. Watching Nao sleep made Natsuki bit by bit more confident of her feelings. She remained silent for a few more minutes and smiled down on the object of her newly discovered affection. When she was just about to wake the sleepy head, the younger girl suddenly started mumbling in her sleep.

"Nggh... no... don't... please... don't leave... " Her body started to struggle. "... Nats... ki... "

At first she was shocked because she thought that Nao was addressing her directly, but then realized that she must be a part of Nao's dream right now. She softly stroked along the younger girls cheekbone.

"Shh... Everything's alright now. I am here... " she whispered.

Nao opened her eyes. At first she could only see anything but a silhouette but her eyes soon got used to the darkness and the moon was bright enough to reveal the familiar face.

"Natsuki?!" She sat upright in bed now. "Am I still dreaming?"

"No, it's real. I am here..." Natsuki softly answered back.

"What are you… a fucking pervert now? And how the hell did you get in here?" Nao's sleepy, disbelieving mood changed to pure anger in an instant. "Damn you! I told you to leave me the fuck alone! Why can't you just simply stay away?!" As much as the younger girl tried to control her voice, she was not yet awake enough to conceal all of her feelings. At the end of her screaming her tone became shaky and her eyes watery. At first, Natsuki was shocked about the heavy reaction but soon got a hold of herself after noticing the cracking in her opposite's voice.

"Nao, listen to me. I'm here because of you..." Natsuki said.

"Now, what is that supposed to mean?! GO! LEAVE!" Nao shut her eyes tight, releasing some of the tears that had been building up. Her feet started to move frantically, almost kicking Natsuki while screaming at her. The whole scenario seemed to fit their surroundings quite well and Natsuki knew she had to silence the overwhelmed girl before anyone got suspicious of the noise. So she threw herself on the slender figure in bed, practically burying the girl under her body. Sadly, the action just increased the volume and so she put her hand over Nao's mouth to finally silence her.

"Just listen to me for a second, you maniac!" She was quite angry herself by now. But thinking of how to phrase her next words let all the rage vanish within a second. "I am here because..." She took a deep breath. "Because I finally realized what you mean to me." She pulled her hand away from Nao's mouth because Nao wasn't even breathing anymore when she heard the words.

Now the pink-haired girl wasn't so sure if she was really awake. This could also be a strange dream. The moon was the only witness of the unreal situation in the middle of the night. The position they both were in made it even more surreal. Nao was lying on her back not daring to make a move after Natsuki had placed her body on top of her. The head of the older girl was straight above Nao's since Natsuki was supporting the weight of her upper-body with her arms, so the stunned girl's head was practically captured between them.

"Nao... I think I'm in love with you... " Natsuki said with a serious voice.

"LIAR!" Nao screamed at her without hesitation. Tears started to burst out of her again. "WHY?! Why would you lie to me about such a thing?! Do you think this will help me to get well sooner?! You're horrible!"

Natsuki again put her hand over the younger girl's mouth and brought her head close while whispering.

"You are right. I was horrible..." She made a slight pause. "I never noticed how much you had been suffering because of me. How deeply it must have hurt you to see me with Shizuru… It might be too late, but I finally know why I couldn't stay away from you." The emotions were consuming Natsuki's mind and her eyes became wet while letting out all the long hidden thoughts. Nao mumbled something like: "This can't be real" into her hand. The body under her was shaking now. And so, she once more released the mouth of the younger girl only to capture it again, this time with her lips. At first, the younger girl was struggling against the kiss, but as soon as Natsuki had pinned down the younger girl's arms with her left hand, Nao gave up fighting. Nazsuki cupped Nao's face with her free hand and started to softly part the lips of the younger girl with her thumb, while gently pressing her hips down a bit more. The movements made Nao lose any remaining resistance. Her mind was blown away when Natsuki's tongue started to softly caress her bottom-lip. Feeling the erupting heat of the body above her finally made her moan into the kiss and let it become fiercer. Natsuki was taken aback by the power their lips set free and felt like losing balance but Nao encircled her waist and pulled her in even closer. Natsuki's heart was racing and so was Nao's. They could feel each other's heartbeat through their shirts while their lower bodies were almost too close to bear the feelings that the rubbing created. Their lips were insatiable and they couldn't bring themselves to stop until Natsuki finally broke the kiss for some much needed air. Their tears had dried during the episode of losing-your-mind-for-beginners and neither of them dared to say a word. While Nao was afraid that if she would say something, she might wake up and everything would disappear again, Natsuki was simply at a complete loss for words. This wasn't her first kiss with Nao, but it had completely blown her mind away this time. She was looking at the girl beneath her and had a pleased smile on her face.

"What are you looking at?" Nao said in a soft tone, smiling herself.

"You're so beautiful." Natsuki responded while stroking her hand along Nao's cheekbone.

"This isn't a dream, is it?" She was afraid of the answer but she had to know.

"No. This is real. Finally." The raven-haired girl leaned in for another kiss.

The sun was already rising when they got unbearably tired in each other arms, completely exhausted from the overflow of their emotions. Natsuki was snuggling her head into Nao's hair when she swung her leg on top of the younger girl's waist.

"Very possessive, aren't you?" Nao said playfully with a sleepy voice.

"Guess so..." Natsuki mumbled, already half-asleep.

Nao smiled and placed a kiss on her forehead.

"I love you, Natsuki. Sleep well."

The moon was gone and Natsuki was still there, lying comfortably in her arms. That was all she had ever wished for. She was content. For the first time in her life she felt complete.

When a nurse screamed them awake much too early, they both hushed her to silence and explained the odd situation as well as they could. Dr. Tenshii was called nonetheless, but she seemed to have a thing for the young ladies and let them get away with the forbidden action. She even agreed to the early discharge of Nao since it was obvious that both girls had finally solved most of their problems on their own. When Nao started to pack her things, Dr. Tenshii told her that it would take a few more hours before she could leave due to some needed paperwork.

"This sucks. I thought I could go whenever I wanted." Nao said.

"And I thought you were used to being patient by now." Natsuki winked at her.

"That's actually not funny." Nao said sarcastically.

"Oh, it would be if you could see your face." She started to laugh.

"Ne, Natsuki..." The younger girl's tone became serious.

"What is it?"

"Have you talked to Shizuru?"

The question hit her with full force and Nao didn't have to wait for a response to know the answer. Her eyes became sad, which cause Natsuki to clench her fists before speaking.

"Don't worry. I won't back out this time. I will talk to her right now. She needs to know... And you can't leave here right now anyway. I'll pick you up after I talk to her, okay?" Natsuki tried to sound as confident as she could, but the fear showed clearly through her voice. Nao walked over to her and embraced the girl she had waited for so long.

"It's going to be okay. Eventually. If she really loves you, she'll understand. She cares about your happiness."

"Thank you..." Natsuki said, returning the embrace. She slowly turned around and walked towards the door.

"Natsuki?"

"Yes." Turning around once more.

"You will come back, right?"

"Of course." She gave her a reassuring smile before leaving the room.

On her way to Shizuru's house, a thousand thoughts were racing on her mind. She had no idea how to tell the Kyoto-girl about her late discovered feelings for Nao. She loved Shizuru. That she was sure of, but somehow it was Nao whom she wanted to be with. She couldn't find any logical reason. It was only a feeling but she had learned that repressing feelings never worked. She wanted to be honest with Shizuru; she didn't want to lie to her. Even if she were to stay with Shizuru, she wouldn't be able to stand the painful feelings that burned deep inside of her while being at her side_. I need to tell her... even if she'll hate me_. When she arrived at the Fujino residence she was greeted by one of the attendants. He told her that Shizuru was in the garden and asked if he should call her in but Natsuki declined, saying that she would go to the garden herself to meet the older girl.

When she left the building, the fresh air that was soaked with the scent of flowers danced with her black strands. Her heart was starting to pound heavy when she spotted the chestnut-haired girl sitting at the rim of the fountain gazing at the sky, dressed in her favorite lavender skirt. Summoning every last bit of her courage, she walked over to the dreamy girl.

"Shiz…uru…" She stuttered. _Damn, get a hold of yourself Natsuki!_

Shizuru slowly turned her head around and greeted her with a breathtaking smile. It was one of those smiles that Natsuki had always loved the most. The sight in front of her let her knees become weak and made her heart beat even faster.

"You came back..." Shizuru said with a weak but happy voice. Her eyes were swollen.

_She must have been crying a lot..._ Before Natsuki could say the reason for her visit, Shizuru spoke again.

"I can't believe that it went so fast... Everything was perfect and now... I mean how... How could this have happened? This can't go on forever... Every time when hope comes so close and I try to touch it, it fades and I am falling. I should have never started chasing it. As soon as I learned how to fly I couldn't get enough. But you can't fly without eventually falling, right? I wish I would have been satisfied with floating... I could have done that forever but now, I fly, faster and faster and I fall deeper and deeper without hitting the bottom. This can't be endless... You can't be endless..."

Natsuki had lowered gaze during Shizuru's speech. She tried to sound as cold as she could.

"You're right... We aren't endless... Before I knew you I never knew what love was and I doubt that I fully know it by now. But you were the one who breathed love into my heart and soul and made me open up to allow such emotions. But as much as I try to make myself believe that my place is right beside you, the more I fear it isn't what I want to do. There is something between you and me but after everything that had happened I believe it's not enough. I get the feeling that it is not good... for you or for me. It's like as if these emotions are too dangerous...

"Can you at least please be honest with me…?" Shizuru replied just as coldly.

"I am trying to..." Natsuki was completely insecure now.

"NO! You're trying to shift the guilt! It's not about dangerous emotions, it's about Nao! You're in love with her, right?" Shizuru was almost screaming and Natsuki was shocked to the bone.

"Shizuru, I..."

"Are you?"

"I don't know for sure... I think so... I mean she means a lot to me and right now I just feel that I want to be with her..."

"Rather than to be with me..." Her words were barely audible.

"That's not what I said." Natsuki said, trying to defend herself unnecessarily.

"But that's how it is..." She made a pause and inhaled deeply. "Tell me... Have I really lost you again?"

"Shizuru..." Natsuki reached out for the older girl but her hand was slapped away.

"Please... don't leave me. Please, don't tell me it's over... Please, don't let it be all in vain. We fought so hard... We've died before and we reincarnated. We can make it work again."

"I don't think I can... " Tears were forcing their way to her eyes.

Shizuru's voice became icy again.

"I won't beg you anymore and neither will I force you. But I need to hear from you that you don't love me anymore." Shizuru said.

Natsuki knew that her next words would be very important and she suddenly felt it hard to breathe. _I love you, Shizuru..._ _but I love Nao too... this thing just won't work... and I can't do this to you any longer. __I have to lie... Please, forgive me... _

"I don't love you." She said, paying special attention to look directly into Shizuru's eyes. Natsuki has never been a good liar, but this time it seemed to work. Normally, the older girl would be able to read her mind like an open book but with these words she broke down every last bit of the composed façade.

"Go." She said in a low voice but Natsuki didn't move. "Leave! Now!" Shizuru was almost choking on her screams because the tears had started to run down her face like waterfalls.

Natsuki turned away and started running away before her tears broke free. She ran and ran until she reached her bike. She didn't even bother putting on her helmet. She just kicked the engine to start and sped away. When the mansion was out of sight, she parked her bike on the side of the road and broke down under her tears. _I'm sorry... I'm sorry... I love you... But I cannot be with you... not now... not as long as it hurts this much..._ After she had calmed down a bit, she started to drive towards the clinic to pick Nao up. Nao gave her a worried look when she saw her crushed opposite She pulled Natsuki in for a warm embrace, who had a hard time repressing her tears. They didn't speak a word while they were driving down the main road to Natsuki's apartment. Nao knew that the older girl was wrapped up in thoughts and she didn't want to distract her even more from driving and so she patiently waited until they got into the apartment before she spoke to Natsuki.

"So, it was really that bad?" She stated carefully.

"Worse..." Natsuki replied in a pensive voice.

"Did you fight?"

"You could say that, yes..." Natsuki said, honestly. The emotions were clearly written all over her face and as much as Nao hated her next words, she knew she had to say them.

"Maybe you should try to fix it."

Natsuki was looking at her in shock but Nao soon made her thought clearer. "I mean you should talk to her again and try to explain everything. Both of you won't ever be able to make a clear cut if you two part with a fight."

Natsuki wanted to say something but Nao cut her off.

"You know that I am right, Natsuki."

Natsuki to admit that Nao's thought probably was correct, but she was afraid of facing Shizuru again.

Nao came over to her and gave her kiss as if she was able to read her mind.

"Be brave once more. For your sake and for hers." She encouraged her further. "I'll wait here for you to come back again."

Natsuki didn't even try to resist Nao's words any longer. She knew that everyone had been suffering because of her for so long and if she was able to ease the pain of Shizuru a bit, she would do it. She grabbed her helmet and kissed the younger girl goodbye once more.

When she rang the bell on the entrance of the mansion, she was greeted by two faces she would have rather not seen again. Shizuru's mother and Sandra were blocking her way. Both of them were sending death-glares at her. Despite the terrifying sight in front of her, Natsuki had bigger problems right no. She didn't hesitate to state the reason of her visit.

"I need to talk to Shizuru." She said with an icy-voice.

"I think you've already said enough." Sandra replied full of hatred but before she could go on she was cut off by Shizuru's mother.

"Kuga-san. I've never approved of the relationship you and my daughter had and I would be lying if I said I'm not happy about your decision to give her back her life. I am sure you understand that I can't let you see her. She's not in the best condition and I believe you're the last person she wants to see right now. So, if you would please make your leave." Natsuki now knew why Shizuru would always act so composed around everyone. Emotions weren't allowed around here.

"Fine. But I'll come to see her again." She said with a strong and confident voice.

"I'm afraid that isn't possible." Shizuru's mother replied with a smile.

"She's going back to Germany with me. Our plane leaves tomorrow morning." Sandra said just as confidently. Natsuki was so shocked that she didn't know what to say.

"I'm sure you understand that it's best for Shizuru to be as far away from you as possible at the moment." Shizuru's mother said.

"Sure…" Natsuki felt completely beaten.

"Good. Farewell Kuga-san. You know the way out, right?" The last sentence wasn't really a was so shocked about what had just happened that she turned around like a zombie and walked away. _Maybe they are right... maybe this is the only way... maybe she can only find happiness somewhere without me..._ She got on her bike and drove back to her apartment where Nao was still waiting for her.

Meanwhile in the Fujino-Mansion, Shizuru's mother and Sandra had decided that it would not be a good idea to tell Shizuru that Natsuki had been there to see her again.

"I'm so glad that you said yes to the idea of going back to Germany with me. Believe me, everything is going to be all right. I promise. With time you'll get over it and I'll show you how to smile again." Sandra said in a joyful tone trying to cheer the Kyoto-beauty up a little.

"Of course..." Shizuru replied in a monotone voice.

A few hours later the mansion was standing silent and dark in front of the forest. Everyone was asleep. Only the huge clock in the main hall and the upcoming storm outside were sending signs of life through the rooms. A sleepless girl was slowly walking to the window of her balcony. Only one candle was breaking the endless darkness. Chestnut strands were falling down on her shoulders when she sat down on the sill. Her eyes were empty.

_Fight and reign, wash away, all the colors in dismay. The ground gave in; the sun is hiding behind the world... And there is thunder… and there is lightning… and none of them are you… only plain emptiness accompanied by deafening silence… words… hollow and dull, echoing through my head in an infinite loop. And there is rain… endless and heavy rain… endless… but not for me… not for us… no, not us… you and me… Are you listening…? Listening to the rain…? Can you feel the raindrops…? Do you watch their downfall…? Can you see me fall along with them...? Fall from grace…? Fall from everything… fall for your words… fall for your smiles… fall for your lies… Can you see me too when I again, fall into you…? And I fall and I fall... so deep without ever hitting the ground…Pouring down on you without ever hitting your heart hard enough… Only leaving little cracks and marks here and there… but there is hope… Your heart is not made of stone… I guess I was just not the right kind of rainfall but you are not lost… No, you are safe. So let's pretend for a while. You're the love and I am the madness… Wouldn't it be lovely, Natsuki? Wouldn't it? Why won't you answer me anymore? Did I put too much on the line? Believe me I would take it back. But how to fix a ripped out heart? Can't you help me out for a little while? Are you too busy searching for these angel eyes high above? But there are none. They don't exist. Nothing but pitch-black skies interrupted by flickers of lightning. Like sudden strikes of hope only to wither away in the next blink of an eye. Just like your love. Only a temporarily bliss in my colorless world._

_So tired... Won't you sing me to sleep? Don't worry, I won't tell… I won't ever ask again… Wandering… step by step… such a silent road into your world. I was there… I was… I know it… it has to be true… this wasn't an illusion… I could feel you and you could feel it too, right? RIGHT? Hush… hush… don't make a sound… there's no need to worry anymore._

_I shall close this window to shut down my soul. To keep out the flickers of hope. To end this dream of you and me. _

_Yes, and I shall live on in your thoughts… in your words… and I breathe in and I breathe out another pill three, four… Breathing in, breathing out always so calm and steady, elegant nonetheless. _

_To die as I have lived. This so like me. All the movements, so gentle and slow… Or am I already getting dizzy? No, not yet. There are still some left. Calm and steady. Calm and steady._

_I failed again. The great protector is nothing more than a mere failure… A slave of love, a malfunction of emotions like cracks in a glass so perfectly flawed._

_In this world or the next. I always thought that way. I promised to protect you. I promised to save you. I always said I would die for you. I always knew I would die for you… and this is me keeping my promises. I'll die for you… for you to be free… to let you go… I've waited for so long… so long… but you didn't come back… you never will… you don't love me… _

_Isn't my heart supposed to stop beating instead of racing? I can do this right? Right, Natsuki ? Even if you're not by my side I can do anything. I am not giving in this time. Still not finished. Don't stop now. I am almost there. It's so dark. So dark, Natsuki... My dear Natsuki… So pure… So perfect… Natsuki, are you there? Can't you see? I'm invisible. My ears are ringing. So loud. Gravity… Emptiness… So loud. __I can't feel your rain anymore. _

_Beat, breathe, beat, breathe... beat beat beat... silence. _And she closed her eyes with a last little lie on her lips. _This is the way it should be._

**The End.**

* * *

**A/N:** And this is it...I know that so many of you will hate me right now. But this story is and was a Drama. I poundered with the ending quite a bit but I wanted to have the people stay in character and in my opinion this is what Shizuru would do, if she would think that Natsuki's words are final. I just can't imagine a Shizuru, who lives a normal life without Natsuki. I know that this is not a happy ending and I am sad that this story is over but I have to say that looking at the story now, there is a huge potential for making a third arc. There are still many question left unanswered (on purpose? who knows ;-) ) I am not sure if I should make it Triology given the fact that it already has 43 Chapter o.O But the idea of how Natsuki will react and cope with the circumstances is very intriguing...Maybe switching places with Nao in the Nuthouse...Is she even possible to be with Nao now? Who knows...who knows...I let you guys decided. If you want me to final shut up, this story shall end here. If anyone is interested in a third arc, let me know and I shall continue the story.

Either way, I want to thank all of my readers for keeping up with me and my story and for encouraging me to write something like this. I've always enjoyed your reviews guys.


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